This Pen is Retired

This pen writes no longer,
It has abandoned its trade;
It has gone on vacation,
And has let its ink fade.

This pen has no stories,
No more glorious prose;
The chestful of plots,
Have been boarded and closed.

This pen writes no poems,
No more meters and rhymes;
'Tis much too exhausted,
To compose one more line.

This pen has no essays,
No opinions to share;
For this simple instrument,
Has lost talent's flare.

This pen writes no longer,
It has lost all its words;
And devoid of its talent,
What is this pen worth?

Hey! Nice poem.

I liked the way it flowed.

The rythm and rhyming went well to create a solid platform, from which the ideas were launched with precision.

I think I spotted one or two grammatical errors so be sure to double check your work before you post it, but to be honest I don't think it really matters, you got your thoughts across pretty flawlessly and that's the main thing.

I hope it wasn't about you ans how you feel at the moment though.

Keep it up

I like this. It makes me think of an old grey man who has had a prolific writing career and is now a washed up, sickly hermit.

However, I would like to disagree with jones. I had a major problem with the flow of the poem.

This pen writes no longer,

It has abandoned its trade;

It has gone on vacation,

And let its ink fade.

In the first stanza, the last line is is too short.

Also, the way you have set up the meter in the first line of each stanza is somewhat problematic for me. The way the accents are, you end up stressing "THIS pen writes to no longer." That doesn't sound natural. If you were to say "This PEN can write no longer," automatically it sounds better, I think.

This pen writes no more poems,
No more meters and rhymes;
For now 'tis much too tired,
To write a single line.

This is a suggested rewrite to help the meter. I know it's quite a bit different, it's just an idea.
I think making the meter and rhythm more natural would make this poem first rate! Good job.

rachel

I am always amazed when I read your poems. You have such a great sense of rhythm and rhyme. I didn't spot any mistakes, and I've no critiques, because how can I be expected to find a flaw in perfection. I sincerely hope your pen has not retired. 'Twould be such a shame to loose a wonderful writer like you.

Oh! And I'm in agreement with nixonblitzen. The lines vary in length a bit, setting off the meter, and it seemed to lack some rhythm in the last stanza.

And now I'm contradicting myself. It seems that indeed, there can be flaws in perfection. xD

Hope I didn't confuse you too much.

This is really nice!

I really liekd this poem its simple and creative!

most of the nit picks ill drop casue i like it

but the one thing that bugs me the most is that

THE VERY LAST line lost the flow

thats bad because the last line should foloow the rhymth of the

rest of ur poem.

It tru not all poems do rhyme but u built up a flow dont killl it!

otherwise good job!

L8r Alligater

kamasgirl95

hehehehe

The name itself intrigued me.

I began reading.
I was enticed.
I'm a horrible poet, so you're lucky I didn't go with my original plan to make a horrible verse about how the poem was written on the computer.
Anyways. Have you ever read Inkheart/spell/death?
I have, obviously. I think that this poem reminds me alot of a character in it.
What I'm trying to say, though, is "Good Job! You deserve a gold star!"

*Grabs sticker and sticks it on your screen*

Excellent. I hope this is in featured works!

~La Reina!

I'm too late to second that, so I'll just give you a gold star.

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:This pen writes no longer,
It has abandoned its trade;
It has gone on vacation,
And let its ink fade.

Important point to note here: If the pen went on vacation, I'm assuming that it will return. After a read-through of the poem, it's clear that your "pen" (writing ability? inspiration?) has gone permanently or at least indefinitely. If that is the case, vacation is absolutely the wrong term to use. Change it to one that holds a little more eternal meaning. Perhaps death or burial?

This pen has no stories,
No more glorious prose;
The chestful of plots,
Have been boarded and closed.

This pen writes no poems,
No more meters and rhymes;
'Tis much too exhausted,
To compose one more line.

This pen has no essays,
No opinions to share;
For this simple instrument,
Has lost talent's flare.

This pen writes no longer,
It has lost all its words;
And devoid of its talent,
What is this pen worth?

