Homer. an essay

This is an essay that I had to do for a history fair. please read and review, because I haven't turned it in yet, and I want to make it as good as possible before then!

Homer

In Greek History, one poet made such an impact as to change the very nature of Greek religion. Not very much is known about his childhood. However, he is traditionally said to have written two of the greatest epics in history, which people still talk about today. The result of these great achievements had very wide reaching effects.

Some theories of Homer’s existence is that he was a minstrel, while others believe that he did not exist at all. The facts that are available are few. However, it is known that the Trojan War, talked about in the Iliad, really did happen or something like it. Also, if Homer did exist, experts theorize that he would have lived sometime around 9-6th century B.C. or even later.

Homer’s achievements are considerable, though we do not know all of the things which he wrote. They were lost over time, by age or by other means. He is traditionally called the creator of the two works the Iliad and the Odyssey. The Iliad talks about the Trojan War and the Olympus gods, while the Odyssey talks about the journey of a man named Odysseus and its theme, morality. Both include miracles of the Olympus gods.

The Greeks soon took these two works and made them their religion. The Romans soon adapted this religion and changed it to fit their needs better as well. Both parties changed politics and laws to fits their religious beliefs, and both adapted it to fit their own ends.

Homer’s great achievements are still talked about today. He made a great impacted on history, and his stories have become some of the best known mythology stories around the entire globe. People world-wide acknowledge the greatness of his works, though people question whether it was him who created them.

Hi Claeren!

I shall be your reviewer for today. I apologize for reviewing three days after you posted this essay

I'm just going to edit it all for you! Here I go!

In Greek History, one poet, Homer, made such an impact as to change the very nature of Greek religion. [s]Not very much is known about his childhood. However, he is traditionally said to have written two of the greatest epics in history, which people still talk about today.[/s] Although there is an absence of information about his childhood, he is traditionally rumored to have written two of the greatest epics in the course of history. The result of these great achievements had very wide reaching effects and ... (the sentence seems to short, add something else onto it.)

[s]Some theories of Homer’s existence is that he was a minstrel, while others believe that he did not exist at all.[/s] Many debates have risen about Homer himself; while some theories believe he was a minstrel, others simply do not believe of his existence. The facts that are available, however, are scarce[s]. However, it is known that the Trojan War, talked about in the Iliad, really did happen or something like it.[/s], though apparently in Iliad, the Trojan War had truly occurred in history or something that was similar to it.[s]Also[/s] Furthermore, if Homer actually did exist, experts theorize that he would have lived sometime around the 9-6th century B.C. or perhaps even later.

Homer’s achievements are considerable, though [s]we do not know all of the things which he wrote.[/s]many of his works are yet to be discovered. Perhaps they were lost over time, by age or [s]by [/s]other means. [s]He[/s]Homer is traditionally called the creator of the two works: the Iliad and the Odyssey. The Iliad revolves around the Trojan War and the Olympus gods, while the Odyssey mentions the journey of a man named Odysseus and its theme, morality[s]. B[/s]; both include miracles of the Olympus gods.
[s]
The Greeks soon took these two works and made them their religion.[/s]Soon, the Greeks used these two works to transform them into their religion. The Romans [s]soon[/s]too adapted this religion and changed it to fit their needs better[s] as well[/s]. Both parties changed politics and laws to [s]fits[/s]suit their religious beliefs, and adapted it to fit their own ends.
[s]
Homer’s great achievements are still talked about today. He made a great impacted on history, and his stories have become some of the best known mythology stories around the entire globe. People world-wide acknowledge the greatness of his works, though people question whether it was him who created them. [/s]Homer's great achievements are talked about in many conversations today, thousands of years after the occurrence. His works are acknowledged by the entire globe, and are best known mythological stories. However, whether or not Homer truly ever existed still remains a mystery; one that will never be extinct as centuries past by.

Finished!

Overall, the essay seemed good, however, it did seem a bit short though. Maybe you could add some more information onto it? At the beginning of the essay, you didn't mention who you were talking about (Homer) until the second paragraph, which I edited for you.

Since I don't know much about the Greeks, I don't think I was much help, but I hope I was. PM me if you need any more help.

ThienThienThien,
A helper at your service

That was kind of how it was suppose to look. Also you're probably right when you say it's short. It has to be 500 words...*cries like a baby* *Stomps off to her room when noboby listens*

Anyway, don't worry about not getting to it right away, I've been busy, so I didn't really notice. =) Anyway, see ya around!

