Inalienable

Prologue
A sink was dripping in the distance and the pitch black room smelled of mildew. I blinked repeatedly but my eyes were still weak from the attack.
I tried to stand and felt ropes cut into my ankles. They had drained my power and tied me down. I felt like crying although I knew it wouldn’t help me.
They were going to come soon. This much I knew. Once they stole my memories they would know where Lucas was.
I struggled against the ropes. Lucas has to be kept safe. I stopped moving and reached down within myself, looking for even a glimpse of my power.
I found it. It was a flickering candle flame compared to my normal brilliant glow. I sighed, my body shaking, as reached for it. I had to save Lucas and if that costs me my life, then so be it.
I heard footsteps and laughter outside of door. I didn’t stop. This was my only chance. I used my power and burned away the ropes containing my wrists and ankles.
My weakened body drooped with fatigue, but I stood up. I ran for the door when suddenly it opened. The light blinded me for a moment, but that was all it took.
Someone tackled me and sent me flying across the floor.
“You’re a persistent one,” the man grunted.
I glared at him. There was no way I was going to find a way out of here so there was only one other choice.
With this choice, Lucas would be safe. He would live a normal life, unaware of all of this. He would have the life I always wanted.
I smiled at the man as a sort of farewell gesture. Where I was going, no one could read my thoughts or steal my memories.
The man caught on and gasped. I shook my head. It was already done. I was dying.

Hi This is a really powerful prologue! I think this is a great beginning to have, I've already got a million questions about what will come next As its quite short there is not much to nitpick but I'll point out what I can,

A sink was dripping in the distance and the pitch black room smelled of mildew.

Its not really the sink that's dripping- I'd say 'tap' instead.

They were going to come soon. This much I knew. Once they stole my memories they would know where Lucas was.

'This much I knew' sounded a bit out of place to me here. Maybe instead you could start the first sentence with something similar, for instance- 'I knew they were going to come soon- and once they stole my memories, they would know where Lucas was.' Or if you wanted to refer more to them knowing that they would steal the memories then maybe something like- 'They were going to come soon. I knew what would happen- they would steal my memories and find where Lucas was.'

Lucas has to be kept safe. I stopped moving and reached down within myself, looking for even a glimpse of my power.

'has to be kept safe' is in the present tense whereas before you were always talking about it in the past, so I'd change this to 'had' or put it into italics to show it as their thoughts at that time.
I think you could maybe add more to how they look for their power- like turning their sight inwards or their awareness reaching down inside themselves as just 'reached down within myself' sounded a bit strange to me and I think it would work better if you described more to the reader how it was done. Is it a mental action? I kind of thought it was but here it could be taken to mean physically which would be kind of a strange image

I sighed, my body shaking, as reached for it.

You've just used 'reached' to describe what they are doing so I'd maybe change this one to something else like stretched/ groped/ strained or something similar. You also need an 'I' before whatever word you use

I had to save Lucas and if that costs me my life, then so be it.

To keep with referring to the past, I'd say 'cost' (unless again you would want to put it as their thoughts at that time, in which case I would but the type into italics or something similar to show this).

I heard footsteps and laughter outside of door.

You have never referred to a door before as you said the room was pitch black, so the person wouldn't really know that there was a door (they could presume but they might not know where the door was). Instead maybe you could say about the sounds coming from outside of the room. I'd also mention about them approaching as otherwise they could just be milling around outside. So something like this- 'I heard footsteps and laughter approaching from outside of the room' you could always mention something like on the either side of the wall if you didn't want to talk about outside of the room too
If you did keep about the door, you need 'the' before 'door'.

I used my power and burned away the ropes containing my wrists and ankles.

Instead of 'and' 'to' might be better here, replacing 'burned' with 'burn'. I'm not sure about 'containing', it sounded a bit out of place here to me. Maybe something like restricting/ looped around/ tight around or something similar would fit more.

The man caught on and gasped. I shook my head. It was already done. I was dying.

This end sentence is a bit vague, and I can see that you wouldn't want to give much away yet about how their power works, but I think a little more is needed. Perhaps you could say something about turning their power inwards. Instead of 'it was done' I'd maybe say something like 'It had started' as she is dying so its not really done as that would mean she was dead. Unless there was only one thing she had to do and then the dying started I think I may have confused myself a little Basically just a bit more information to make more sense of what is happening

Overall: If I read this prologue in a book I would definitely want to turn the next page, which is what a prologue is all about so good job!

