Wrath Of The Heart [pt.2]

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Chapter 2
Lights. They’re all around me, surrounding me as if blocking chances of my escape. Why would I escape? A picture [EMMA!] flashes in my mind and I gasp. A cool and firm hand rests on my forehead and I hear a voice, “There. Don’t worry, it’ll be alright.”
I look towards the voice and see a tall young woman in a nurse’s uniform standing beside me. The odd, uncomfortable place where I lie, the unbearable smell of medicine and syringes, the uniform – I’m in a hospital! I sit up at once and look around me but the nurse pushes my back on the hospital bed gently.
“Now, now!” She says, “a little patience there, honey. You’ll be alright. Don’t worry. You’re parents must be on their way now.”
I manage to mutter, “What happened?”
The nurse looks at me exhaustedly.
“You came in unconscious.” Is all she says before exiting the room. I stare after her trying to gather my messed up thoughts. It was Emma in the mirror, no doubt; I’m sure I wasn’t hallucinating or imagining things just for the heck for it. Question number 1: how could she be there when she’s supposed to be dead?! What if it really was a hallucination? My mind is really muddled up now. Some part of my brain tells me it was a hallucination while another part insists it was all real. The nurse returns with a sharp injection and I stare at it, my thoughts still muddled.
“What’s that for?” I ask the nurse resignedly.
“It’ll send you to sleep,” She tells me without emotion.
“Anesthetic?”
“Yeah.”
“Why? Am I dying?”
She looks – no, glares! – at me.
“Not a joke!” she hisses.
I recoil, shocked. Her expression softens and she looks at me, genuinely concerned.
“I…” She clears her throat. “I don’t want to be the one to say this and I shouldn’t. But it doesn’t matter…”
I swallow hard.
“What?”
“I heard the doctor today,” she begins, “while he was talking to your parents. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It’s going to hurt you but I guess you’re strong. You’ll have to be.”
She squeezes my arm gently and reveals the mother of all surprises.
“You may have brain tumour.”


More 2 cum l8r on ^^




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hey Huff Puff!

I'm glad to see you've added an additional chapter. This story has a lot of potential and I think that in the future, you'll be able to personify the characters more.

Here is my critique, I hope it helps :

They’re all around me, surrounding me as if blocking chances of my escape.


I understand what you're trying to say here but I think the wording at the end is a little confusing. Considering revising it to say "as if blocking any chance of escape". Just a suggestion!

A picture [EMMA!] flashes in my mind and I gasp.


Usually in fiction paranetheses can make a sentence a little bit awakard. In this case I would try rewriting it to have more flow

Example: Suddenly, a Emma's face flashes through my mind and I gasp.

Question number 1: how could she be there when she’s supposed to be dead?! What if it really was a hallucination?


Hmm, well for this I do have some advice. Since you tell the reader when you will be asking your "Question number 1" you should also do the same for the second question, as to keep with the structure.

Also, avoid using two punctuation marks together "!?". I think it fit okay here, but you usually want to depict a single emotion and sometimes that can be confusing. The reader doesn't know whether your character is questioning something, or excited about it.

The nurse returns with a sharp injection and I stare at it, my thoughts still muddled.


By saying sharp injection I'm not sure if you are referring to the needle or the actual injection. Considering that your main character is still awake after it, then i believe you mean the needle.

Here's a possible way to clarify: "The nurse returns with a sharp syringe"

“You may have a brain tumour.”


You forget Mister A!!! he was very sad, but I added him in there for you. :]

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I like the twist you added to the second chapter. It makes me wonder if the seeing of Emma is real or caused my the brain tumor.

Interesting. . . you've got me questioning it all. That's good! you've pulled the reader (me) in.

If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me.

-dd9
live like there's no tomorrow, dream like you'll live forever.

be the change you wish to see in the world
-gandi



Perfection is lots of little things done well.
— Marco Pierre White