The rest of the poem was dry. I understand that you're trying to tell a story, but this feels like an essay. Where is the poetry? The only conception of poetic flair I found was in the (admittedly forced) rhyme, and that alone does not make a poem. As a rule of thumb, imagery is good, so include it; what do you see your lack of creativity or talent as? A rock baking in the desert, a molecule of ice, a blank face without eyes? These examples, while only examples, contain symbolism and create a picture in the mind of a reader, something that is valuable as a tool in poetry.

Hope that helped.

Nice work!

I'm not really sure what to say, all the people above me have said it all!

Keep writing!

God Bless!

Ah, two things popped out at me when I was reading it.

In the last stanza, "worth" and "words" don't quite make a partial rhyme. It sounds off a bit.

Oh, and in the last line of the first stanza, shouldn't it be "has let" instead of "let"? It keeps the same tense and improves the rhythm slightly.

Otherwise, though, this poem is delicious.

On the contrary, this pen has quite some ink left.

The imagery creates a depressing tone, leaving the reader to feel "Has this writer sucked up every last amount of imagination he could possibly use? Is his existence meaningless?" It leaves one feeling pity for the writer who once used the pen.

I must agree with Galerius here. If you put vacation, it would seem that the pen would return after a short while. Emphasize the point that the pen is completely gone and it might be better off.

Keep up the writing.

Nice poem! A lot of people have already pointed things out so I wont say the same things. Although i do agree that the last line looses the flow of the poem. Other than that GREAT! You deserve a gold star. =)

This poem is awesome!

My only nitpick is:

This pen writes no longer,

It has abandoned its trade;

It has gone on vacation,

And let its ink fade.

The last line of the first stanza needs to be longer.

The last line of the poem didn't follow the flow; but I think that it was effective in showing that the pen has lost its talent and flare for writing.

There's not much else that I can say, except that this was spectacular! The name was great, the imagery was great, and the meaning was even better!

Gold star!


--Alex

I really liked this poem, I wouldn't say loved as I think that's a term that's too lightly tossed around, but I certainly enjoyed it. The imagery was beautiful *Will come onto this later.

This pen writes no longer,

It has abandoned its trade;

It has gone on vacation,

And has let its ink fade.

I like this as a first stanza, however, vacation implies that the pen is going to return. I think someone's already mentioned this, but it is a valid point. This poem is evidently portraying retirement from writing in some form, that I find quite frankly impossible as most of us wouldn't be able to live without it . Vacation isn't the correct word, try looking for another term to correctly portray what you are trying to.

This pen has no stories,

No more glorious prose;

The chestful of plots,

Is chestful a word? It might be, I just think it sounds rather strange. Would chest full of plots sound better? No, the dictionary says it is a word, I just think it sounds a bit weird.

Have been boarded and closed.



This pen writes no poems,

No more meters and rhymes;

'Tis much too exhausted,

To compose one more line.

This pen has no essays,

No opinions to share;

For this simple instrument,

Has lost talent's flare.



This pen writes no longer,

It has lost all its words;

And devoid of its talent,

What is this pen worth?

I adore this as a last line, it works perfectly.


I really enjoyed this poem. I'm currently procrastinating and trying to avoid writing an essay, this most certainly proved a distraction. (In a good way).
The imagery in this poem made me depict the subject as an elderly person, perhaps man for some reason? One who has been a writer all his life, and has now given it up. It doesn't feel, however, as though this man has given writing up through his own accord, as the writing seems to reflect feelings of remorse and upset at having lost his talent. Rather, to me this poem seems to portray an elderly person, once a fantastic writer, now lost within themselves due to a disease. Not a physical disease though, a mental one. Something like alzheimer's. (sp?) It has that air about it, that of losing one's mind. Of becoming lost and confused, losing who you really are. I could be wrong, what is it about? I'd like to know if I'm right, which I'm probably not.


Anyway, poetry wise this was great. I really enjoyed it, well written, interesting and it seemed to carry a deeper meaning. Three of the things I value most in poetry.

Keep writing poetry
~Kirsten

When I read it the first timee....I loved it

When I read it the second time I got the image that the pen just ran out of ink

When i read it the third time i thought of how technology has taken writing to a whole new level and the pen has been left behind.

I see no problem and i like the style (REALLY)