Out of a Grey Day

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Thank you all for your input! Since I'm currently shopping this story around at different literary magazines, I thought it prudent to remove it from this site. I hope you guys will someday get to see it in print!

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Hey dear, Stella here!

I. NITPICKS

that’s what these American girls did with their shoes these days.

They bind them up, or they just wear little shoes?

Well, you work with what you get

full stop missing.

Her name was Cara.

If you didn't know, cara is friend in Irish .

Fore some reason or other, she had England on the brain.

For, not fore.

how amazing double-decker buses were.

...America... doesn't have double decker buses?

the Parish Church

No caps, I don't think.

II. BRITPICKS

Basically, some phrases stuck out as very American...

lemon-lime soda can.

lemon and lime fizzy drinks can. Or something of the sort.

Clingy turtleneck?

poloneck?

III. ENDING

You say it's based on a true story, but the end's a bit ambiguous. When she says goodbye, ie. the end, does that mean they never see each other again or that that conversation is just over? I'm just curious.

IV. OVERALL

It was an interesting read .

Hope I helped, drop me a line if you need anything!

-Stella.

Hi gyrfalcon! I decided to drop in and give your story a friendly review, mostly because you were kind enough to drop in with my story the other day.

This was a very delightful story. I liked the description of us Yanks from a British point of view, I found it to be quite hilarious and true. The interaction between Antony and Cara was wonderful, the best little bit of back and forth conversation between two complete strangers I have seen.

The only problem I have is that Antony isn't all that likable at the beginning. For a first person narrator, that's probably a bad thing. We need to be able to form a connection with you, to sympathize with him, and it wasn't until the end when Cara kissed him that I felt that sympathetic connection. Of course, that may be intentional on your part. That was the only thing I found to be out of order though. Everything else was quite delightful.

Well, that does it for me. PM me if you have any questions. Great job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice

Revised and updated.

All comments are very much appreciated!

Hi,
I really liked this story, from what I read.

I hope you post more!

PM me if you need anything!


Love,
N