To Society:

Hello everybody. This is for Gadi's Gay Contest. I usually don't enter contests or post anything on YWS because of my profound laziness, but this particular contest compelled me to create a piece of poetry that adequately expressed my views. Basically, this poem is from a gay person's perspective and it's about what gay people have to go through every day. This was actually inspired by a teacher who confessed to me that he was gay. It was ironic, though, 'cause he turned out to be one of the nicest people I've ever met. So I hope you guys all enjoy this poem as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Hate me, kill me, hurt me, destroy me,
Treat me worse than some fatal disease.
I'm nothing to you all except a piece of useless meat,
Doesn't matter how I feel, doesn't matter what I think.

Go ahead and quarantine me,
It's not like I have feelings.
Is this the price I'm supposed to pay,
'cause God chose to create me gay?

I can't help what I am,
and I can't help what I feel,
If my love is a sin then I'll be damned,
'til all eternity is still.

For I can't change the way I am,
And I'm not going to pretend.
Hate me, kill me, hurt me, destroy me,
I don't give a damn.

I thought this was a wonderful poem. I had a friend who is bi, so I understand this. Great poem, and no grammar errors that I found, which makes me happy. Good poem, I hope you do well in the contest!

Bye!
Music.

I think this poem is great. It expresses what it is like for gay people very well, if a bit dramatically. The rhyme scheme is simple, but good. I do have two small critiques though.

1. "Treat me worse than some fatal disease," Put a period instead of a comma at the end of this sentence.
2. "Nothing to you all except a piece of useless meat, " Change this to "I'm nothing to you all...." It flows better, and breaks the stanza up a little better.

Nicely done! Good luck in the contest, too!

Thanks so much musiclover and chipsnadguacamollie. I really appreciate your comments and reviews.

okay well im here to be the drenching rain on your little parade, im sorry to say. well sort of. i mean im not going to get all into my beliefs and everything, becuase this website is for writing and not debating. and i do have a few good things to say about this poem. i think ill start with those first:

so as a POEM in and of itself this was written wonderfully. it was simple and down to earth, and even had a moment of sad sarcasm. ("It's not like I have feelings"), which i liked. all bias aside, i agree with chipsandguacamollie that the feelings it expresses seem a tad dramatic, but that doesnt take away from the poem at all.

okay i lied, im just going to go into my beliefs a little bit, because if people who agree with the ideas expressed in this poem can say so, then people who don't agree have just as much of a right to say so. im not trying to be difficult, but i think its important to at least give the other side. i once heard in a documentary to "beware the sound of one hand clapping", which means there is never just one side to an argument, and you always should hear both.


"Is this the price I'm supposed to pay,

'cause God chose to create me gay?



I can't help what I am,

and I can't help what I feel,

If my love is a sin then I'll be damned,

'til all eternity is still."


this particular part of the poem bothered me. here's a little food for thought: pedaphiles are born with a natural inclination towards children, but nobody is fighting for THEIR rights. one could say God MADE them that way. serial killers are often born with that natural inclination to kill people. one could say God MADE them that way. but in each case we know its wrong, and they just have to deny their natural desires. this is NOT saying that gay people are in any way "bad" like pedaphiles and serial killers. i myself have met some very sweet, awesome people who happen to be gay. im simply saying that "thats the way God made me, i can't help myself" is a poor argument.

please don't everybody freak out on me because i have a different view of the world than many of you probably do. as i said, if you can write a poem defending gay people then i am free to right a review NOT defending them.

Poetry wise, I agree with everyone else, this flows, has humour, etc...
Unfortunately, I do believe, like lilchoma that to defend the gay cause you have to take it from their point of view. I feel that since this poem is an act of defiance (basing myself on the last verse!), your loquitor shouldn't have to justify their affections. In fact, I believe you'll find that sexual orientation is not about who you are unless you believe that people are defined by their tastes, which quite often are imposed on them rather than their actions that they subjectively choose. In that respect it would be more interesting not to pose things as arguments but to reinforce the defiance, for example attacking the hypocrisy of the anti-gay world? And I have to say I'm rather shocked that you sound surprised that your teacher was a nice person!!!

Great poem. I don't think it was over dramatizied at all, where I live, there some place's where I'm attacked just as bad because i support gay rights. On to the actual poem-

Hate me, kill me, hurt me, destroy me,
Treat me worse than some fatal disease.
I'm nothing to you all except a piece of useless meat,
Doesn't matter how I feel, doesn't matter what I think.

Fine as I can tell- it's functional, but it doesn't pop out. The one thing I do like is the fact that you didn't tell why in this stanza, making me want to read farther in to the poem. If you reworked it and revealed why to the very end, it would be very good.

Go ahead and quarantine me,
It's not like I have feelings.
Is this the price I'm supposed to pay,
'cause God chose to create me gay?

Hmm.. the problem I have with this is the fact that you suddenly rhyme, and then stop in some other stanza's. I would fix up the rhyme scheme a bit.

I can't help what I am,
and I can't help what I feel,
If my love is a sin then I'll be damned,
'til all eternity is still.

Once again, no rhyme. You'll have to change the poem one way, commit to free verse, or make a rhyme scheme.

For I can't change the way I am,
And I'm not going to pretend.
Hate me, kill me, hurt me, destroy me,
I don't give a damn.

Ahh!! I just noticed something! You rhymed every 2nd stanza.. Well, I don't know if that's intentional or not, but it works. I would still recommend committing to free verse or full rhyme, but this is a novel technique.

Well- overall the message is good, and the poem was average.

83%

Thanks for your opinion, lilchoma, velvetwhispers, and lukas8u.