When they are looking for the power in their body, I think you should make the connection between that and then using it to burn the ropes more. At one point they are reaching for it, but then they already have a hold of it whereas there isn't actually a sentence that mentions on when they grab a hold of it. I'd add one in maybe to allow the process to flow a bit easier

The prologue is in general very mysterious- but that works so I wouldn't really add much more detail. Something you could add more to though is how she feels- panic and the pain of the ropes and when the guard crashes her to the ground, things like that. As you are not giving that much information to keep the reader curious, more focus on how she feels in the situation would work well I think

I think this is written pretty well so there is nothing else I can see that could be improved I hope you write more! All my comments are just suggestions so ignore them if you want, Hope I've helped

Hey, I'm Mia and I will be reviewing this today.

Before I start nitpicking, let me just say how much I love this! As a prologue, it was amazing. You made me curious, you kept everything a mystery, and you established the fact that it's fantasy fiction right from the beginning. If this was in a bookstore and I had read this, I would probably have bought it.

Ok, on to the nitpicks! (Bear with me, I nitpick because I like a piece and can't find any major mistakes )

I blinked repeatedly but my eyes were still weak from the attack.

Your 'eyes' were weak from the attack? Did they harm your eyes in any way? If they didn't, I would change it because it does not seem to make much sense. Maybe you could write something like:
'I blinked repeatedly, trying to find any source of light in the darkness.'?

Once they stole my memories insert comma here they would know where Lucas was.

I sighed, my body shaking, as reached for it.

Insert an 'I' after 'as'.

It was a flickering candle flame compared to my normal brilliant glow.

Wouldn't it be better if 'normal' were 'normally'? Read through the sentence with each one and see which sounds better.

I had to save Lucas and if that costs me my life, then so be it.

You just switched tenses from past to present. Change the word 'costs' to 'cost'.

I heard footsteps and laughter outside of door.

Replace 'of' with 'the'. (By the way, I agree with what pips said above, you never mentioned this door before.)

Someone tackled me and sent me flying across the floor.

I think you should mention something about how being thrown across the floor made you even weaker?

“You’re a persistent one,” the man grunted.

You never said that the person who had tackled you was a man, so it seems odd to suddenly go: 'the man grunted'. Maybe you could say something like: a man's voice grunted', or something along those lines?

I glared at him. There was no way I was going to find a way out of here insert comma here so there was only one other choice.

There was no way I was going to find a way out of here so there was only one other choice.

Making the choice to kill yourself is a huge one. Maybe you could say something about how scared you are about what awaits you in death? Or how you're not sure if you have the courage to do it?

Characters
Just one question... is your main character here male or female? I went through the entire piece thinking it was a 'she', then when I looked through it I noticed you gave no indication about whether this was true or not. Make it obvious please.
Putting that aside, I did not really get to know the main character's personality. Of course, this could be because this is the prologue and we're not supposed to know much about this particular character. But maybe it would be good to add one or two hints about what she's like?

Grammar
Nothing major here. Just fix the few things I pointed out above. Although, I wanted to suggest that maybe you should add a bit more description here? Show what the character's feeling a bit more, this will be beneficial also because it will let the reader know a bit more about the character etc.

0verall
This was a very interesting read, it kept me hooked from start to finish and I have so many questions about it.
Is the main character male or female? (sorry about that )
What sort of power does he/she have?
Who's Lucas?
Why is she being held prisoner because of him?
Hopefully these will all be answered if you post the next part of the story. ^_^

PM me when the next part is up or if you have any questions.
xxmimixx

Hey there White Tiger

What an interesting username you have. Well, anyway, it's all the better for greeting you with. I must convey a certain delight at welcoming yet another writer to this wonderful community. I do hope that you make yourself at home, and that you become a part of the site.

Now, what was I doing here? Oh yes, I was about to review your piece. Let's start with a couple of minor points before we sum up, shall we?

WhiteTiger93 wrote:A sink was dripping in the distance and the pitch black room smelled of mildew.