- Claeren

I'll ignore the fact that Thien has already done an editing....I'm gonna give you an edit Vox-style....

Claeren wrote:This is an essay that I had to do for a history fair. please read and review, because I haven't turned it in yet, and I want to make it as good as possible before then!

Homer

In Greek History, one poet made such an impact as to change the very nature of Greek religion.This sentence is awkward...reword it some, it will sound a lot better. cut the "not very much" and just use the word little instead... Not very much is known about his childhood. you aren't contradicting yourself, so the "however" is unnecessary However, he is traditionally said to have written two of the greatest epics in history, which people still talk about today. instead of "talk about," it would sound much better if you said discuss The result of these great achievements had very wide reaching effects. did you mean far-reaching instead of "very wide reaching"

Some theories of Homer’s existence is that he was a minstrel, while others believe that he did not exist at all. That is very awkward...try Some say Homer was...instead of the "some theories" thing...The facts that are available are few. Just say "Few facts are available" However, it is known that the Trojan War, talked about in the Iliad, really did happen or something like it. This also needs to be reworded...it's especially awkward how you say "or something like it" Also, if Homer did exist, experts theorize that he would have lived sometime around 9-6th century B.C. or even later. it would look better if you spelled out the years instead of the hyphen-thingy

Homer’s achievements are considerable, though we do not know all of the things which he wrote. again, awkward, plus it isn't a good idea to use an outright opinion in a factual essay like this They were lost over time, by age or by other means. pretty good...He is traditionally called the creator of the two works the Iliad and the Odyssey. cut the phrase "two works" say both instead...The Iliad talks about the Trojan War and the Olympus gods, while the Odyssey talks about the journey of a man named Odysseus and its theme, morality. an of is needed between "theme," and "morality" Both include miracles of the Olympus gods. FYI: I think they were called the Gods of Olympus...it sounds better too than the "Olympus gods"

The Greeks soon took these two works and made them their religion. The word "soon" is just overkill....The Romans soon adapted this religion and changed it to fit their needs better as well. Again, cut the "soon" Both parties changed politics and laws to fits their religious beliefs, and both adapted it to fit their own ends. Ends? that doesn't sound right, nor does it make any sense to me.

Homer’s great achievements are still talked about today. He made a great impacted on history, and his stories have become some of the best known mythology stories around the entire globe. That sentence needs to be reworded to something like: "He had an impact on history, for his stories have become perhaps the most widely-known mythologies in Western history". People world-wide acknowledge the greatness of his works, though people question whether it was him who created them. That sentence seems to contradict everything you've told us in this essay

so that is what I think needs fixing. If I was harsh, I apologize, I'm just trying to help you improve it so it will be the best piece it can be. It's pretty good, actually. I hope you did a lot of research...your facts seem to be credible. Cheers!

I'll try not to repeat what the others have said.

In Greek History, one poet made such an impact as to change the very nature of Greek religion.

Try rearranging the words so there is more fluency.

Not very much is known about his childhood.

Could you say, "Very little is know about his childhood?"

The result of these great achievements had very wide reaching effects.

Instead of saying wide reaching effects, why don't you say, "large [or something like that] effects."

The facts that are available are few.

If you say, "Few facts are available," it would have more fluency.

However, it is known that the Trojan War, talked about in the Iliad, really did happen or something like it.

You don't need, "or something like that," in the sentence.

They were lost over time, by age or by other means.

Cut out "by" in the last part of the sentence.

The Romans soon adapted this religion and changed it to fit their needs better as well.

Use another word besides "soon."

Both parties changed politics and laws to fits their religious beliefs, and both adapted it to fit their own ends.

Cut out the second "both."

Your essay is good. Keep on writing.

Thanks you guys! I included all your critiques in my finished essay, it was a lot better! *beams at everyone*

- Claeren

Over all it is a good essay. You make some very profound points and come at some angles that I wouldn't have thought to. Your grammer is rather poor, but then again so is mine and everyone else's here:)

If my english teacher were to read this and if this essay was for an open writing segment of a test, she would give you a solid "2".

Which is pretty average, but "3s" and rarely "4s" is what you want to aim for. Keep writing, and I should think to put some of my own personal essays from school on. So thank you and keep writing!

johnny