Vertigo

This is for someone who lives far away from me whom I miss alot.




Across mountains
Of godly-green
I dream back
And remember.

And over roads
Of unending velvet
I am reminded
Of you.

Underneath countless diamonds
Whispering in the sky
Memories float through me
And smiles dance in
My eyes.

Your words rip through
My secrets
And leave me exposed
While I feel my heart
Beating faster to the rhythm of your truth.

Above millions of echoing thoughts
And twisted lives,
My world goes silent
And I swim through the feeling of Vertigo.

But too soon I plummet down-
No more laughs to sooth my soul
And no more glow-worms
To light up your face.
Cause these mountains
Bar the way
And those roads lead me astray.

Across feelings of mixed emotions
And over undying lies
I remember you
And I experience vertigo
Once more.

*brava*brava*
Good Poem. That is all I can truly say now.
Keep up the good work.
No Critique.

Across mountains
Of godly-green
I dream back
And remember.

And over roads
Of unending velvet
I am reminded
Of you.

Excellent beginning. In fact, these first two stanzas are my favorite. The simplicity, the description, and the obvious reliving of feelings makes them perfect.

Underneath [s]countless[/s] diamonds (interrupts the simple flow in my opinion)
Whispering in the sky
Memories float through me
And smiles dance in
My eyes.

Your words rip through
My secrets
And leave me exposed
While I feel my heart
Beating faster to the rhythm of your truth. This last line was too long to flow well. Maybe put something like:


"While I feel my heart
Beating faster to the rhythm
Of your truth"

Above millions of echoing thoughts
And twisted lives,
My world goes silent
[s]And[/s] I swim through the feeling of Vertigo.

But too soon I plummet down-
No more laughs to sooth my soul
[s]And[/s] No more glow-worms
To light up your face.
Because these mountains
Bar the way
And those roads lead me
New line>> astray.

Across [s]feelings of[/s] mixed emotions
And over undying lies
I remember you
And I experience vertigo
Once more.

OVERALL: I love this poem. And the corrections I made, I made because the impression I got from the first few stanzas: simple and intricate at the same time. I don't really like how your stanzas get larger and larger as the poem progresses. But I really likes this poem. Gold star for you!

~Sunny

Heya thanks for your crits guys!

Oh yeah and 200397 I understand what you are saying and I also did realise the stanzas were getting bigger when I wrote them so it isn't just you.

But thanks people,

i really enjoyed it! if you dont mind me asking, what was your exact meaning of the word vertigo? Why did you make it the title? What was its significant meaning for this poem?