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I really enjoy this piece-poem? What ever which way you look at it.
"icicles like scissors, snipping off dwarf fingers"
beautiful.
You could add another couple of lines after "and we're left alone again" since it doesnt quite convey the dread of being forgotten before daddy comes.
I remember this feeling well; this really speaks to me. Except the cold... but a wonderful poem-piece, altogether.
Can you tell this is my first critique?

This was good. A few little things however. Firstly, the beginning of each line needs to be capitalized. Secondly, you need more punctuation. You have some, but it needs a bit more, nothing fancy, just a comma or a period here and there. And lastly, some of the words you used didn't make much sense to me in the context.

snipping off dwarf fingers
pleading blue streams
of innocent blood

"Pleading" didn't seem quite right to me. I have an idea of what you meant, but that wouldn't be the word I'd use. Anyway, other than that, good job!

Hey, Tennis! Here's my critique:

Daddy - where are you?
It feels like hours
outside the grubby outlet mall,
singing in collosal snowbanks
Natasa and I.
[s]i[/s]Icicles like scissors
snipping off dwarf fingers,
pleading blue streams
of innocent blood
to fade from my cheeks.
Twenty two minutes behind us.
Daddy - where are you?
My shallow breaths
finally halting,
just as the last car
sweeps by,
[s]A[/s]and we're left alone again.
Suddenly,
taste of
fuzzy,
orange
peach candy-
[s]S[/s]sour
but sweet-
and
Daddy's soothing but
rough touch-

He's here.

Okie dokie, on to the overall review.

I liked how you used the senses, but I didn't get enough of the raw emotion here. Did she want to even see her daddy? I couldn't tell- she was just waiting. Perhaps that was the point, though.
But I still liked it. Pretty good job- keep up the good work!

Love,
Music.

Hi!

I liked it! The way it is written and the way you use a little amount of words in a line- it added tot the feeling and atmosphere of the poem.
I liked the whole part about the peach, sour sweet and stuff. It's really sweet. The simplicity makes it beautiful and works very well.

Wow, for such a young age, you have fantastic potential!

Hmm..I couldn't really find any faults with this poem...I loved the imagery and meaning you put into it. You can really imagine the scenario.

Be careful though, I've just spotted something lol, "Daddy's" should really be "Daddys" or does that not work...otherwise it would read "Daddy is soft touch".

I really like this poem and a gold star may it have! There's something about it that makes me want to read it over and over againnn.

I can't wait to read more of your poems and wish you look in the future! You have talent my dear!

~ Hayleylucy

P.S Sorry, not much of a reviewwwww

Great work.

The questioning air mixed with the general waiting feel throughout the work definitely made it an interesting read.

The topic is really specific hah, I wonder why that would be a topic in a class.

This definitely appealed to the senses, especially the ending.

It threw me off, these smells coming from nowhere but all in all it was a good read and a good surprise.

I loved it, keep it up, I want to see more from you young lady ^_^

Exe's and Oh's, Eraqio.

"Icicles like scissors snipping off dwarf finger."

That line was great. There needs to be some more of that kind of imagery in the poem. It's very, very good, but some more unusual, vivid lines like that would make it spectacular.

Also, I thought that the piece was occasionally choppy. Maybe try putting the shorter lines together so it isn't so broken up in places.

Overall, great job. Looking forward to reading more.

~CK Lynn