Foolish Hope

What foolish hope I nurture,
As fool's hope nurtures me;
And we watch over each other,
Foolish hope and me.

I smile when I am broken,
For hope shall mend my heart;
With rickety little stitches,
Easily pulled apart;
But that's no great a trouble,
She'll stitch it back again;
Keeping my heart beating,
Loving-- though in vain.

Blows will come to harm me,
And this hope I've kindled long;
For they say I must stop hoping,
For hoping now is wrong;
But if it keeps me happy,
And if it keeps me sane;
What fault is there in hoping,
Though hoping be in vain?

This foolish hope I nurture,
And in turn it nurtures me;
We keep fooling one another,
Foolish hope and me.

I really love this poem, it's amazing, wonderful i really don't have much of a critique though when you say "But that's no great a trouble, " that line doesn't sound right to me but the rest is AMAZING. The third stanza is definitely my favorite, i feel like i can relate to the whole poem but especially that stanza and i also love the repetition at the end, again amazing work bravo

Oh my gosh. That was FANTASTIC. That was so great. Definitely should be published. Humorous, rolls off the tongue, word choice is AWESOME!!!! I wish i wrote it.

I really liked the concept behind this poem and although it was repetitive, it worked well as a short, perfectly bundled together piece.

A few things to consider:

With rickety little stitches,

I'm not too sure about the use of the word 'rickety' in this line as it just doesn't seem to fit. It gives me images of bridges and scales - irrelevant to the piece more or less. I suggest using a different adjective here.

The next stanza - stanza 3 - isn't as strong as the rest of our poem. Was this the last stanza that you wrote? Did it go in afterward? I think it is too repetitive in the sense of the words used and that your ideas in this stanza just aren't as clear or descriptive as they could be.

Blows will come to harm me,
And this hope I've kindled long;

This really doesn't flow well or make much sense in relation to the 'and' used. Perhaps try tweaking it?

We keep fooling one another,
Foolish hope and me.

I like this ending and the way it follows the pattern of the beginning.


I would say that the repetitive pattern you use does get slightly tiresome in the middle and I would suggest maybe getting rid of it in the middle and just using it in the fist and last stanzas in order to create effect? It can still work well as it is but stanza three does need some re-arrange and tweaking. Perhaps use a bit more imagery in your poem as well - it doesn't need to be all flowery but it may help to captivate the reader.


All the best,

Alainna
xxx

I first want to thank you for your bubbling review, it brightened my day. I also want to thank you for allowing me to use one of my words: chiasmata, it also brightened my day.

So with that in mind, I enjoyed your literary chiasmata in the first stanza, it wasn't forced and had a certain flow to it which I enjoyed. The poem had a light, but slightly dark (in a subtle way), tone to it. I think its already been brought up, but I don't really think stitches can be rickety, which usually references uneasiness. The last stanza had a very nice flow to it, I particularly loved the shortness and definitiveness of the last line.

We write what we feel and I think you did so admirably.


PaperMoon

Oh my goshness I loved this poem! I loved the tone and the concept and the words and just all of it!

Ahem, *puts on slightly more serious face* now for the actual nit-picking. I couldn't find mush that wasn't already said. I'm not sure if I agree or not with the "rickety stitches" debate. I understood what you meant, and I didn't really notice until I read the other comments, but stitches probably aren't rickety. I understand it's more of a metaphor, but you might want to work on that a little.

The flow was good, and the rhyming generally was, too. Most of the scheme made sense and followed a pattern, but it was a little odd in some places. In the first and last stanzas, you followed and ABAB pattern, but then you sort of changed so that it was every other line rhymed. Also, I'm not sure if me and me are technically a rhyme.

Overall, amazing job! Gold star for you!