Idiotic boyfriend

Forever Threnody wrote:
Hm. That's about it. Again, just see if any of my suggestions could enhance the quality of your poem. I hope you'll take some into consideration for merely the sake of the poem. I did enjoy it, it was fun to read.

Every your suggestion helped me a lot. Thanks8)

Forever Threnody wrote:...But by calling your idiotic girlfriend an idiotic boyfriend to insult her, aren't you basically insulting yourself, and apparently your appearance, and your very being?! Well?

I'm bullet-proof for that kind of stuff. You can't insult me, in any way, ever.

The title is idiotic boyfriend and the poem says this:

her strong stand shown as idiotic boyfriend.

you talk about a girl as a boyfriend? I think you might want to change that=)

but i liked especially the part in which you talked about her reign and your defeat, it really described your emotions!

hm...so how come it's called idiotic boyfriend if it's about a girl?

Haha, just kidding, I think before I speak and read before I write (I read June's post). So I won't harass you about pointless semantics and others' failure to comprehend.

While I do agree with Xavier in that we must feel what we write, so as to be honest and communicate with purpose, passion, and intent....I do think that he's stretching it a bit. Poetry is not always about emotions and great passions, please, simply look at William Carlos Williams or Kerouac. There is a subtle tone to your works (and I'd like to think it intentional) and that is what I enjoy about them.

Maybe you could describe, not the girl's appearance or anything, but rather a once sweet memory you shared with her. Just to give the reader a better sense of her, realize your attachment to her to then accentuate the pain later when they realize she's now gone from your life. Perhaps the rush from first making a move, the thrill of first taking her hand, that kind of stuff. If you emphasize the good to a slight degree it contrasts and strengthens the sad.

I'm sorry this girl broke your heart, I know how it feels, but given time one will find peace. For now...well, we are what we write and we, my friend, are sad.



PaperMoon