Blodsun

Blodsun

In the halls of olden days,
Past the gardens wreathed in shades
Incarnadine and bone bleached white,
Dyed the red of sun's first light,
Sat a man upon his throne,
Sat a man who, all alone,
Did spend his days in desolate mood
For all who dwelt within his halls
Had with the man a baleful feud
And worked towards his downfall.

Upon his throne of blackest glass
He sat and pondered, but, alas,
No method could the man espy
To cause this malintent to die.
So sat this man upon his throne,
So sat this man, who, all alone,
Did wonder what he had to do
To bring swift end to madness,
To make all those responsible rue
That they had caused this sadness.

Lord of desert, lord of sand,
Lord of driest barren land -
Thus came the self-styled Sandstorm King
Of the Seas of Zarabim
Unto the court of the lonely man,
And there he offered to give his hand
In friendship to the black glass throne
So neither would need stand alone.

Black glass throne and Sandstorm King
Together did retribution bring
Upon those who would dare connive
Against either one of their lives.
But little did the lone man know
The Sandstorm King longed for his throne
And when the time came at long last
For the Sandstorm King to strike,
The lonely man stood not a chance –
A trophy speared upon a pike.

Upon that fateful day the sun
Rose crimson as the deed was done
And stained the halls bright with blood
As Sandstorm King unleashed a flood
Of pain and misery upon the land
As he bent its people to his command.
Ever after was the castle known
As the dwelling place of pain,
And ever after was the black glass throne
The seat of Good's great bane.

-=-=-=-

This poem ties into one of my novels ("The Death of the Dark Lord Thirilight" which I have yet to post here).

Well, this was a rather interesting piece. I did like how you told a story using poetry. It was a very good story too, well worded and paced and whatnot. Overall, I think that, I might take a look at your novel based on this poem, I like it that much.

Sorry about the brevity of this. I just suck at poetry reviews. Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice

I am absolutely enthralled by this piece. A perfect piece and example of narrative poetry, the rhyming scheme was done brilliantly! To add some style and change it up from using so many damned commas I would, however, suggest using paranthesis in some places.

Example:

Sat a man who(all alone),

That is just the type of style I prefer, it is really based on preference! Otherwise, great job! The story was vivid and kept me reading, very dark and mysterious.

this is impressive! i like the way it tells a story. you did a great job of setting the tone, getting the reader into the mood of the piece, and keeping up with your rhythm.

the only thing i didn't like was the fact that sometimes you interrupted your rhyming pattern. it can sometimes disrupt the flow or make the poem sound choppy.

however, i think this flowed pretty well. props!