'He’s thinking in another language
now, hitch-hiker thumb jerking
toward the city spilled from its grid. '
That was brilliant. The clash of orderliness and spontanaeity...nice, man. Loads of people try to get that effect but can't, so high fives for all.
' I recite
and lift his palm, longitude by latitude.'
Very confusing. Might make sense to someone else...but not me. The longitude and latitude is nice, but the 'I recite' is a bit clichèd, so I'd opt for something a bit more...er...catchier.
'It’s the dying season and I cannot
leave his wound alone.'
What is it with you and genius last lines?!? Help me out!
