Accidentaly Famous Ch1.1

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Please suffer through my excuse for a review, I was certainly not born for these things but here goes.

Overall I thought the narrative moved forward well, the only hiccup was when she was doing herself up. Maybe I was just assuming or something but I felt like about five minutes had passed and then you're saying a whole CD has played. I guess the whole CD thing could be your way of illustrating the time it just seemed jump-ee-ish.

A great job with the other two characters. Through description and dioluge they seemed really well developed which brings me to my main gripe. I felt like, and once again maybe it's just me, the main character was whoafully underdeveloped. Try to create a more 3 dimensional character, while not interupting the flow of the narative to badly.

Most of all it held my attention and I enjoyed it and in the end thats the point so keep it up.

I thought that it was really good, I did notice that there was a few typos here and there, but honestly not that many. You gave good descriptions of the characters. And it was pretty much the most perfect length the way it is right now, but part two, I will be waiting for.
Although, the going through the whole CD thing kinda bugged me, becuase it really didn't seem like it would have been that long of time, but I dunno, maybe Cassie just takes a really really long time to et ready, but then again, maybe I do too.

Hey again =]

I enjoyed reading this and I really like where it's heading.

Now for my nit-piks;

Instead of turning my alarm of, - 'of' should be 'off'

“Cassandra you’re going to be late if you don’t get down here NOW!!! - You need speech marks after NOW!!! - also, i think it would be better if you don't use capitals for 'now' as we already know that her mom is shouting from the next line.

I must have done something different with my hair of makeup. - 'of' should be 'or'

“Sorry Jojo I can’t play with you right now. I’m running late.” - I'd add something after this sentence as it seems to jump straight to how late she is - maybe how your MC strokes the cat as an apology or how the cat tries to get her attention.

“In a moment everything can change” - I'd put this is italics so the reader knows that it's the song playing and not her or her mom speaking.

beast friend - I think you mean 'best friend.'

I’m spending my entire June - this sounds odd. Maybe change it to - 'I'm spending the whole of June'

And here she comes now – the devil Paris Hilton herself.” - after this sentence, i'd add in a description of Cecilia coming towards them. Is she surrounded by her robots? What's she wearing? What's her expression like? Just so the transition to the next line where Cecilia speaks isn't so sharp.

going. “She The speech marks should be behind the full stop rather than in front of 'She.'

“Oh, did she really? - it should be "Oh, is she really?"

She had also once been a local commercial. - I'd add 'in' before 'a'

senor year - i think you mean senior year.

This is what I’ve tolled myself - i think you mean 'told' instead of 'tolled.'

Overall;
Like i said at the start, i enjoyed reading this and i'm definitely interested in following it. The only thing i would say is that your MC is still a bit 2D. We know what she looks like, but we don't know much about her - her hobbies, interests, dreams etc. Maybe adding in a bit more about her will give her more of a personality and will make her more relatable. Try to be slightly more descriptive too as in some places the story seems a bit rushed.

Hope I've helped and I'm looking forward to the next part of chapter one =]

xDudettex

Interesting so far. I like how the main character narrates and how the two other characters were developed well. I do agree that Cassie is majorly underdeveloped for being the main character.

You had a few typos, nothing a good readthrough and spellcheck can't fix though.

I also really like the last line of this part:

I close my eyes as I get to the last envelope. But when I look down I see our water bill. How anticlimactic.

It's funny, i laughed when i read it. You have an interesting tone when you write, i like it

Keep writing!