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How can I make the characters better?
Chapter 2:
All through class I got notes chucked at me one’s that made no sense at all like:
How could you say that about your best friend?
Say what? I was confused and all I wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry. I felt a bit better knowing that Nick was by my side, but not a lot. I had just lost my Best friend I don’t even know how, and the whole school hated me.
All through the rest of the day I would get yelled at when I walked down the corridor and tripped up. Nick couldn't’t do much about it apart from pick me up when I fell. I felt terrible.
“What could you have done, to make everyone so mad.”Nick whispered in my ear.
“I don’t know! Not even the slightest idea I didn’t even talk to Monica last night, apart from one text.”I said
After that I went into my own little dream, thinking about everything I did last night. After school I went to work at the local bookshop ‘Bookworm’ (so I couldn't’t have done anything there.) When I got home I had a lot of school work to do, I had a text from Monica asking if I wanted to go to town i text back saying I couldn't’t I had homework. (Was she made about that? I don’t think so) after homework I sat with my family and watched TV, while I checked my emails and went on bebo. Nothing I did last night was so wrong that could make everyone hate me.
“Hill!” Nick snapped me out of my thoughts. “Come on we have gym.”
Great! Just what I need. Now I really would be showing my legs. I thought as we walked across the court, toward gym, with people yelling at each other and chucking balls everywhere. My arms flew up around my head in self defence as a ball hurled towards me. When I walked in I realised I would have to walk into the girls changing room alone.
“It will be okay.” Nick said reading my face expression. Yeah he could say that I’m going to die in there I thought to myself. He let go of my hand as I walked of towards the changing room. When I opened the door the girls stopped what they were doing and stared at me.
“Oh, look here's miss-i-cant-do-anything-wrong.” Someone said across the other side of the changing rooms.
I felt like I was the size of a pea. I walked over to a clear space of bench and put my bag down. I got my P.E. uniform out and went into a toilet cubicle. I could hear girls laughing and whispering outside of the door, and I wished I could just stay in here forever. I knew Nick would be waiting outside of the door for me and I just had to get through this so I could get to him, but I didn’t feel any better he couldn't’t make this go away.
I reluntantly opened the door to the toilet cubicle and walked towards my bag trying to ignore the cold stares I got from the giggling girls. When I got to my bag tears weld up in my eyes, and I couldn't’t handle it anymore. They had scribbled words and pictures all over it. When they knew I saw it they all cracked up laughing.
“You like your new bag?” someone yelled through bursts of giggles.
I picked my bag up of the seat and ran out the door, tears starting to full down my face. When I got outside all the boys were standing - in a big group chatting about god-knows-what with a strong smell of links in the air- waiting for all the girls. I caught sight of Nick standing right at the front closest to the girls changing rooms.
“Hill.” He said worry in his voice when he saw my tears.
I pushed through him barley able to see anything and ran out the door.
“Hillary Carter… come back here this instant.” I heard the teacher yell behind me.
But nothing would make me go back; I would get transferred to a new school. I couldn't’t do it anymore. It had only been a day imagine what it would be like in a week; maybe Nick would hate me too. I would have no one and I don’t even no why everyone hates me so much. I ran the whole way home I couldn't’t stop or slow down, it was like I was programmed at that speed and I couldn't’t change it.
Once I got home I started to run up the stairs and I heard shuffling in the kitchen.
“Dad?” I called down, already planning on what weapon to use if it wasn’t.
“Hill, is that you? Why are you home.” Dad asked.
Relief flooded through me when I heard it was him. I couldn't’t tell him the truth of what a horrible day I had though. “Early closure?” I said by mistake I made it sound like a question, but he didn’t notice.
“Okay.” He yelled back up to me, as he went back to whatever he was doing. Whatever it was it involved a lot of banging.
When I got up stairs I fell to the ground and curled myself up into a little ball.
I don’t know how long I was up there for but I heard a knock come from the front door. I heard dad shuffling from the kitchen and towards the door. Then the click of the door unlocking.
“Oh, hello Nick how are you?” I heard my dad say.
“Hello Mr Carter, I’m good is Hill around?” he asked kind of in a rush.
“Yup sure she’s in her room, she’s been up there since she got home!” he sounded worried but mostly curious.
“Okay thanks, Mr Carter I’ll go see her.”
Great, I didn’t really feel like guests, not even Nick. I wanted to be by myself and just rock in the corner and feel sorry for myself. Before I could think about it anymore the door to my room opened.
“Hill?” Nicks voice came through the crack of the door.
“Yup.” I said as i tried to pick myself up a bit make myself look a bit better but I didn’t have the energy. He rushed in and sat next to me.
“I was so worried Hill, are you okay?” he asked with so much care in his voice.
“No.” I managed to squeak out.
I saw he still had his P.E. uniform on, his face was red and his blond hair was wind swept. His bright blue eyes were full with concern.
“Oh, Hill.” He said as he put his arms around me. It felt good to rest my head against him. Tears pricked the corner of my eyes but I held them back.
“What’s that?” he asked, looking at my bag.
“My bag.” I replied it sounded so stupid of course it was my bag.. He let go of me and went and looked at it.
“What happened to it?” he asked.
“Those girls happened to it.”I replied, coldly
“Is this why you ran out of gym today?” he asked his face went all sympathetic.
“Yea.” I put my head lower into my knees.
“This is horrible! We should tell someone the, dean?” he said certain and serious.
I pulled my head up higher so I was facing him.
“But they’ll never believe us. Monica will just say what I did. If it’s that bad that the whole school hates me, I’ll be in big trouble!” I said feeling more and more miserable. ‘What did I do?’ I thought to myself.
“Well…we need to find out what you did and put a stop to it.” He said as he banged his hand to the ground for a dramatic affect.
I laughed. We sat in silence for awhile as I studied Nick’s face for any signs that he might hate me to or something. He didn’t seem to show anything.
“What if you start to hate me too?” I said all in a rush. “If everyone else does they might convince you into thinking I did something.” I couldn't’t hold back the tears now so I let them full.
He shook his head and came and sat next to me again.
“They will never make me hate you! I mean it.” He said with a smile.
I pulled a smile onto my face but I didn’t feel any better, somehow I’m sure he would end up hating me too.
but good. if this really happened to you then that really sucks. I sympasize with you! okay just a couple of things...(I'm the least picky. I mainly focus on the story)
Don't be put off by the amount of nit-piks. Most are my opinion so you an choose whether you listen to them or not.