This is not too bad for your first sentence. In fact, I quite like it. While it does not entirely hook me, it is interesting enough. Perhaps, however, your next sentence would serve better as a hook, and this could come after it?

I blinked repeatedly but my eyes were still weak from the attack.

This gives us a fairly nice image. Is the reason that you are blinking to test your eyes strength? If so, I would suggest, "I blinked repeatedly; my eyes were still weak from the attack."

I tried to stand and felt ropes cut into my ankles.

I'm not quite sure that "and" is the right adjective over here... Perhaps "but" would be better?

They had drained my power and tied me down. I felt like crying although I knew it wouldn’t help me.

This first sentence is great. It makes us wander if they drained your strength or if you have any specific power. I like it a lot. The second sentence on the other hand I think could be omitted without doing much damage. Perhaps change it as follows: "I felt like crying, but that would drain even more of my strength. Besides, crying wouldn't help."

Once they stole my memories they would know where Lucas was.

Try, "And once they stole my memories, Lucas' position would be compromised."

Lucas has to be kept safe.

Lucas needed to be kept safe.

I stopped moving and reached down within myself, looking for even a glimpse of my power.

Try, "I tried to calm down and reached down inside myself, hoping that even a hint of my usual power remained deep within me."

I found it. It was a flickering candle flame compared to my normal brilliant glow.

Try, "Then, suddenly it was there, a flickering candle compared to its usual brilliant glow." Try talking about your power rather than yourself.

I sighed, my body shaking, as reached for it. I had to save Lucas and if that costs me my life, then so be it.

One of my pet peeves is first person narrators telling the audience what actions they themselves perform, especially actions that are usually performed absently, like sighing. Try rather conveying an emotion. Something like, "A feeling of despair shook my body, as I reached for that droplet of power that I hoped would save Lucas. If I died in the process, than I would not begrudge him for my death."

I used my power and burned away the ropes containing my wrists and ankles.

Try, "The power within me slowly answered my call, and burned through the ropes that held my wrists and ankles."

My weakened body drooped with fatigue, but I stood up.

I'm not sure if drooped is the right word here, perhaps dripped, radiated, or some other word?

I ran for the door when suddenly it opened. The light blinded me for a moment, but that was all it took.

I don't like the first sentence here. It's too abrupt, doesn't highlight the climax of your prologue like it should. You need to try alter it. Something more on the lines of, "In spite of my bitter pain, I ran for what was likely to be the only chance of escape I would have. The door was two feet away. And then it opened. There was a blinding light. It only lasted a moment, but one moment was all that was necessary." Also, notice how I've shortened sentences to build pace. This is quite a useful tool when writing action.

Someone tackled me and sent me flying across the floor.

Try, "I had no chance to recover. A massive force hit me in the stomach. I flew across the room, a feeling of desperation overcoming me.

I glared at him.

Once again, don't tell us what you did. Tell us how you felt.

There was no way I was going to find a way out of here so there was only one other choice.

Try, "I would never succeed in escaping now." Omit the second part of the sentence.

With this choice, Lucas would be safe.

Try, "If I made this choice, I would ensure Lucas' safety.

The man caught on and gasped. I shook my head. It was already done. I was dying.

Try, "My captor finally seemed to realize, what I was about to do. But it was too late."

My impression of:
Overall prose: You write a fairly strong prose. You do need a little work on sticking to a single tense. More than once, I saw this change. There is also quite a lot of monotonous repetition that you could do away with.

Perspective: Your first person perspective makes this pretty personal. I can't help but feel that this piece would have looked nicer from the point of view of the guard. You decide though. Just remember, when you are writing from a first person perspective, make yourself into that person. Notice the things he would notice, and see the things he would see.

Characters: You only have one important character over here, but you do him justice and give him personality even without dialogue or interaction with others, so I think you did a fairly good job there.

The story: You have a pretty intriguing idea here, and I would definitely like to read more.

I hope this helped.

Have a good one!

Thank you! I'll definetely work on my grammar more. I promise you, it's normally not that bad. I wrote this last night but I had to get it down. The idea was literally nagging at me. Thank you for the compliments and critques. I really appreciate it. I'll try to put Chapter 1 up soon.

Oh and I forgot to put this in the prologue. I'll work it in somewhere, but the main character is, in fact, a girl.