Emma Hereford- Chapter I Part II

Please read chapter I part I before reading part II. This is a continuation of part I.

April 15th, 1730
Kent, England

“Where was it that we met last, Emma?” he asked, entertained.
“I believe it was at a party in Rochester, my Lord,” I replied, playing along.
“And I believe we danced at that party, did we not?”
“We did dance, sir.”
“Ah, I thought so.” He chuckled. “I remember it well.” He held out his arm. I took it and we walked over to Elizabeth and Charles, who were chatting animatedly.
“Shall we go, then? Are you both ready?” Robert asked. Elizabeth and I nodded. Robert and Charles led us to the door where my aunt and uncle waited. I felt a bit lightheaded; we were really leaving. I glanced back at Elizabeth who looked pleased as we walked towards her parents. Apparently her worries about leaving home had vanished.
When we reached my aunt and uncle, Robert and I stood before them. Aunt looked melancholy as she put her arms around me while uncle’s face was void of emotion. Uncle glanced at Robert as I was released from the embrace.
“Take care of her.” Was all he said. I bowed my head and curtsied to the adopted parents who had cared for me for so long. A wave of sadness swept over me, but I was determined to appear cheerful and charming before my husband-to-be. I smiled at my aunt and uncle as I rose neatly from my curtsy.
“Goodbye,” I said, “Thank you.” Robert took my arm and we walked down the front steps to the carriage that awaited us. He helped me into the beautiful black coach and climbed in after me. We sat in silence, looking down at our feet as we waited for Elizabeth and Charles to say their goodbyes.
Elizabeth stepped gracefully into the coach and sat down next to me. Charles sat opposite her. I looked sideways at Elizabeth who seemed far less melancholy as I would have thought. She stared out the window contently. With a sudden jolt the carriage began moving forward. We traveled at a brisk pace, the beautiful countryside rushing past us in a whirl of bright colors. Charles and Elizabeth chatted easily the whole ride. Robert and I offered a few comments but otherwise remained silent. I stared out the window at the pinks, yellows and greens of Spring hoping that Robert didn’t think me boring for being so quiet. It wasn’t that I was shy; certainly I would not feel too shy around Robert, whom I’d known for three years. I was simply not in the mood for idle chat.
When the coach arrived at the Carre’s grand estate I was filled with sudden delight. My lips parted into an elated smile as I saw the splendor of the famed gardens and the magnificent building itself come into view as we drove down the dirt road leading to the estate. There was a fountain in the center of the circle in front of the main building from which poured endless amounts of water. Seeing my delight, Robert smiled.
“Does the estate please you, Lady Hereford?” He inquired.
“Beyond words, my Lord,” I replied emotionally.
“I am glad that you like it. We have a forest nearby that is wonderful for hunting. Do you hunt, Lady Hereford?
“Oh, yes. I am very fond of hunting,” I said, still staring out the window at the estate.
“Good. Perhaps we shall hunt tomorrow, if you are not too weary from the journey.” I knew straightaway that no journey would leave me too weary to hunt with Lord Robert, but I did not have a chance to answer him. We came to a stop in front of the estate, and a young man wearing a white trimmed red coat opened the door to my left and unfolded the step from underneath the coach. He offered me his hand, which I took as I stepped lightly onto the ground. Glancing up at the long steps that led to the front doors, I saw a woman whom I immediately recognized as Lady Carre. Her once golden hair was now graying. Her face had obtained new lines around her unsmiling mouth. Yet age had not wilted her incredible sense of fashion. Her hair was pinned in the newest style under the very fashionable hood of a dark green taffeta cape. Glittering emeralds hung from her ears, and a detailed pearl necklace adorned her neck. I stood in awe of the widowed countess.
Elizabeth stepped down behind me, followed by Robert and Charles who led us up the stairs and presented us to their mother.
“Ah, Ladies Emma and Elizabeth Hereford. I am pleased to see you again,” She said, smiling warmly as we curtsied. “Welcome to Penshurst.”
Elizabeth is first to speak, “Thank you.”
“Madam,” I add hastily. Elizabeth has forgotten her manners in her excitement.
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Reviews are greatly appreciated. I think I am having trouble with tenses. Also, please let me know if the goodbye scene is too short. Thank you!

I like it so far. I wish you were farther along I'm intrigued at what will happen next.

I loved this part. I like how you added more detail of the surroundings and people. Also, you established your main character well. I think you should describe the other supporting characters a bit more. They could be interesting to learn about. Great job. I can't wait to read more. *Gold Star*

Hey Winter! Thanks for using my review thread, dear. I love Historical Fiction!

Alright, so your grammar is superb! That leaves me with a lot less things to have to correct. I'll go over the smaller things, such as sentence structure and reprases.

“Take care of her.” Was all he said.

Hmm. How about: All he said was, "Take care of her."

Also, in the earlier paragraph you refer to these people simply as Aunt and Uncle. However, your capitalization is inconsistant. If that's the title that Emma gives them, you have to capitalize them all the time. However, if it is used in the possesive form, such as my uncle or my aunt, then you have no need to capitalize, since the noun isn't proper anymore.

Why don't they have names? 'Aunt Sarah' or 'Uncle Frederick' seems more familial than just 'Aunt' or 'Uncle'. Just saying.

I looked sideways at Elizabeth who seemed far less melancholy as I would have thought.

To use 'less', you need to have a comparison, but here you only have Elizabeth. You could rephrase it as either:

I looked sidways at Elizabeth, who seemed far less melancholy than I would have thought.

-or-

I looked sideways at Elizabeth, who was far less melancholy than everyone else, as I had predicted.

The first one suggests that Emma expected Elizabeth to me more sad than she turned out to be, while the second suggests that Emma noticed how much happier Elizabeth was than everyone else in the scene. I'd lean towards the second, just because you've described Elizabeth as a light-hearted and go-with-the-flow kind of person so far. Ya?

“Does the estate please you, Lady Hereford?” He inquired.

Lowercase 'he'. Check this out.

Language

You have included some older langauge to fit the times, but it could use more. The contractions specifically. One simple way to make a piece seem instantly older is just to spell out contractions such as 'They're' as 'They are'. It just adds that formal air.

Emotion

More! More, I tell thee, we need more! You have a nice little plot going here, and I'm interested in where it's going, mainly because right now there seems to be absolutely no conflict. But! We can't appreciate your plotline if we can't connect with your characters. Now, this doesn't mean you have to go right out and insert thoughts of your characters, as some people think they have to do. Just give us some reactions. How is Emma feeling? I can tell that she's okay with marrying Robert, but really, how does she feel about him? You can have her wondering whether it truly is love. Or, have her remembering why she is so fond of him. Is it simply that he is handsome and polite? Or does she love the way his eyes sparkle, the way he walks, the gentle cadences of his voice?

Tenses

Only the very last line was tense-confused, actually! It should remain in past the entire time. So, just change that 'add' to 'added' and that 'has' to a 'had'.

Interest level

I am interested in this so far. However, I do think that you need to add some good, juicy conflict REALLY SOON. Pardon the caps; they're just for dramatic effect. A story is only interesting if things are going wrong. And you've chosen a topic with so many options for catastrophe! So, throw in some of the good stuff in order to keep us entertained.

Characters

How are they? Really, not just their names or their appearances, but who are they as people? Is Elizabeth like a butterfly, happy and carefree but easily crushed? Is Robert the knight in shining armor who is obviously hiding something behind his mask? Isn't Emma curious why her uncle and aunt are so passive and emotionless at the goodbye? Is Emma confused at all herself? Does she think herlsef brave enough to face this? Or is she afraid of letting Robert down?

Good job so far, dear. I hope this was helpful, and make sure to post in my thread again if you'd like me to look at the later installments!

~Evi

Great piece of writing...only mistake was : "Elizabeth is first to speak, “Thank you.” ". This sentence must be rephrased: "Elizabeth was the first to speak". Otherwise, this is a flawless story so far. Well done