Phoenix Saga Chapter 5 Ghost Boy

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Demetre hovered over his body. It was a little weird to see his body so cold and dead. Mandy was still crying Demetre tried his best to ignore it because each sob was like a knife to his heart. Sean was calm about the whole situation. Demetre could have sworn that Sean was watching him from the corner of his eye and whenever he looked over at Sean he would quickly look away.
“Does he have any family we can contact?” the paramedic asked.
“His Aunt is his guardian.” Ms. Stevens said.
“I have her number. I’ll tell her.” Sean took out his cell phone and quickly whispered into the phone. “She’ll be there as soon as she can,” he closed his phone with a flick of his wrist.
They pulled into the hospital and Demetre followed his body as they carted it to the autopsy room.
“Mandy, are you ok?”Sean asked.
Demetre turned to see Sean comforting Mandy. She had stopped crying but her eyes were puffy and her face red. Demetre had always suspected that Sean liked Mandy but he never really thought he would act on it. When he had lived with his mom and dad he had been force fed psychology so he had gotten really good at reading people. Ironically enough he was an expert at relationships, even though he never had a girlfriend. He could read other peoples feelings for others perfectly. Looking now it was obvious that the paramedic that had declared him dead had a crush on the receptionist at the front desk. His problem was he could never tell when someone liked him. He probably could, but he always second guessed himself and never acted on his hunches. Like the idea that Mandy might like him. Seeing her so hurt made him realize he had been right about it.
“Our friend just died and you don’t care at all,” Mandy pulled from Sean’s embrace leaving his arms around open air.
“I’m sad really am,” Sean’s voice didn’t sound remorseful at all.
She slapped him hard across the face. “Go to hell you jack a**.”
“What’s you’re problem?” he asked rubbing his now red cheek.
Demetre felt sorry for Sean. He knew all too well how strong and painful one of her slaps could be.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact that five seconds after your supposed friend dies you start hitting on the girl that liked him. His body isn’t even cold yet you jerk” She slapped him again.
“I wasn’t hitting on you! I was just…” he looked up straight at Demetre scowling.
Mandy stalked off crying disappearing behind a corner down the hall. Sean watched her then scowled back at where Demetre was.
He had no clue how but Demetre was sure that Sean could see him. He waved his hand in front of Sean’s face, and jumped when Sean talked.
“Demetre follow me,” Sean said.
Demetre suspected Sean could see him but he didn’t really believe it, Sean began to walk and Demetre floated behind. A few doctors and nurses gave Sean dirty looks as bumped into them. They came to a closed door, Sean pulled out a key card, inserted it, and the door slid open. Without hesitating, they entered.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this Sean pulled a black leather glove from his pocket and put it on. Demetre realized they were where they kept the deceased laying on a slab covered only by a thin white blanket was his body. A tag was attached to his toe indicating his identity.
Sean’s gloved hand snaked upwards grabbing Demetre’s astral form by the leg. Pulling him down and pushing him into his body in one. Now in his body he shot up nearly knocking over Sean.
It kind of felt odd to breathe now after needing to. His entire body tingled. The same feeling that usually came with a body part falling asleep.
Sean shoved a stack of clothes into Demetre’s arms.
“Here are you’re cloths. Get dressed and meet me in the lobby, and try not to be seen.”
This is one little planet in one tiny solar system in a galaxy that’s barely out of its diapers. I’m old, Dean. Very old. So I invite you to contemplate how insignificant I find you.

Death~




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fianlly, i have been waiting for this.

Very good. I would comment on grammar but well i am the opposite of expert on that. It gave me a breath of mystery, with a mix of deja vu. I like the whole power thing and how you introduce them as knowing how to use them in a way. must discover them and then have no control. Or at least the ones i have read. This lets you skip the whole intro learn more learn more learn more (on the powers.) and get to more of the plot.




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Yay!
Chapter 5 is out. It was good but kinda short. Are you still going the two chapter per person thing? I'm guessing that the person Sean called was the lady at the house right? With Ethan? Can't wait to read the next chapter. I suppose I'll do the nitpicks then. :D

Mandy was still crying Demetre

Comma between crying and Demetre.

“His Aunt is his guardian.” Ms. Stevens said.

Uncapitalize the A in aunt and it's a comma not a period.

“She’ll be there as soon as she can,”

Period not comma.

“Our friend just died and you don’t care at all,”

Period not comma.

“I’m sad really am,”

"I'm sad, really I am."

“I can’t believe I’m doing this

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

snaked upwards grabbing Demetre’s

upward, grabbing

leg. Pulling him

Comma not period. Uncapitalize P in pulling

It kind of felt odd to breathe now after needing to.

Kinda confusing. I think you meant after not needing to?

you’re cloths.

Your clothes.

That is it i found. Good job. Love the story so far. PM when you post more.
-Storm



I always knew that deep down in every human heart, there is mercy and generosity. No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.
— Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom