To Society:

Now this is quite depressing. I'm not usually into this kind of poetry, but this one certainly caught my eye.

I think that the rhythm and rhyming throughout is good. I would change just a few things. For example, there should be a semicolon after 'meat' in the first stanza.

The second line in the third stanza should end with a full-stop. It's not grammatically correct to use a comma here as the next line talks about something completely different.

Finally, I have one more piece of advice. You don't have to use a full-stop or a comma at the end of every line. It was traditional to do that in the old days, but modern poetry shows that using a comma at the end of every line can be off-putting. It just disturbs the flow and it is even grammatically incorrect at times. For example

For I can't change the way I am,

And I'm not going to pretend.

there shouldn't be a comma after 'am'. When you use 'and' in a sentence you don't have to separate it with a comma, unless it's a list. For similar reasons you also don't have to capitalise every first word of every line.

I hope this helps. Overall, this was an enjoyable read.

Nathan.

Thanks Nathan. I guess I follow the writing rules too much.

I love the way you have written this. It really makes you think, well it definitely made me think!
I understand this poem because my cousin is gay and ever since he 'came out' he's been made fun of and laughed at. It's made him feel really low sometimes. Your poem really shows the importance of acceptance. Well done!