Poop Poop

Crysi wrote:Didn't realize YWS was getting so serious.

The fact that half the time, people on YWS aren't serious enough when critiqing is part of why YWS hasn't reached its full potential. Just take a look at any piece around here; most of the replies will be near to useless. "WOW, this was gud!" "Nice job, I wanna read more!"

when you post pieces on YWS, generally you're looking for critiques so you can improve it.

Generally? Always.

Oh, and Galerius: people write for different reasons. Yes, some focus on communicating some truth to the audience. Some also focus on entertaining people, or simply bringing the audience into a make-believe world. Actually, I write for all of these reasons, and have examples of each. But writing should always be enjoyable! Once you start writing just to make a profit, you lose the craft. At some level, you should always have a little fun with it.

Thanks for proving my point, I suppose. All of your examples stated what I had said in the beginning - that any type of intelligent writing is written for someone else to make them understand what you think and perceive...unless the poet is completely selfish. Furthermore, when you post your writing on a web site for critiquing, the assumption is that you want others to read it and the piece isn't only for "yourself".

ThienThienThien, I apologize for turning your thread into a debate but I had to correct some dangerous misunderstandings (in my opinion). If you seriously want a critique of this piece, let me know. Somehow I don't think you do.

Taking it to PM.

I don't care what the others say. This was pretty amusing and believe you me. I live with a younger brother and small nieces and a nephew who makes jokes about poop. So, this wasn't very far from it. And maybe this poem was from a dog's point of view. I'm sorry, I should go now but I just want to say that I got a good laugh from! And that's all that counts. Good Job!

Happy Writing!

Meadow

You're right Galerius, I wasn't really looking for a critique. I just posted to see what people think of it: Humourous, or Irritating?

Thanks Meadow Lark! Glad to know you like it!

PS. Galerius, it's hard to believe you're ten years old! You sound so much like an adult! That's a compliment by the way XD

Galerius wrote:

ThienThienThien wrote:To be honest, I agree as well. It sucks, I know, but the point is I had so much fun writing this XD And that's what a hobby of writing is about, isn't it?

Incorrect. Writing for oneself is an endless circle going nowhere; it does not lead to any sort of improvement or development of concepts and the self. True writing, good writing, is meant to communicate an idea or interact with an audience in an effort to make the poet's stances on life and its issues, whether they be those of human nature, wordly happenstances, or super-realistic questions of man.

Never think that writing just to please your own image of joy and conscience will lead you anywhere. After all, if you just write so that you will be happy, then why bother to go beyond simplistic, basic ideas? If it suits you the first time you do it, then there is no point furthering you abilities and thoughts.

ehheheh no offense G, but you just f*cked up everything for everybody. ya feel me!?

Reality is a composition of infinite perspectives and possibilities, YOU sir are incorrect by attempting to confine all within your definition...reality is indefinite.

something only exist as it does in our minds, otherwise illusions would be impossible.

I'm not going to say that my statement is full proof, because I speak in a broad fashion that is open like the universe.

YA DIGG!?!?!?

Amusing, though we really need something more serious here.

If you want to see something serious, check out other poems on the board, preferably the ones labeled by others as having a dark tone. That might get you pointed in the right direction instead of... less mature poetry.

However, it does contain a good rhythm and flow to it. So, besides being somewhat vulgar, it actually could be considered good if these people consider the mechanics.

Thien, this was hilarious, and to be honest, a little breathe of fresh air. Ironic huh. Fresh air. XD


Anyway, I have to laugh at some of the comments that are very rude on here. Even from some instructors! How could they say you should leave because of a poem? In my opinion, they shouldn't be Instructors then.


I admit, the part about licking/tasting the bile was weird. However, I found this amusing. This was definitely the first poem I've read about that was the topic of poo. XD


Everyone that talked bad about this was just rude, don't listen to them.


It was amusing and very different, unique in it's own way.


---Jon---

I can honestly say that I will most likely never ever read another poem like this, but oh well, it was funny. And right npw I really need to laugh. But honestly, it wasn't terrible, it was really really random, and didn't really make that much sense always, but it wasn't terrible...

Thanks guys, I'm glad you liked it and found it's humour.

Hey there, Thien(To the power of 3! )
First off, I'd like to say that your tolerance is commendable,
Especially when you were under not-so-nice fire by unhappy people.
Everyone, we should be encouraging and giving strict, but constructive critism,
Not tearing his confidence down. The piece may not suit your taste, but that doesn't make it entirely rubbish.

The first 3 stanzas, are admittedly, rather repulsive sounding to me. Why?
Because 'excretion', is not exactly the best choice of synonym for human waste product.
You're trying to create a humourous situation here. Stick to 'cute' words like Poop!
And honestly, yes the thought of those actions are highly disturbing.
Try to rephrase it in a way that is more hilarious and won't make your readers coil back in disgust.

I found the 4th stanza really 'adorable' (if you could call it that)
The second line was a rather witty way to put it.
Though poop that lacks colour would mean that its transparent O_o
It made me grin.

Similarly for the 5th stanza, the comparison to a 'fugly marshmallow' made laugh.
How silly sounding. Highly amusing.

Again the 6th stanza,
Truth be told, there's no fool-proof way to make poop-eating not disgusting to a certain degree,
But achieving hilarity is possible. Some animals eat their poop, did you know?
That could be a point you could try out!

I was neutral to the 7th stanza,
But yes, I could feel the corners of my mouth twitch. You almost made me smile

The ending stanza was plain loopy XD
Not really sure of its relevance to the rest of the poem,
But reading the last line aloud, did the trick. I ended up laughing

Some words do not need capitalising, but feel free to leave them alone.
Overall, an exceptional attempt at turning something supposedly icky, into something we could laugh at. It reminds me of a limerick; nonsensical babble that is artful.
If we tried to loosen up at look at this with a less critical eye,
We could see that this is a form of 'creative art'. Admittedly, it wasn't all too pleasant and you didn't really manage to get off with a good start, and first impressions do carry some sort of impact, but I think you managed fine in the end
Again, if you ever feel like coming back to this, consider the suggestion I made about poop-eating animals. If my memory serves me right, rabbits (yeah, those supposedly cute and cuddly things) are one of them, hehe Its presumed to be erm...nutritious for them. [I'm not telling you how I know that]

If you ever edit this, feel free to PM me if you want another review. I'll be glad to help you out!
This is the first poem that I've ever critiqued in such depth, considering I'm not a poet.
I normally look out for grammar/punctuation/spelling/etc..., but I haven't spotted anything there. Good!
Have a nice day!
~Meep(:

I will say I liked the poem. It was different. It wasn't thrity pages long. It was just kinda cool. Sure at first you were kinda grossed out, but by the second stanza you were used to it! I don't get why so many people hated it. I thought poetry was to express yourself, and let the reader enjoy themselves along the ride. Oh, did you see that a comment was removed? lol. what was that about?

This was a very fun poem. It really brightened up my day ^^
Keep up the humour! XD

Oh my gosh Thien. I hadn't read this poem yet. This is so gross and childish. But amusing in a way. Wow. What horrible thoughts go through your head?

This is very funny. And there isn't any rules saying that, no, you can't post poems like this. So, overall, I enjoyed it I guess.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody