Eff.

I say wow and congrats on your courage to post this. I don't understand why so many people are getting upset. You already said you didn't want to offend anybody, but its just writing.

day tripper wrote:Okay. Big. Big. Big. BIG note. This isn't love. This isn't a spilling out truthful feelings like most of my writings because over the past few months, I've been through a lot. (Most of it is the reason I haven't been on YWS or writing for that matter.)

Have you ever seen a movie and there is sex scenes? This short, 4 paged story deals a lot with sexual content. I don't want to offend any one but it's writing. Writing doesn't have to be pleasing to everyone's ears. I really just want to get this off my chest. About 75% of this is from my own, first hand experience and thoughts so please at least respect that before bashing me down. Some of you, like Kat! know that I'm a good, loving and caring person and that we each have our downfalls so don't bash down on me from writing something that might offend you. There is a lesson at the end of this, by the way. Once again, this is almost like a vent before I'm taken away from my computer again...

I personally, have never gone through any of what you wrote, but I could feel the emotion you put into it. (if that makes any sense.) Anyways.... I really really liked it. And if more people complain, just ignore them. They were warned before they read it. Have fun and keep writing!

-Lisa M. Cooper

Hey day tripper.

Really enjoyed your story. It was fun, sexy, frank and realistic. It's very with the times and sets an honest interpretation of todays youth - which is by no means a bad thing!

Many people shy away from this kind of sexual content, so it's refreshing to see someone that tells it how it is.

Personally i'd like to hear more, so whenever you're ready...

Okay, so... I love it. It describes a lot of the characters floating around in my head too. I was a little surprised that she was only in ninth grade, but with a family like that she could probably do what she wants- well not for long. I'd like to figure out why she's so okay with it. Is it just because she's loving life and refuses to let go of it? Is there something in her past? Or something in her future? Or just pure unadulterated sultry-ness. Don't know if that's a word, but it is now. I know you could expand this story beyond this, but at the same time its brilliantly written as a short story. And in the future, don't hesitate posting something this promiscuous or dirty. Its rather refreshing in my eyes. Please continue writing! You'll be brilliant.

I love when people write from personal experiences. The story ends up even more believable.
I'll say something i've pretty much read every story you've wrote on here. Keep up the good work.
For some reason i got you mixed up with demeter haha. most likely because i love their stories also.

I find this really brave of you to tell everyone about your own experiences and be honest and trust everyone to either accept or either be nice with their comments.

The main thing I loved about this was the ending paragraph. You made it plain and blunt because, quite frankly, no matter how hard you want someone to change, they won't. I've had some experience with that and it's frustrating for the outsider looking in but I can't imagine how hard it would be for the person who everyone is telling to change.

So I grant you a gold star for effort!

But I must say, the overall effect was kind of... dry? If you wanna really turn this into a miraculous piece with a killer underlying point, I would switch to a more story-telling style. Keep the diary, that was cool, but maybe have blurps with the story and not the diary talking. Have descriptions, ect. Right now, all we know is her POV of Ashton and her parents and the boarding school.

But that's only if you wanna make this a more prominent piece.

Otherwise, leave it the way it is and keep on writing, girl

I liked this.
It was honest, youthful, and naive, sort of, all at the same time.

But there was one other thing about it. Sometimes the writing was juvenile. I can't decide if it is because you wanted it to be from a diary of a person who isn't an awesome writer, which I'm sure you are or can be, or if you just write like this. You can do a bit better, and if you cleaned it up, maybe switched it to third person, it could be a great story!

Here is an example:
"Then one day I decided to text him and things were back to ‘normal’. You could think he was using me, but in a way yes he was. Then again, in a way so was I and he was fine with it."
I don't know, it just sounds so adolescent to me.

And this:
"The way we wrestled with each other and the seductive kisses on my neck as I closed the door of his bedroom and locked it from behind me, the way I liked how we were friends in the process."

It is more of a fragment. What did it make her feel? You never got to the point of the sentence, the most important part.

This could be great, if you took the time to spiff it up. Nice job!

Wow. I started reading this a few days ago and then I finished it today, and I loved it!!! She is the kind of girl who I wouldn't really know, or maybe would know, but not know too much about her private life, she wouldn't really be one of my really close friends. So, you've really been through this?? That would suck, but I really liked the message, because that's what I believe in. And somethimes people do want you to change, but ... yeah, it's what you want that's important.