'Trapped Butterfly'

Hi. These are my first set of lyrics posted on here. Any comments appreciated.

*

Verse One:

She smiles and it breaks your heart
The twinkle in her eyes tears you apart
Her laughter takes your breath away
She’s the one you want every single day

Chorus:

She’s a trapped butterfly, trapped butterfly
Waiting for someone, anyone to set her free
Let her spread her wings and dance in the sky
You love her, so dance with her, set her free

Verse Two:

She walks and you stumble, you fall
You hope that it’ll be your name she’ll call
Her accent leaves you dumbstruck
You always wonder if you will have the luck

Chorus:

She’s a trapped butterfly, trapped butterfly
Waiting for someone, anyone to set her free
Let her spread her wings and dance in the sky
You love her, so dance with her, set her free
(x2)

Bridge:

Spread your wings, dance in the sky
Clasp her hands, twist her around
Spread your wings, dance in the sky
Clasp her hands, twist her around
Spread your wings, dance in the sky
Clasp her hands, twist her around


Chorus:

She’s a trapped butterfly, trapped butterfly
Waiting for someone, anyone to set her free
Let her spread my wings and dance in the sky
You love her, so dance with her, set her free
Spread your wings, dance in the sky
Clasp her hands, twist her around
Clasp her hands, twist her around
Clasp her hands, twist her around

*

Lisa

Listening to: 'Five Colours In Her Hair' by McFly.

Hey there Lisa! Welcome to YWS!
I will give a pointless review, only to support you, because for a first lyrics this is great! I absolutely loved it and I would like to see it with melody!

The only thing I thought that wasn't completely right:

She’s a trapped butterfly, trapped butterfly
Waiting for someone, anyone to set her free
Let her spread her wings and dance in the sky
You love her, so dance with her, set her free

The first thing is that you changed the rhyming scheme, but that doesn't even affect it in here. I don't particularly liked the repetition of free. It sounds good but the it ruins the rhyming...
Anyway that was just an opinion!
I'd love to see more of your work Lisa!

*Kat*
PM me if you need anything!

Absolutely beautiful. I cam up with my own tune to sing along with it though. I hope that is okay! I will prolly be singing this for a while now. How long have you been writing songs? You're really good. *Conceded moment* Almost as good as me! teehee. Joking. We are pretty close though.

Bleeding Rose wrote:Absolutely beautiful. I cam up with my own tune to sing along with it though. I hope that is okay! I will prolly be singing this for a while now. How long have you been writing songs? You're really good. *Conceded moment* Almost as good as me! teehee. Joking. We are pretty close though.

I've been writing lyrics for three years in November, and hopefully this year it will be the year of the tunes *fingers crossed*. And, yeah, I think these are the prettiest lyrics I've written so far.

What's your tune like? I was thinking of acoustic rock with piano and a bit of violin.

Lisa

Hey =]

Aww - that was so nice! I'm not really that good at reviewing poetry or lyrics but this was really good.

The imagery was beautiful and it seemed to flow well =]

So yeah, this wasn't a very constructive review but I really liked it

*two thumbs up*

xDudettex