Accidentally Famous Ch. 1.2

delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete

Hey, I'm back =]

Aww I'm so glad Cassie got in, Cecelia deserves the competition - it's annoying how some people just seem to get everything in life.

Nit-piks;

There popping up all over the U.S. - 'There' should be 'They're'

That and the fact that her father is one of the best lawyers around is why she is so rich and, like her parents, loves to let people know this. - I understand what you're trying to get across in this sentence but it just seems awkward. maybe try re-wording it.

They don’t even ask me about it. They just come up and start hugging and congratulating me. - I don't know if these sentences are right. I'm not sure if 'don't' should be 'didn't' and 'come' should be 'came.' Like I said I'm not completely sure so you might have to check with someone else

I sulked to my chair at the dinner table as I said “There was no letter.” - I don't know whether 'to' would sound better as 'in' or whether you change it to, 'I sulked on the way to my chair at the dinner table...'

The expression on my parents’ faces instantly changed from cheerful to embarrassed and apologetic. - Instead of saying that her parents were cheerful or embarrassed, you could write how they looked, e.g. did her dad raise his eyebrows?

I tolled her - 'tolled' should be 'told'

“So, you really didn’t get in?”
“Nope.”
“I’m sorry, I was so sure you would. I’m so gonna get Cecilia next school year.”
“Good luck with that. She probably will be discovers on Hollywood Boulevard or something. She always gets what she wants.”
“Or she’ll have daddy get it for her”
“Like she’ll need him. The skinny blond always gets everything, no matter how dumb, or how little money.”
“Okay, first of all Cecilia is no Elle Woods. Second Sam may have gotten her prince, but the mean girl, who was also blond, didn’t. And she was skinnier than Hilary Duff. Third off this isn’t the movies. This is real life. And hoe dare you compare Cecilia to two of our countries biggest talents. Reese and Hilary should feel insulted.
“Sorry. I’m just upset that Cecilia got to go and I didn’t”
“You know I would bring you with if I could, right.”
“Yea, but I’m not sure that spending an entire month playing soccer is really my thing.’ - You don't explain how any of these things are said so the conversation seems kind of emotionless. Maybe add in some directions, e.g. I laughed, she pleaded...

$6,000 - I think this would read better written as 'six thousand dollars.'

“Of course. Since I gat a scholarship for camp, my family will have a little extra money laying around. We can go just about anywhere, as long as it cost no more than $6,000, because that is how much we had saved for camp.”

“Honey, are you sure you’re okay with not getting into the program?” My mom asks as she sits down on my desk chair. - the transistion between these two sentences is too sharp. Maybe write how Cassie feels about the idea of going away with Jhonee or end the phone conversation more clearly.

“Were not sure yet. - 'Were' should be 'We're'

shinny - should be shiny

Inside was a cell phone. A really nice phone. Nothing really expensive like a blackberry, but I was just happy to have a cell phone of my own. - Inside was a cell phone. It was really nice, nothing really expensive like a blackberry, but I was just happy to have a cell phone of my own.

you’re senior year anyway - 'you're' should be 'your'

to so with California?” - 'so' should be 'do'

“So… A lot - the 'A' should be lowercase

weather or not - 'weather' should be 'whether'

manual.” - no need for the speech marks

you’re Cinderella - 'you're' should be 'your'

Overall;
As I've already pointed out above, sometimes you use a tense that I'm not sure fits, (I might be wrong so I'd ask someone else) Your conversations seem to be a bit flat and you don't show emotion when people speak. In some places it seems a bit rushed so make sure that you take your time when moving from scene to scene as you don't want to put the reader off by not explaining things in enough detail. I'd like to know more about Cassie too as at the moment she seems 2D as we don't really know anything about her. Maybe try adding in some more information on her likes, dislikes, hobbies etc

I do like the concept of the story though and I'm looking forward to reading the next part!

xDudettex

I've just read both parts of this chapter, and I'm loving it!

Apart from the grammar problems, which xDudettex (Hi! ) pointed out already, everything is fine.