Shady Debate

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Black and White lived in a small village called Shades. Black and White never got along. They were always being paired together, being called 'Black and White'. They were sick of each other and sick of being paired. One day, they just couldn't take it anymore.
“Why do you always get to be first?” asked White. “Why can't it be White and Black?”
“Because,” replied Black, “I am am far more superior. Now can we please leave? We're due for an I Love Lucy re-run in five minutes!”
“No! I'm not going until you say that I am far more superior a shade than you are!”
“What world are you living in? I would never say that! What color do you see when you go to sleep? What color is the night sky?” Black says.
“You forgot what color is your heart! White is FAR more superior than black. What color is cleanliness? What color is Godliness? What color is sun-reflective?” White back sasses.
The two argue for days and nights, fighting which one is better. Finally,their friend, Blue, comes in.
“Why have you two been fighting for so long?” Blue asked.
“Who's better?” Black and White and/ or White and Black answered at the same time.
“There isn't a best among shades, but if you really must find out then how about you run at each other, and whoever is strongest is best?”
Black and White both agreed to do this. They set themselves in position and waited for Blue's mark.
“On your mark... get set... GO!” Blue yelled.
Black and White ran at each other. They both collided and came out one.
“There, now your problem is over. You are a one new shade that you cannot fight over. See you later. Grey.”
Have a peanut =)

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Hey Peanut

This was a pretty cute story. It doesn't make much sense, but it's not really meant to, so that is fine. One or two nitpicks:

I am am far more superior

You are far superior, not far "more" superior.

“No! I'm not going until you say that I am far more superior a shade than you are!”

Perhaps, "No, I'm not going until you say that I am better than you!" -- Much more cheeky.

Aside from this, very cute.

Have a good one!
:)
#TNT

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
-- Robert Frost

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Hey, there! Dahlia here to critique.

peanutgallery007 wrote:Black and White lived in a small village called Shades. Black and White never got along. They were always being paired together, and called 'Black and White'. They were sick of each other and sick of being paired. One day, they just couldn't take it anymore.


Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back up. This is all telling! Remember, show don't tell.

“Because,” replied Black, “I am am far more superior. Now can we please leave? We're due for an I Love Lucy rerun in five minutes!”


Rerun is one word I believe.

“There, now your problem is over. You are a one new shade that you cannot fight over. See you later, Grey.”


:arrow: I think you use too much telling in this piece, which is a never a good thing. Try to show us what's happening. I know this sounds cliche, but I think showing vs. telling is up there in the fundamental rules of writing. :wink:

:idea: Otherwise, I liked this. I thought it was light and fun and an overall good read. Hope I helped!

---Dahlia
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You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.
— J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan