Young Writers Society


Connections Part 1

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Hey guys! Its me again. Here's the next part of the story (last two parts where Judd and Scott, this one is Susanne, the mother.) I'm not sure if this is my best peice of writing though... :oops:

3. Susanne

Dr. Grounder?

Hi, you might not remember me, I’m Susanne Germaine. From the family reunion?

Yes, yes, Robert’s cousin.

The reunion was a swell experience, wasn’t it. Meeting all the folks –

Judd? Ha, my baby is nearly twelve years old, Dr. Grounder.

Phillip? Ok, I’ll remember that. My babies are actually the reason why I’m calling you this evening.

Yes, babies. There are two. Or at least there were two.

Pause.

I need your help, Dr. Grounder—I mean Phillip.

She’s run away.

Yes, my baby. My child. She came into the family a few years after the reunion. I guess you didn’t hear about it.

Ha, no. She was adopted.

Yes, from Korea.

Pause.

Well it all started when. Well, I don’t know when it all started.

Don’t you think I’m trying?

I’m sorry for losing my temper. I’ve had a long day. [Muttering]

Oh, nothing. Just talking to myself.

Not in the crazy way I mean. I’m just a little depressed, you know?

Yes, that’s why I’m talking to you. I’m depressed and I need help. That-

At least you’re a physician. You have an education unlike me. Can’t you see I’m desperate?

You are too qualified! Look, I have no idea where my little girl is. I want her back. But as the days go on…

Just because I just admitted I don’t have a high school diploma doesn’t mean I don’t know when to call the police. I called the police immediately after I noticed she was gone.

A few days ago.

Pause.

Or a week.

I do to know! What am I doing talking to you anyway?

Where am I? Where am I? Who knows! I might be rotting in hell, I may be—

I know I need help. I’m somewhere. I’m not sure.

He’s at home. Just came back from the beach.

At home with Scott. Poor thang, has to hear his mother going crazy.

Pause.

Pause.

Phillip?

Pause.

Dr. Grounder?

Susanne woke up with a jolt. She could hear her own sweat laughing at her for being so scared over a silly dream. Susanne turned over on her side only to see that there was no one there.
Her body suddenly felt cold, deprived of the warmth from her husband. She was alone. She squinted to see the clock. It was either 8:45 or 5:15. She guessed the latter. A yawn crept out of her throat and squeezed its way to her mouth.
I better get up anyway, she thought.
Susanne made her way down the stairs quite slowly, dodging the invisible Barbie dolls and crayons.
She smiled at the non-existent hand drawn picture on the refrigerator, while pulling out a carton of 2% milk. The box of cocoa mix was empty but Susanne grabbed a packet anyway and poured it in a tall mug. The cold white milk gracefully poured out over the counter, missing the mug entirely.
As she put the mug in the microwave, she heard her daughter scream.
The mug dropped to the floor with a crash and transformed itself into a million pieces of glass. Susanne bent down to pick the mug back up and pricked her finger. Blood oozed out. Cherry red blood—the color of Lucy’s cheeks.
Susanne touched her finger to her lips and gave it a kiss.
Give hugs not bombs or whatever that saying says




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Dr. Grounder?

Hi, you might not remember me, I’m Susanne Germaine. From the family reunion?

Yes, yes, Robert’s cousin.

The reunion was a swell experience, wasn’t it? Meeting all the folks –

Judd? Ha, my baby is nearly twelve years old, Dr. Grounder.

Phillip? Okay, I’ll remember that. My babies are actually the reason why I’m calling you this evening.

Yes, babies. There are two. Or at least there were two.


Pause.

I need your help, Dr. Grounder—I mean Phillip.

She’s run away.

Yes, my baby. My child. She came into the family a few years after the reunion. I guess you didn’t hear about it.

Ha, no. She was adopted.

Yes, from Korea.


Pause.

Well, it all started when. Well, I don’t know when it all started.

Don’t you think I’m trying?

I’m sorry for losing my temper. I’ve had a long day. [Muttering]

Oh, nothing. Just talking to myself.

Not in the crazy way, I mean. I’m just a little depressed, you know?

Yes, that’s why I’m talking to you. I’m depressed and I need help. That-

At least you’re a physician. You have an education, unlike me. Can’t you see I’m desperate?

You are too qualified! Look, I have no idea where my little girl is. I want her back. But as the days go on…

Just because I just admitted I don’t have a high school diploma doesn’t mean I don’t know when to call the police. I called the police immediately after I noticed she was gone.

A few days ago.


Pause.

Or a week.

I do too know! What am I doing, talking to you, anyway?

Where am I? Where am I? Who knows! I might be rotting in hell, I may be—

I know I need help. I’m somewhere. I’m not sure.

He’s at home. Just came back from the beach.

At home with Scott. Poor thing, has to hear his mother going crazy.


Pause.

Phillip?

Pause.

Dr. Grounder?

Susanne turned over on her side, only to see that there was no one there.

I better get up anyway, she thought.

She smiled at the non-existent hand-drawn picture on the refrigerator while pulling out a carton of 2% milk. The box of cocoa mix was empty, but Susanne grabbed a packet, anyway, and poured it in a tall mug. The cold, white milk gracefully poured out over the counter, missing the mug entirely.


I tried putting the dream part into quotations. If it doesn't look better, ignore it. :)

Good job! I liked it. I think that you could feel the insanity kind of pouring in on Susanne. I loved the last line. Nicely done!

Look forward to seeing more! Bye!
Click-ity click! Reviews here. :)
The Completely Evil Plan.

"You treat me badly; I love you madly."
Formerly known as music_lover_7311.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 80
Wow, I was certainly impressed with this. It's gritty and harrowing, without being too complex or wordy. It is also very dark and mature compared with what I often see here. So well done on that. I would suggest putting either person's lines in italics, so it's clearer who's speaking.

This was great-I'll definitely be interested to see what happens next!



we are all mariah carey
— Kay (NovemberCrow)