hope

living in a world in which i want to disappear
fade away into the shadows of misery
pain is something that was welcome in my heart
misery was something i invited and embraced, my only friend in the darkness of my soul
i feel that no one understands the pain i go through everyday, not one soul
as i walk by those who stare i keep to myself, feeling the hate of the world crashing down upon me
waiting for someone to come and take it all away
every breath i take is one more i wish wouldn't come
what was once my reflection is now a vicious beast, a consuming fire of hate
driving away those whom i love to replace their presence with darkness and hate
the rain is my only comfort through the nights that i lie awake dying inside
will no one come and save me from myself
i am surrounded by faces and yet i am more alone than ever before
i wonder through the darkness of my existence day by day with no end in sight
i wish my slumber were never ending, to fall endlessly through my dreams
why is it that i push away everything good in my life
the joy in the eyes of another brings jealousy to my heart in the fullest
how can someone enjoy misery more than the love of another
ignoring the love being pored upon me, only seeing the darkness i have been cursed to endure
death is not something i fear, i invite it, i beg for it to consume me
my heart feels cold, my intentions unforgivable, why do i find satisfaction in the pain of those i love
but could there be hope for someone so lost in hate and emptiness?
perhaps happiness could come in the form of an angel
just one soul that could take the pain away and replace it with a smile i have longed to feel
to fill the emptiness in my heart with warmth and love
could this be the answer to my pain, the one to bring me life for the first time
the end to all that fuels my suffering
one can only hope, one can only dream

Um ok this was very good although very depressing but it was good nonetheless. However, there are a few spelling mistakes

dissapear to disappear
(I believe) pored to poured
sufforing to suffering

and these two lines:
"what was once my reflection is now a vicious beast, a consuming fire of hate
driving away those whom i love to replace their presence with darkness and hate"
I'm just not feeling the line of 'hate' twice in a row

So overall I really liked it. You must have a talent for writing poems.
Oh! And one more thing. Make sure you use proper punctuation. Sorry, just kinda bugs me when it's not an im.

Rather than looking at how you're in pain, I'd try thinking about why you are, and describe the scenes. I like how you turn things around at the end; that works very well. I'd add full stops. Some of the lines are cliches, and don't really add to the poem. I'd avoid all references to "hate" "darkness" and "heart"; they don't tell us enough, and. judging from some of your imagery here, you can be more inventive.I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to go through it and cross out lines, and change things, just to show you what I mean;

"living in a world in which i want to dissapear, (Only one 's' in 'disappear').

fade away into the [s]shadows of misery[/s] [i]What are the "shadows of misery?" I'd either spend more time describing them, or use a direct description.

Pain [s]is something that [/s]was welcome [s]in my heart[/s] [/i]The personification of pain is good, but I'd cut references to the heart, as it's been done a million times before.

misery was something i invited and embraced, my only friend [s]in the darkness of my soul[/s] (Again, the personification is good. I'd try to avoid talking about darkness, as it quickly gets you into emo poetry...there's a good article on this in the poetry tutorial section, to the best of my recollection.)

[s]i feel that no one understands the pain i go through everyday, not one soul[/s] (This is a cliche. No one understands anyone; also, saying this will alienate your reader).

as i walk by those who stare i keep to myself, [s]feeling the hate of the world crashing down upon me[/s] (This is too abstract)

[s]waiting for someone to come and take it all away

every breath i take is one more i wish wouldn't come[/s]

what was once my reflection is now a vicious beast, a comsuming fire of hate.i](The bit about the beast is effective. It's a good image, Maybe try devoting a whole poem to it.)[/i]

driving away those I love to replace their presence with darkness and hate.

the rain is my only comfort through the nights that i lie awake dying inside.

will no one come and save me from myself[/s]

[s]i am surrounded by faces and yet i am more alone than ever before[/s]

i wonder (This should be wander) through the darkness of my existence day by day [s]with no end in sight[/s]

i wish my slumber were never ending, to fall endlessly through my dreams (This is a nice image)

why is it that i push away everything good in my life

the joy in the eyes of another brings jealousy .[s]to my heart in the fullest[/s] (Try personification, like you did earlier.)

