The teenager of about 17 or 16 years of age stood at the top of the cliff, it's face jagged with sharp rocks protruding from the ground. On the other side flowed a pristine river. The pimple faced adolescent stared down and gazed at the scenery. Below him stood acres upon acres of green forest. Laughter could be heard in the lush trees below. And it pissed Jak off.
A gust of wind fluttered by messing up his side cut raven black hair. With a moan, he patted it down and took in a deep breath of the fresh morning air. A flare sparked in his deep dark brown eyes and as the sun kissed the morning sky the corners of his mouth curved upwards. He let out piercing laughter and lent forward, his scrawny pale arms stretched out wide.
At this moment in time. . .
An elf, with a 12 o'clock shadow staggered up the cliff, "What was I thinking accepting that quest?!?"
His face was rugged and his nose had obviously been broken a few times, judging by the angle of which it sat at. His green eyes were blood shot and the taste alcohol was still strong in his mouth. The smell of sweat drifted off of him joined with the stench usually accompanied with not bathing for a few weeks. Half of his brown tan, was not actually tan.
He let out a puff and tucked a fly away strand of dirty white hair behind his long pointy ears. "Save, my son, save my son!" he muttered in contempt, attempting to copy the voice of the man he had taken money from, as he took harsh shallow breaths in.
"What bloody son? You're a friggin' eunuch!"
The elf muttered obscenities as he crawled onto the ledge. He let out a breath of air and collapsed onto the ground in a smelly heap of heat and muscle. Something pierced his hearing and he swore, "What the hell was that?"
He glanced up just in time to see a teenager about to launch himself off of the cliff. Jared leapt forward without thinking, gloved hand stretched towards the teen only to have his coat snagged on a rock causing him to trip up and grab the feet of the raven head instead. Jak fell on top of Jared and the forces of nature began to act.
Gravity pulled them downwards, creating a sort of semi-circle added into their roll. Instead of rolling off the edge they began to cycle down to path that Jared had just trudged up. Screaming, they held onto each other as they hurtled at break neck speed towards the pristine river at the foot of the path.
Mean while . . .
The orc grinned as he flipped back the fishing rod and then flicked it back in. There was a dashingly handsome quality to his strong jaw and wide shoulders. The muscles on his body were perfectly proportioned to his size.
As soon as the bait sunk, something caught onto it. With a cheerful harmless smile he tugged on the rod and a wriggling fish followed suit. Unfortunately it was a little bit too small to be eaten and as such, he had to throw it back with a kiss. Putting a new bait onto the line he cast it back out.
Sounds and screaming erupted behind him and the blond haired orc turned to catch a glimpse of what was upsetting the serenity of the forest. Two yelling bodies came hurtling down the hill and being the kind of person Teeto was he put out both arms intending to catch them. He tucked the rod under his left arm and waited for the impact.
Of course this didn't work.
Teeto's blue eyes widened as the force hit him and the three of them fell into the river. All arms and legs they gasped for air. Jared swore and swallowed water, while Jak slapped at the water happily, "Finally I'm going to die!"
The fishing line tangled around them, ensuring neither of them could get free. Then something began to tug at the bait. They all glanced at each other, Teeto a shocked dart, Jared a sharp glare and Jak a cheerful smile as whatever had taken the hook dragged them down into the water.
However . . .
The fairy blew some bubbles up through the water, wondering how he could trick the stunningly handsome orc into drowning in his driver. Suga's small wings vibrated allowing him to move at amazing speed towards a fish that had suddenly appeared next to him.
Snatching it up into his mouth he devoured it with sharp little teeth. A small bit of blood escaped, but he sucked it up with a smile. Something plopped down in front of him. A hook. The orc was hunting in Suga's grounds?
That was not allowed. He grabbed onto it with his child like hands and began to pull. Some sort of commotion happened outside and he watched as not one, not two, but three people fell into his river.
The pleasure of killing all of them would be extremely satisfying. Suga lugged them down deeper and deeper. He watched as their faces crumpled in fear, relishing every muffled noise they made. Then the tide changed, Suga had bene distracted from his usual business and had forgotten. I was a stupid mistake. Water rushed by him in blinding bubbles and in shock he let go of the fishing line.
The hook snagged in his ear lobe and he let out a blood curdling scream. Jak, Jared and Teeto stared at Suga in startle-ment as he fainted and floated upwards. Teeto and Jared, but not Jak, thankful for their near escape from death dug hands into the water and attempted to swim upwards.
Jak sat there idly with a smile on his face. He let some bubbles pop out of his mouth with pleasure. Even though Suga was a fairy and his body was small and child like in proportion, he still bled a lot. His blood stained the water crimson, blurring the normally pretty green lillies from sight.
It didn't help that Jared was still suffering from a hang over, because usually he would be able to see just fine. Suga' drifted upwards, but as the swirling trio mixed themselves up more, desperate to breathe, they drew him in and tangled Suga in too. Teeto had now bruised all three of them struggling to get to the surface, his large muscles making life very painful for the others, apart from Suga who wasn't conscious, but he would probably feel it when he woke up.
It occurred to the three that were conscious that they probably weren't going to live through this. Jak couldn't help, but laugh and Jared swore at the whole world, while Teeto still continued to attempt to swim to the surface.
They continued on like that for a a short moment before they realised that in their panic they hadn't thought about the fact that they weren't being pushed along anymore. Understanding the situation they were in they all frowned. It was obvious they were nowhere near where they had fallen in dragged by the current.
Jak was upset, Jared was angry and Teeto was just confused. They stood up, feeling the ground at their feet. Nothing made sense. Until they saw the kender standing in front of them drenched to his leather boots.
The look on his face was far from smile.
What happened earlier . . .
The tall, well tall for a kender, male stalked away from the camp he had just robbed. Time was of the essence now. To get away quietly was all he needed. Slamming his hat on to cover up his noticeable orange hair he stomped away.
He had already thought about his escape plan. He had dug a hole just next to the river so when the men came down on boats to look for him he would immediately know. Kyle ran deftly over the the bush he knew the hole sat under and expertly slid in.
It was now a waiting game. Time stretched onwards as the sun begun to rise. Kyle's eyes began to flutter close and slowly he drfited off into a light sleep. A huge splash snapped him out of his sleep and something in the water caught his attention. He squinted unable to believe what he was seeing. An orc, a human, an elf and a fairy were tangled together drowning.
It was almost too much to take in. But he did. Kyle hopped out of his hidey hole and leaped into the water. Using the strength he had been saving to fight off the camp men he hoisted them towards the shallows and glared at them.
Boats drifted down the river. . .
*HEHEHEH! This is what happens when I read a post about stereotypical fantasy creatures. I like to twist things as I see fit.* . . edited.
The slapstick humour with which you like this piece makes for a good laugh. The ridiculousness of this piece alone makes it worth keeping most of it in tact. There are only one or two things that I would change that I don't really think would harm the tone of the piece. The omniscient narrator is not one of them, and without him it would not even be mildly funny, so if anyone tells you to change this, I would have to respectfully, or not so respectfully depending on who the person is, disagree. And don't let anyone tell you to show rather than tell either. This piece needs to be told.
