Elegy for Columbine

...

200397 wrote:Dedicated to all who have felt the sorrows of the Columbine shooting. And also to Rachel Scott, victim of the shooting. Rest in peace.

------------------------------------

Elegy for Columbine

Thirteen tears hit the ground:
Easily, swiftly, without a sound.
Sobs died, remembered in silence,
But never forgot that act of violence

Thirteen little drops of blood,
Thousands of souls try to stem the flood This one is just a little too long. Try to replace "try to" with something and it will be perfect.
Many people of love bereft
Hold the memories as all they have left.

Thirteen bullets, ending life;
Meant for revenge, now causing strife.
Two angry figures went blazing by
Leaving the rest to wonder why

Thirteen children, gone for good
Having done in life all they could.
To stop a world of fear and hate,
To us, they have become great

From the ashes of this fire
Will rise a hope that cannot die.
Nursed by tears, a thing will grow,
Hope that will know no woe.

I corrected your punctuation so you can edit it now... I liked this, I won't be too wordy now so...

6/10 (just for the usual rhyming scheme.)

I really felt the sadness in this poem, although I don't know much of the Columbine shootings (I'll do research on it when I'm done with reviewing). The emotion you conveyed here was quite fantastic, and it makes the reader feel that particular emotion. I give you a cookie for that ability ^^

The only problem I had here was punctuation. People think it's not necessary, but yes, it is! It helps the poem flow better.

Anyway, there are no major problems with this one. I don't see a big problem with the rhymes - they aren't really forced. But if you want to be on the safe side, stick with free verse. ^^

Good work on this one, and keep it up!