how can someone enjoy misery more than the love of another

[s]ignoring the love being pored upon me, only seeing the darkness i have been cursed to endure[/s]

death is not something i fear, i invite it, i beg for it to consume me

[s]my heart feels cold, my intentions unforgivable, why do i find satisfaction in the pain of those i love[/s]

but could there be hope for someone so lost in hate and emptiness?

perhaps happiness could come in the form of an angel,

just one soul that could take the pain away and replace it with a smile i have longed to feel,

to fill the emptiness in my heart with warmth and love (The change of theme is interesting. I'd isolate these lines in a new verse, as they are the turning point.)

[s]could this be the answer to my pain, the one to bring me life for the first time[/s]

the end to all that fuels my sufforing (Suffering. Try the spell check before you submit, it'll show you the typos, and only takes a minute, It's just above the box you post in.)

one can only hope, one can only dream (Of what? I'd use imagery here. Show, don't tell.)[i]

If you're not sure about where to put full stops, try reading this aloud and put full stops where you need to take a breath.

Hope this helps.

Jas

living in a world in which i want to disappear
fade away into the shadows of misery
pain is something that was welcome in my heart

• Please capitalize your "I"'s please. We stress that sort of thing here.

misery was something i invited and embraced, my only friend in the darkness of my soul
i feel that no one understands the pain i go through everyday, not one soul
as i walk by those who stare i keep to myself, feeling the hate of the world crashing down upon me

• Again, your "I"'s.
• Also, the word misery is one, used too many times already, and is terribly noticeable. Also, misery is usually a dark thing. It usually doesn't keep you company in the darkness of your soul which is equally dark which technically means that you enjoy the dark when you also implied that the "darkness in your soul" was not good. Confusing, no?

waiting for someone to come and take it all away
every breath i take is one more i wish wouldn't come
what was once my reflection is now a vicious beast, a consuming fire of hate
driving away those whom i love to replace their presence with darkness and hate

• You enjoy repeating words don't you? It's getting really noticeable and it doesn't sound all that great.
• Capitalize your freakin' "I"'s.

the rain is my only comfort through the nights that i lie awake dying inside
will no one come and save me from myself
i am surrounded by faces and yet i am more alone than ever before
i wonder through the darkness of my existence day by day with no end in sight
i wish my slumber were never ending, to fall endlessly through my dreams

• "Were," should be "Was."
• "Wonder" should perhaps be "wander?"
• Ugh. Gross. Your "I"'s aren't capitalized.

why is it that i push away everything good in my life
the joy in the eyes of another brings jealousy to my heart in the fullest
how can someone enjoy misery more than the love of another
ignoring the love being pored upon me, only seeing the darkness i have been cursed to endure

• "Pored" should be "poured."
• Darkness again. It sounds familiar...
• *Ahem.* Your "I"'s. Need I say more?

---

To be absolutely frank, I didn't like this poem. I thought that it jumped around explaining random things that had no connection whatsoever.

Also, the repetition was annoying and by the last stanza chunk, I thought that if I had to see another "darkness," or "misery" I'd hurl.

It's also ruthlessly whiny. It complains so much that it was painful to finish. It would, however, make a wonderful Emo-Rock song.

I think also, that you could separate this large chunk of writing into stanzas. It reads more like prose than poetry, and I think that, if anything, a stanza format would save this poem.

Your "I"'s. The most constant issue here. We really do stress the usage of proper capitalization. Also, just in case, we also stress the usage of good syntax, grammar and spelling. We have a spell check.

I realize I've been undeniably nasty to you. I don't repudiate it, you may hate me for the rest of eternity. But it is my job to give you an honest review. I hope that the things I have said are not taken personally and used to improve this not quite hopeless poem. I am sorry if you have taken this personally.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody

Dear, I absolutely loved it. But I have a few things I recommend. First, you need to capitalize 'I' and at the beginning of a sentence. Secondly, you need to add punctuation. I believe if you make those simple changes you'll do well in the future.':)