This Pen is Retired

Hey =]

I don't usually review poetry, but I was just clicking around and the title caught my attention so I decided to read and I'm glad I did. I really enjoyed your poem - I'm not that good when it comes to what makes a good poem and what makes a bad poem, but I really liked it and judging by all of the reviews above me a lot of others did too.

I think it's simple yet imaginative and brilliant at the same time.

Great job and I hope you carry on writing more great pieces!

Gold star =]

xDudettex

The title really caught my attention with this peice, but I do have to agree that in the first stanza it sounds like the pen will be back, but in the rest of it it sounds like the pen is gone for ever.
But as for the last line of the first stanza, I didn't think that it was too short and threw off the poem at all, I like it the way it is.
And then for the last line, I think that it's good too, even if it doesn't exactly rhyme, It really sums up the poem nicely.

This was the first piece of writing that i read on this website, and i think that it what made me decide to make an account. For that i thank you.

I really liked it,but i think that i might sense a little bit of frustration at the pen, but it might just be me.

Amazing poem.
It flowed really well and the rhyme scheme was awesome!
I love the idea of the 'retired pen'
keep it up!
xx mimi xx

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:This pen writes no longer,
It has abandoned its trade;
It has gone on vacation,
And has let its ink fade. < - I kind of take issue with this line, "has let its" is very choppy and disturbs the flow of the rest of the stanza, which is quite clever (particularly the first two lines, which I find brilliant!).

This pen has no stories,
No more glorious prose;
The chestful of plots,
Have been boarded and closed.

This pen writes no poems,
No more meters and rhymes;
'Tis much too exhausted,
To compose one more line.

This pen has no essays,
No opinions to share;
For this simple instrument,
Has lost talent's flare. < - Again, I think this last line is a bit weak...don't sacrifice a strong last line for a better rhyme; consider a word with a less exact rhyme, but a greater overall impact.

This pen writes no longer,
It has lost all its words;
And devoid of its talent,
What is this pen worth?

I'd say your pen is worth quite a lot, my friend. Aside from a couple of issues with your closing lines, I really enjoyed this poem. Clever, and it flowed well overall.

I had absolutely no complaints with this poem, dear. I've seen your poetry, and just finished reading another poem of yours-- you truly have great poetic talent. I loved 'This Rose I Give' (did you ever work up the courage after all? XD) and this was also wonderful. Seriously, KA. You rock epically. I love your poetry.

One reason I love your poetry is because, I'll admit it, I am a hard-core rhyme and rhythm freak. I absolutely adore poems with steady, concrete rhyming schemes and rhythms that you could set a metronome to, and you certainly always deliver in that department.

I do think that, if anything could be improved here, your punctuation might be toned down a bit. I personally do not believe that it's necessary to punctuate at the end of every single line, but I know that there are hoards of more experienced poets getting out their pitchforks as I say that.

Another I loved about this is how you turned it all around in the end with your question. All throughout the poem you're giving us cold, hard facts-- this pen does not work. It simply does not, no questions asked. But, on the very last line, you give us the promised dramatic effect; you switch things around and ask your readers a question. What is the pen worth? You let us decide, and I'm sure what I've decided:

Your pen, my dear, is worth double its weight in gold.

~Evi

I loved this poem. It flowed except for the last line. I see that most people had gotten the 'nit-picks.' There is not much more I can say except for great job and keep writing! You deserve a gold star. *hands a gold star to you* Good luck!

i really love this poem,
the pen is a really good plot (:

i know i'll enjoy reading others of yours.

Nice. Great poetry and imaganation! Keep it up! Whenever you have another story please notify me. -.-