I Can't Quit Moving

Tourette's Syndrome is a neurological disorder characterized by abnormally large amounts of dopamine in the brain (not that doctors can tell if that's there without opening you up) but what they can see are the tics it presents. Tics are involuntary actions, and come in two types: Motor, where you do something with your body like kick, twirl your hair, blink, nod, grimace, etc (they can be just about any movement) And Vocal: ones that make noise, like grunting, coughing, whistling, humming, sniffing, saying a word or phrase, and the widely known tic, coprolalia, or involuntary cursing, which is a rare tic, but one that I am unfortunate enough to have.
Medications are used to manage tics, and often counseling is necessary to help individuals through the rough social impacts and the impact it can have on self esteem. The thing is, some of the medications are so powerful, they can actually make you sick, and there is also therapy, but it rarely fixes all the tics. There is also an experimental treatment of brain surgery...
So next time you meet someone who is twitching a lot or saying things over and over, don't be so quick to judge.

Now, for the poem.
.....
I can't quit!
I want to scream it to the world.
Everyone's looks say "quit it"

It was a mistake to try to shop.
My legs are moving, my hands are moving--
I truly wish I could just stop!

But I can't.
I can't quit moving,
And it makes me chant.

I have to scream,
Have to roar, have to shout.
Strangers' eyes seem to hold an angry gleam.

Nobody seems to understand-
I can't quit. Can't help it.
It even controls my hands.

They hit me, punch me.
I cry out in pain.
Even my parents just let me be.

It won't leave, won't quit.
I thrash around in anger and in pain.
Afterwards, it's all I can do to just sit.

I've tried Fluphenazine,
Risperdal, Klonipin, plus many more.
And had reactions that were quite mean.

Pills did nothing,
Relaxation works, but you can't do it all the time.
I hear paperwork shuffling.

Now we're gonna try therapy.
After that is brain surgery.
If therapy works, I will be so happy.

But if not,
An undetermined road lies ahead.
Filled with procedures that cost a lot.

I don't want to have my head cut open.
But at the same time, tics like this are hell.
If it gets that bad, I won't be jokin'.
........
Bad Poem? Good Poem? Something in between? Feedback is quite welcome, as well as advice on rhyming, which I am not so good at. Yes, I have Tourette's if you've been wondering. This poem is 100% nonfiction.

Cheers!
--Voxina

Hiya Vox!

But if not,
An undetermined road lies ahead.
Filled with procedures that cost a lot.

This stanza doesn't really fit with the others in terms of line-length. The first line is rather short, but the other two are about the same length as the others. If it's possible to add more into the first line, things would be better.

But at the same time, tics like this are hell.

I have a hard time understanding this line. What are the tics?

~~

Rhymes: I'll admit, they are forced in some places. "Shop/stop" in particular doesn't feel right. The first line could probably stand to be expanded, but there isn't really any room to do that. That stanza has some meaning, but with that rhyme it's not really fitting.

Overall: A nice depiction of your emotions is in this poem. It's pretty obvious how you feel here. Something I'd play around with is free-verse, however. Then you're not limited to rhyming schemes and stanzas and would have room for a bit more emotion.

Nice work! Questions can be answered in a PM, if yo have them.

~Rosey

Liking the theme here. The preface to the poem really does help with the poem itself. I suppose I read it reader-responsively considering my sister once suffered with a severe case of Tourette's so I understand and respect your motives.

Reading this, I feel that it is intentionally arranged to follow no specific pattern or order. You are on the journey to writing in an unstructured format, which is a great way to write, but I feel as if this needs a little work.

As a suggestion, I would take out some of the phrases that sound like you're going for a clean-cut narrative. Because the poem is slightly unstructured, it's best to not linger on the concept, but to embrace it as much as you can. In other words, it would be interesting to see this poem as juxtaposed thoughts instead of telling a story. Here's an example:

Instead of:

"I've tried Fluphenazine,
Risperdal, Klonipin, plus many more.
And had reactions that were quite mean.

Pills did nothing,
Relaxation works, but you can't do it all the time.
I hear paperwork shuffling."

Go for something like this:

"Fluphenazine,
Risperdal, Klonipin, and many more.
The reactions, quite mean.

Pills did nothing,
Relaxation works, but can't do it all the time.

Paperwork shuffling."

I know it feels a bit postmodern, but it's a way that you can edit this to make it sound original without changing too much.

This is all just a suggestion. Overall, best of luck with your Tourette's...I've seen it's effects firsthand. Here's my sister's website, you should check it out: http://www.teenswts.net/home.html

Alright, I'm back to say that I like the beginning of this much better now, and things are easier to understand. You've given us the information we need to get all the lines here.

~Rosey