Lost

This as a villanelle for my creative writing class-the repetition and rhyme scheme are required of the structure to qualify as that type. We were told to use lyrics for a chorus of a song as the refrains.

Lost and insecure,
It ends with dignity
Lying on the floor.

When life was a bore
You went to the city,
Lost abd insecure.

Nothing left from before.
You're such a pity
Lying on the floor.

You left with dreams galore.
Now you're not so witty,
Lost and insecure.

And you're nothing more
than an alley kitty
Lying on the floor.

You're tired and sore,
Grimy and gritty,
Lost and insecure,
Lying on the floor.

AlyssaKyle wrote:This as a villanelle for my creative writing class-the repetition and rhyme scheme are required of the structure to qualify as that type. We were told to use lyrics for a chorus of a song as the refrains.

Lost and insecure,
It ends with dignity
Lying on the floor.

When life was a bore,
You went to the city[s],[/s]
Lost and insecure.

Nothing left from before.
You're such a pity
Lying on the floor.

You left with dreams galore. Although I'm not very fond of repetitions, they aren't so bad here, but "left" is the word you've got to change.
Now you're not so witty,
Lost and insecure.

And you're nothing more I think it would be better if this verse verse starts with "You're."
than an alley kitty
Lying on the floor.

You're tired and sore,
Grimy and gritty,
Lost and insecure,
Lying on the floor.

Although the changing the stanza's style isn't quite necessary, I find this very nice. All those adjectives on the end really give a poem some "feeling."
Sure, you have a few mistakes, but this is very nice.
I don't understand if this was meant to be lyrics for some song or a poem?
Oh, and rhyme scheme was really refreshing, nice work.
[spoiler]8/10[/spoiler]

Villanelle you say? Perfect, my favorite! Of course i have never attempted to write one... anyway.
I am Poem, and i shall be your reviewer this evening.

In villanelles there is a certain rhyme scheme that you are required to follow. It is:

A1 b A2 - Lines in first tercet.
a b A1 - Lines in second tercet.
a b A2 - Lines in third tercet.
a b A1 - Lines in fourth tercet.
a b A2 - Lines in fifth tercet.
a b A1 A2 - Lines in final quatrain.

To add on to that, the ends of the lines on all of the a's have to rhyme, same goes for the b's.

In your villanelle your A1 line does not rhyme with anything else in your poem.

Was that complete gibberish or did it make any sense to you at all? No? Yes? If not feel free to PM me, but for the moment you should check out this wonderful villanelle by Dylan Thomas. http://www.bigeye.com/donotgo.htm

Cool. The song is from the Fray right?

I've honestly never heard of a Villanelle before. Interesting structure.

I like the concept behind this poem. There's also some hint of sarcasm here. I really like it actually.

Although it was slightly confusing and I had to read it again to get the idea of this poem. Although I think that's the fault of having to put the song in.

Great job. Keep writing.

--Knightly