This is just a little bit, some may recognize the characters name for I have used a few in the character tea party and in Chime Endlessly, and if you’re wondering, yes that is them. If you have no idea what I’m rambling on about… hi! Sorry, nervous impulses of mine. Well, here it goes.
Unaffected
How long does it take for the ache, the burning sensation that hit’s the pit of your stomach the moment you realise you did something wrong, to lose it’s affect? That insatiable guilt eating away at the very thing you called your soul… till there is nothing left but a pitiless human with no urge to raise his sword one last time. How long does it take for your eyes to glimpse down at the crimson flow that splattered your blade and not feel the need to break down and cry?
I myself could not answer these questions. In fact, I hardly understood them myself, but one thing I knew for sure. I could no longer feel any of it.
I knew first hand how the blade had corrupted my heart and soul. Made me a cold, dark man with no purpose but the ways of the sword. I struck any man down who came in my way, let my blade slide through their flesh like it was mere fabric, each strike carrying all the strength I could muster.
Because that was the life of an assassin.
My eyes raised towards the life I had destroyed, his eyes wide like moons, hands reaching towards my boots. His breathing had become so laboured I was surprised he could still breath at all, and in that very instant, I took yet another life away. That ache of killing though was not there to slacken my arms, for if I were to become heavy with guilt, I would for surely die.
And death was not an option.
I pulled my blade from the back of the man who now lay sprawled across the red soaked dirt that was the ground, his once wide eyes now empty, glazed over. The sign that he no longer lived. This didn’t stop the next enemy from attacking me though, with as much perseverance as the last, but still he was too slow for someone who had trained all their life to kill and in the quickest ways possible. I parried his blow and sliced his neck with the grace of a predator, blue eyes flaring with the same uncontrollable fire that pushed me forwards.
“Fatred!” I could hear Kirun’s familiar voice call from not too far off. I turned my eyes in every which direction, searching for him with a sense of curiosity and wonderment on why he was calling upon me. I could see nothing though but bloodshed and the onslaught of death against the blood red sky. A scene that had been depicted by many a paintings and yet here I stood, staring at a hell that mankind had created. “Our men are retreating! We must fall back!”
“This isn’t over yet!” I yelled at nothing at all or so it seemed. Within seconds my blade was wrenching itself out of another man’s back as if the killing was of it’s own accord. I was so anger filled, so lost in the adrenaline that I could not stop. I wouldn’t stop until every last Rangdelfian was pummelled to the ground. They deserved death, every last one of them.
“We must retreat Fatred!” Kirun’s voice sounded exasperated when his face came into view. His own short dagger-blades were swinging dangerously at any who opposed him, but none came close and quickly turned towards more reasonable opponents. Not one of them wanted to fight an elf, especially ones of such stature as Kirun and Ezra.
“Stop this madness at least for a short while!” Ezra spoke this time, frantically. “We don’t have the strength to fight on any longer!”
“I cannot go back!” I turned towards Kirun and Ezra, eyes brimming with tears now that should never have been shed. The sight of them was one that had broke me of my reverie, their pale skin splattered with blood and dirt, hair drenched in sweat. Now they became blurry as I forced the tears away with my sleeve, body quivering as I did so.
“She’s safe, Fatred,” Kirun said gently, his eyes becoming soft. “She’s alright. Please, retreat with us back to the castle. If you do not, you’ll be overpowered in no time without the help of any others but yourself. I know you cannot stand up against an army this size by yourself unless your completely suicidal.”
“Dying for my country is not a crime,” I looked down at my boots, too ashamed to look anywhere but.
“But she’s waiting for you Fatred.” Kirun smiled solemnly. A smile of a man who could no longer feel happiness. “Don’t let this be the end of it. You’ll have your revenge, just lower your sword. Retreat.”
“And what will that prove? I’m to weak to stand up and fight? To scared to charge forward and slay those who threaten to hurt the ones I care for?” I could feel my voice shaking uncontrollably. “When all is good an done, will I be able to stand before her and say that I fought, tooth and nail to protect her?”
“Look at yourself Fatred for even a second!” Ezra pushed past Kirun to shove me, annoyed. “Tell me you aren’t fighting desperately! We are all fighting desperately, but we are at our limits! It’s time to break, to regain our strength behind the castle walls where it is safe!”
“You make it sound so easy to just walk away!” I turned my head, eyes staring at the mangled corpses around me.
“Athira loves you!” Kirun pleaded. “She’s waiting in there for your return, crying tears over you because she’s afraid that you’ll do exactly what you’re about to do! Go and die in a useless attempt at ending this war! Go calm her nerves, tell her she was wrong. Tell her that everything will be okay cause it is! We are your brethren Fatred. Your kin, even if we no longer serve as your brothers. No matter what, we will follow you, even into death if we must, but now is not the time to die. Not until we have won.”
“But there are men still out there,” I pointed forwards towards the opposing side. “They are fighting desperately and we’ll just turn our back on those men?”
“The bells have rung, your ears just could not hear them in such a state.” Kirun raised his hand to my cheek so comfortingly I nearly dropped my sword where I stood. “They will come. Let us go.”
Unaffected… I always thought of myself as someone who could no longer feel, but that was not true. No, I felt everything that I had grown so accustomed to feeling as an assassin should, but as I stand here now, I realise that I wanted to die. Even if it did not seem as such, I wanted to die because I hated my existence and I hated the existence of those who killed innocent people. I wanted to die killing as many of them as I could, because at least then, maybe I could atone for some of my sins.
But death was death, murder was murder, there was no exception. By killing to save, I killed. I was no better then them, and I wanted to die.
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This is sort of a little insight into one of my novels called War of Stars. It’s the sequel to my first novel, and although this will most likely not be used in the novel, I thought I would give a somewhat accurate idea of the scenes I have in store for Chime Endlessly even though this is in the eyes of Fatred.
Thank you all and please review! It would mean the world to me!
