Am i fine in my suffering?

I was wondering if maybe I should make the blue lines a chorus and write another verse about a different reason why I can never be happy do you'll think that would work?
There have always been things that I wished I could do
and they'll always be things that I can't...
and I've tried
and I've practiced
but it's never okay:
I'll never be good enough.
I'll never be satisfied,
why can't I just accept who I am
and move on, and move on...
but I've tried
and I've tried
I can't seem to forget,
filled with jealousy
my heart aches for joy
but I'll never be happy just as me,
not who i am,
was, or might be
I'll never be happy but maybe I shouldn't be
maybe i was born for this pain, and this jealousy
to suffer in silence is my destiny

Hey BB! Okay so I like what you've got here, it flows very softly and feels almost like a song. Am I write in thinking this is one of those lyrics you told me you convert into poetry? If so, it works very well and it has a pleasant, almost lilting feel to it. Actually, as much as I love poetry, I could see this as a really good song if you extended it and split it into a chorus and verses. That would be really cool.

Here's a line by line to give you a few tips on how to work some of your grammar when you're using poem format:

there've [Start off with a capital and also, I think 'There have' would create a larger impact because it gives you that extra emphasis on the words.] always been things that i wished i could do [Also, it should always be I as opposed to i and you have a very strong start here.]

and they'll always be things that i can't [I think you need some punctuation here but I'm not quite sure what. I'd suggest perhaps an elipse or a dash to represent a pause but not a complete stop.]

and I've tried

and I've practiced

but it's never okay [Maybe a colon here? That would make your next line more final and add to that feel of despair.]

I'll never be good enough [I think a full stop here. You've reached the end of one idea and then you have a slight change in thought/ theme on your next line.]

I'll never be satisfied [Comma here.]

why can't i just accept who i am

why can't i just move on [Instead of having two questions, maybe you could have this line be an extension of the previous one. Perhaps:

Why can't I just accept who I am
and move on and move on!
But I've tried]

but I've tried

and I've tried [The repetition works really well in this poem.]

i can't seem to forget [Comma here.]

filled with jealousy

my heart aches to be happy [I'm not sure that happy is the right word. I think it has too many syllables to fit perfectly so maybe 'glad' or perhaps 'my heart aches to laugh' or you could go for an unusual metaphor. Ask yourself what happiness means to you. For me, it's the sun and the plants and... warmth, friendship. Being able to write and act, having people love me. Make a mental list of everything that really makes you happy and simply think of words that relate. For example, if I took being outdoors, I might use 'my heart aches to climb'. It just adds a nice personal touch, a bit of an original flick on the end of an old line.]

but I'll never be happy with who i am [I'd quite like to play with this line if you don't mind... I think it might sound good as

'but I'll never be happy, not as me:
who I am, who I've been or might be...']

I'll never be happy but maybe i shouldn't be

maybe I'm fine in my suffering [You jump to this line very suddenly. It's not quite worked in and I think you need to build up a little more slowly. Maybe just add in a line or two that leed away from being unhappy about it toward this new line of thinking.]

Overall, I think you've made a good effort. You could perhaps spice it up with similes and metaphors but you've got a good theme and a lovely flow. I hope this helps!

Heather xx

There have always been things that I wished I could do
and they'll always be things that I can't...(really love those lines)
and I've tried
and I've practiced
but it's never okay:
I'll never be good enough.
I'll never be satisfied,
why can't I just accept who I am
and move on, and move on...
but I've tried
and I've tried
I can't seem to forget, (you could say, though I can't seem to forget, that way it flows better)
filled with jealousy (you could say envy here instead so your not repeating unless you repeated it for a reason)
my heart aches for joy
but I'll never be happy just as me,
not who i am,
was, or might be (i love those three lines)
I'll never be happy but maybe I shouldn't be
maybe i was born for this pain, and this jealousy
to suffer in silence is my destiny(and I love these too!!)

Hi!!!
I really like it, and I think you should definitely use those three lines as your chorus. But, I think you should add a line, because it sounds a little short to be a chorus. Also I think you should split it up into two verses. Maybe three. Verses can be 4-6 lines. Heh heh... I really do like it though!!

I'll never be happy but maybe I shouldn't be

maybe i was born for this pain, and this jealousy

to suffer in silence is my destiny

My opinion on those three lines as far as expanding on them is that they work great as they are. I can relate to the overall topic of the poem and to me with further explanation, while it would explain "your" (whom ever the "you" is) pain, it would steal away some of the relatability that people could feel towards it. On the other hand, it could also add a certain personal depth to it, especially for people who feel the same way about what makes "you" unhappy and those who don't would gain insight into "your" reasons on why you feel this way.

So for me, I say leave it, but really its a personal decision depending on the overall intent of the piece.
If you mean to express specifically you're feelings, then it would do well to add some extra lines (particularly if you were to make it into song lyrics).

If you mean to make an openly relatable piece, I think that it's perfect the way it is. While not everyone feels the same as the poem, the ones who do (myself included) can feel a strong connection to it as it is and the ones who don't still gain a peek into the pain conferred.

All in all though, excellent work.

that's exactly the way i feel no one understands me this poem speaks fo real fo real this time good job 5 gold stars for u keep on writing grl keep on writing (clap clap clap) sorry this clap is so long lol but this poem speaks to me good show very very very goooooodddd ver very inspiring keep writng grl

This was sweet and definately to the point. I loved it =] Your first two lines were the most powerful...maybe you should make the last lines powerful too? They are already, but if you could make them seem like its the actaul ending then you would have an extremely good poem here.

Hope this help

*Peacee*

_Writing for love is a passion_

good job actually this could be a really goood song i would listen to it on the radio on the time and i really love the ending:

I'll never be happy but maybe I shouldn't be

maybe i was born for this pain, and this jealousy

to suffer in silence is my destiny

that's really inspirational keep on writing