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Hi! Nice to meet you! Here's my comments, (some editing is in bold)

The moon is shimmering
The only light in the darkness
Pain surrounds the Earth
Sand washes up on the beaches
Every grain is someone's lament
What has the world come to
I wish my eyes saw not but black
Thinking of Yesterday
The time of chocolate and fun
When you jumped in leaves
But no, the rain falls, that's all
It feels like acid on your skin
Your fingers and toes hurt
Because it's cold, always cold
The ants are nowhere to be seen (?)
The pain in my heart slowly crushes my soul
My mind bursting with thoughts of sadness
The salt in my tears fall (?)
I wait for someone to save me, save us all
I can't help but wonder,
what has this world come to?

Okay, so some was spelling errors. Some of the lines I just didn't think was plausible. Such as the "salt in my tears fall," this doesn't really work. Do you get me?

Okay, so onto this poem.

What I thought~
Interesting. It does hold the potential of being quite meaningful but right now, it really doesn't make an impact. Overall though, it seems interesting. But I think that it just lacks meaning. It does thoroughly explain what the person is feeling, but it makes awkward metaphors. It also needs grace. Expand your word choice some. The ants are nowhere to be seen leaves me wondering why exactly you care about the ants.

Overall, this poem just lacked the effect it was supposed to have.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody

Hello.

First, I must say that the lines were rather messy. It was jumping from one idea to the next but you said you had to use a list of words so I get it. However, I don't think it does anything bad to the poem. It adds to it, honestly. It gives the world a disorganized feel. It just adds to the imagery. Brilliant how words fall into place like that, aye?

Anyway, you were TEN when you wrote this. Oh my. I could not have written anything this serious when I was ten. I wrote about the wind and the sea before. It was all wholesome nature stuff for me. I could not have written so eloquently about the disfigured world. *applauds*

keep writing..

--Knightly

Well, I have to say that this was lacking a bit in the impact department, as Forever mentioned. It needs a bit more hook at the beginning, but anyway... I guess I'll go for a line by line, or almost. But first, a note: You're lacking punctuation. This is a good article about punctuation.

The moon is shimmering

The only light in the darkness

Pain surrounds the Earth This line does have invoke beautiful images (in my mind at least), but it doesn't really add much to the poem. It is a sort of filler line to me, not really doing anything but being there.

Sand washes up on the beaches

Every grain is someone's sadness I like these two lines. It really is a nice metaphor to use.

What has the world come to?

I wish my eyes saw not but black Um, just a little confusing. Maybe you mean naught but black? Or not black? I'm not sure on this one.

Thinking of Yesterday

The time of chocolate and fun

When you jumped in leaves

But no, the rain falls, that's all

It feels like acid on your skin

Your fingers and toes hurt

Because it's cold, always cold

The ants are nowhere to be seen This line is kind of random, I'm afraid. What purpose does it have? If a line doesn't add to the overall theme or message, then cut it out. If it contributes nothing, then it is useless.

The pain from my heart slowly crushes my soul

My mind bursting with thoughts of sadness You use the word sadness quite a bit in this poem. The repetition can get quite annoying, so I'd recommend that you replace it with something else. Sorrow, desolation, melancholy, all these are other words.

The salt in my tears fall As Forever said, it is quite a bit strange. The word choice is awkward.

I wait for someone to save me, save us all The transition from line to line is abrupt, but here, it seems to stand out a lot more. I think that it is better to have a transitional word here, such as 'but' or the like.

I can't help but wonder,

What has this world come to?

Well, good poem, especially when you were ten. When I was ten, I was um... not really into poetry. I was pretty much on a hiatus for my whole year of ten. But I do remember that I was just a little kid making up limericks and stuff like that. I applaud you. *applause*

Well, you need to work on punctuation, and word choice. Your topic is good, but you need to make it stronger, which you can accomplish through better word choice. Also, there is an issue of flow. Not the type of flow in metered poetry, but the fact that your transitions are awkward. In the words of my teacher, 'blocky'. You have to make the transition of ideas seem lucid, flowing. Transitions like 'so', 'but', 'hereafter' and more generally work.

Well, that's all for now. I hope to see more of your work around soon, but I have to leave now. Feel free to PM me if something is unclear. See ya around Summer!