Three Weeks

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Are you watching me tonight?
Can you feel the pain in me?
I lie with my cheek against ice
As tears drip on the linoleum

Stay with me, I’m begging
Till the darkness fades away
I know you’re busy all the time,
But can’t you just hold me?

Three weeks and it’s still hard
Wavering, wondering if this is truth
Just take the pain away, is that okay?
‘Cause I’m unable to breathe

Does the rain mimic your tears
Or am I just holding on into something
Something that is not there?
I’m still caught and wondering

Three weeks and the pain is there
Tried to look at the petals, not the thorns
Weight on my shoulders’ increasing
And I’m not strong enough to hold it in

Three weeks and I’m holding on to cobwebs
Will someone pull me up?
Three weeks and I’m trying to hope
But the light is getting fainter and fainter

Three weeks and I’m able to hold my head high
Three weeks and I hope I will believe in you
Some time please and I know that I will be okay…
And we'll be a dream...

"Dee Dubbleyou." - BigBadBear




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Gender Male
Points 1659
Reviews 223
deafwriter_19 wrote:Are you watching me tonight?
Can you feel the pain in me?
I lie with my cheek against ice
As tears drip on the linoleum. Where did you find linoleum and ice in the same place??

Stay with me, I’m begging you
Till the darkness fades away.
I know you’re busy all the time,
But can’t you just hold me?

Three weeks and it’s still hard:
Wavering, wondering if this is truth.
Just take the pain away, is that okay?
‘Cause I’m unable to breathe.

Does the rain mimic your tears
Or am I just holding on into something This doesn't fit after the beautiful image you made with the rain and tears.
Something that is not there?
I’m still caught and wondering...

Three weeks and the pain is there. Where?
Tried to look at the petals, not the thorns That's another nice image, but it's useless if you don't connect her with the other verses in the stanza.
Weight on my shoulders’ increasing
And I’m not strong enough to hold it in.

Three weeks and I’m holding on to cobwebs.
Will someone pull me up?
Three weeks and I’m trying to hope ...you hope or you don't : choose.
But the light is getting fainter and fainter

Three weeks and I’m able to hold my head high
Three weeks and I hope I will believe in you
Some time please and I know that I will be okay…


Why did you write the last stanza in just three verses?
The repetition isn't quite helpful too.

4/10
Dreams they come and go...ever shall be so...



Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge!
— April, Parks & Rec