Bruised Spirit

Hello Layla! I shall be your reviewer for today.

Nit-Picks:

yet you will for shame!

It seems that your missing some word after "will".

be to late to apologize

then because it wont

"To" should be too and "wont" needs an apostrophe. Also, "then" seems to be unneeded.

The cup broke!

I wasn't to blame!

Instead of doing two lines in a row with an exclamation mark, a semi-colon would be better after "the cup broke". It should be like this:

"The cup broke;
but I wasn't to blame!"

Overview:

This piece was very deep, but it seems to be lacking emotion. You really need to express how hurt you are by your father, and let your true, deep emotions of hurt show more in your writing. It's a good piece, but with more detail and emotion it could be even better.

i liked it but i agree with selenaforeverdream

Hi Laydra! Welcome to YWS!
Oh my, Selene has already covered almost everything, so I'd like to bring out your rhyming.

Aside from your grammatical errors, I have found three other big issues:
Rhyming
In a poem, it's nice to have rhymes. They make it more fun to read. But remember, they aren't mandatory. You can always do free verse. Anyway, when you do put rhymes into it, it's nice to have a certain scheme. Like:
A
B
A
B (or C)

Or:

A
B
B
A

There are many types of schemes, but these are the primary ones. You can always set your own scheme.
You don't have a conherent rhyming scheme, and I would advise you to put one, because I found it a bit hard to read in this way.

Punctuation
You have some signs of punctuation. Which is good, because many people are under the impression that poetry does not need punctuation. I'd advise you to put some more in. I agree with Selene's advise.

Emotion/Imagery
This poem was very deep, that I could notice. But I could only read about it, not actually feel it. In a poem, emotion is an important part. You should make the reader's feel what you felt.

Overall: This was quite good Good job.

PM me if you need anything!
*Kat*

Hello.

Uhm, first, rhythm and flow was very choppy. Although I don't think that that's too major an issue if you get the message across fine. It's just that often when the rhtyhm goes choppy so does the message, ya know?

Anyway, I can't feel the emotions in this poem. I know them and I read them but it isn't very vivid so I don't sympathize with the character in the poem. This poem needs to be more vivid.

However, this was quite good. It's a great concept to write about.

Keep writing.

--Knightly