Lilchoma-I've never thought about pedophiles or serial killers that way. I don't think serial killers are born with an inclination to kill people though. They just do it for revenge or some other reason. But maybe I should write a poem defending the rights of pedophiles.... jk. Thanks for your opinion.

velvetwhispers-Thanks for your opinion too. I'll try to think of some stanzas to back up the defiance part.

lukas8u-I've never really gave much thought to the rhyming structure. Now that you've brought it to my attention, I guess it is a bit broken and needs to be fixed. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

I really enjoyed this poem! It had a simple base, and rhymne scheme, and although it was a tad bit overdramatic I really enjoyed this bit.

And I do disagree with the people above.

There is a difference in being gay and being a pedaphile or serial killer. A pedaphile targets children who dont know what love is. That is onesided. Yes they are attracted to children, and yes apparently 'God made them that way' (sorry Athesist) but honestly, they shouldn't be able to be targeting someone who does not understand what love is yet. It is sick and disgusting. There isnt love there if there isnt a level of understanding.

Same with serial killers. They KILL. What has being gay down to harm anyone? Nothing. Serial killers kill people. Simple as that. It's twisted and wrong.

Someone who is gay, does nothing to hurt another human being. In fact, they just want to find love, and someone else who is gay may love them back. I dont see why people find that so offensive or wrong. Even in Catholic religion which is the one that has some of the biggest rules towards how love is supposed to be, it is not against homosexuals. Not at all in fact. The thing it is against though is homosexual sex and that is all. You want to know why? Because sex, in the catholic religion is believed to have three components. Missing one and you do not do so. Theres pleasure, love, and reproduction. There is no reproduction in homosexual sex. That is all.

Unlike christian beliefs saying 'you shall no kill' which blatantly says, serial killers cant kill. And pedaphiles? No one is backing them up because they are hurting innocent children.

Sorry for going all 'belief's' on you. I just get a little annoyed. I guess I just take it personally.

And this poem was truly one I enjoyed because of the fact that it was, in itself, a good poem about what it's like to be homosexual, even if it is dramatic.

Ciao
-The.Dreamwalker

"Unlike christian beliefs saying 'you shall no kill' which blatantly says, serial killers cant kill. And pedaphiles? No one is backing them up because they are hurting innocent children."

okay so let me get this straight. you agree with the christian belief that people shouldnt kill right? thats pretty obvious. well thats spelled out in the bible. it just so happens that its also spelled out in the bible that homosexual relationships are wrong. now i know most people don't follow the bible like i do, so dont get all mad at me.

and secondly (look i know i shouldnt be arguing cause this has nothing to do with the poem itself, but i cant just leave posts like that here and not have a comeback of some sort cause thats just the way i roll) and secondly, so let me get this straight too: so basically the way you tell right from wrong is if its hurting another person? i mean i can see where you're coming from there but when you base the difference between right and wrong on that kind of condition, it isnt foolproof anymore. like abortion for example is OBVIOUSLY hurting someone. its called the baby. its freaking taking away its life for goodness sake. so how come abortion is advocated for all over the place? it hurts people but its often not thought of as wrong. thats because saying "wrong depends on wether someone gets hurt" isnt foolproof. its not unequivocal, it has room for argument.

anyways sorry that was me ranting on and on.

Thanks for your opinion, thedreamwalker and lilchoma. I must say, though, that I agree with thedreamwalker. I get what you're saying, lilchoma about the abortion and all that, but I don't really see what's so wrong about being gay. I've read the bible back to back before and I didn't find one thing in there that said something about homosexual relationships being wrong. And if the bible mentions it, I don't get why God wouldn't approve of it. And of course, this is all just my opinion.

hey music,
thanks for being so cool about me spitting my beliefs out at everyone, im glad you're able to take it easily, even if you disagree.

okay so more specifically, the bible condemns homosexuals sleeping together, thats what it says SPECIFICALLY. for example here are some verses:


"We know that the law is good, provided that one uses it as law, with the understanding that law is meant not for a righteous person but for the lawless and the unruly, the godless and the sinful, the unholy and profane, those who kill their fathers or mothers, murders, the unchaste, homosexuals, kidnapers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is opposed to sound teaching," (1 Tim 1:8-10)

"You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination"(Lev. 18:22)

"If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives." (Lev 20:13)



okay so then people will be like "well it doesnt say anything about just being homosexual is bad, right?" and no, i havent actually found verses that say that. but its pretty clearly spelled out in Genesis chapter 2 that Man was made to be with a Woman, and not with another man. and in the same way a woman is meant to be with a man, and not another woman. and that's that. of course, i realize that not everyone takes the bible as their authority on every issue (in fact it seems few people do). however, i do, and i believe its just about the only ultimate authority for issues like this, which are so often debated back and forth.

okay well i apologize PROFUSELY for using your poem as the site for my doctrinal argument-like-discussions. these are issues that need to be debated and i can't really abide with not having the last word, or at least close to it, so when people make a point i sort of need to come back with a point of my own.

i liked it, i have never read sarcasm in a poem before!

Thanks imapoemperson. And lilchoma, thanks for giving me some examples. I guess that's just proof of what a bad Christian I used to be. I say that because, even though I still believe that a God does exist, I'm not going to abide by the bible anymore.

ok, im not going to get into my religion either. cuz then i would be sitting here arguing about it for teh rest of eternity and a day.
but let me say this <and it has nothing to do with religion, just choice>, no one can make you gay. that was youre choice. you may be surrounded by gay people, raised as a gay person, but you have the right as a human being to say no. if that was how youre raised, then i guess its a little harder, but we all have to make decisions. if you feel as if its wrong, then say so. but dont go saying that someone made you gay, because its not true.

this was a very good poem overall. i love the "meat" metaphor <simily?, cant remember>