I'm not one hundred percent sold on my title, but I felt it was an improvement from "Untitled". Let me know what you think. In this piece I'd like for you to really focus on the characters. Do you get a good sense of the protagonist's personality? I'm not sure how to fix this so any suggestions in that direction would be helpful. Thanks for reading!
Veronica spun the dial on her locker, the sound of her peers all around her. Her locker was a hot mess, with two hoodies, a gray sweatshirt, loose paper, the backpack she never used, and most of her textbooks. The rest of the locker was colorfully decorated with a collage Veronica had made in art. There were pictures of vibrant flowers, a table laden with decadent food, photos of her favorite bands, a Hawaiian waterfall, a chef standing over a bubbling pot, and a shirtless picture of Zach Efron. The last had resulted in weeks of merciless teasing by her close friends.
Suddenly, two hands were clasped over Veronica’s eyes and she heard someone choke back a giggle. “You know, Kayla, you’d probably get away with this if Delilah didn’t always blow your cover.”
“I don’t always blow her cover!” Delilah denied before realizing her slip-up.
“Ahh, Delilah!” Kayla whined, removing her hands from Veronica’s eyes. “So Roni, did you finish the Algebra homework? I got stuck on like five problems.”
“Really, only five?” Delilah asked, pulling out a compact mirror from her back pocket and checking her reflection.
“How can you see yourself in that?” Kayla demanded pulling the mirror away. “Did you steal it from Barbie?”
“Come on, Kayla!” Delilah reclaimed her mirror. She snapped it close and hid it away in the back pocket of her jeans.
Kayla twirled a piece of electric purple hair around her finger. “So, Veronica, the homework? Did you do it?”
“Yeah.” Veronica opened her math book and pulled out the notebook paper. It was slightly wrinkled and had red smudges on it. Veronica had been eating Hot Cheetos when she was doing the work and inevitably the cheesy powder got all over her jeans and her math homework.
“Nice.” Kayla snatched it away and quickly began to copy the answers. She was almost through when the first bell rang. “I’ll finish copying it in Study Hall and give it back to you before math.”
“Fine, just don’t let Mrs. Barathaun catch you this time. My parent’s will kill me if I end up in detention again.” Veronica dug out her history textbook and slammed her locker shut.
“Speaking of murder,” Delilah looped her arm through Veronica’s and lead the way down the hall, “How did your parents react to the whole report card.”
“Ugh, it was so unfair,” Veronica wailed. “They read Victoria’s first.”
“Bet that didn’t help any.” Kayla said linking her arm with Veronica’s other arm.
“They grounded me for a whole month!”
“That sucks!” Delilah exclaimed wrinkling her nose.
“That’s not even the worst part. Since my sister’s grades were so perfect, my parents are making her tutor me!”
“No way!” Kayla stopped in her tracks and bent down to tie her shoe. “Ugh, you couldn’t pay me to take lessons from the Goddess. You know, just breathing the same oxygen as her, lowers your self-esteem by fifty-five percent. They did a thing about it with Barbara Walters.”
“Tell me about it. At least you don’t have to live with her.” Veronica felt so sorry for herself. Why was life so cruel to her? Kayla didn’t have it so bad. Sure, she was a little chubby, but she covered up her flaws with outright boldness. She had rainbow-colored hair, eccentric fashion choices, and didn’t give a damn what anyone thought about it. Veronica wished she could have half of Kayla’s confidence. Delilah was the prettiest of the three of the friends with thick auburn hair and big green eyes. Delilah always complained about her fair skin and freckles, but Veronica thought that added to her beauty.
“Here’s my stop,” Kayla announced. “See you two later!” She gave them a quick salute before disappearing through the door.
Delilah resumed walking. The friends walked along in silence for a few seconds. “Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I heard this rumor that there is a new guy in school. And I heard he is really cute!”
“Who did you hear that from?” Veronica looked at her skeptically. Delilah loved to gossip and ninety percent of the time the gossip was completely fabricated.
“Bridget Summers told me.” Delilah replied, watching her feet as they walked. She wore dainty ballet flats with little red bows across the toes.
“Since when do you and Bridget Summers talk?” Veronica was incredulous. Bridget Summers was one of Victoria’s minions. Victoria Montgomery, Bridget Summers, and Cherie Sena were the popular girls of South East High School.
“Well, actually I overheard her and Cherie talking in the bathroom. Cherie was the one who found out about him. I guess she was in the front office when he came in. She said he had a kick-ass leather jacket.”
Veronica bit her lip. If Cherie Sena was the one spreading the rumor then that was a different story. It was like the girl had a million little spies working for her. She knew everything that was going on in everyone’s life. Mostly, because she was really good at listening. And because she was good at manipulating people to reveal their darkest secrets. Luckily for Veronica, Cherie didn’t bother with the Nobodies and in the eyes of her classmates, Veronica was a Nobody.
Suddenly, the late bell rang and Delilah squealed. The two friends cantered down the hall and skidded into their first period class. Their teacher, Mr. Draper who was always fashionably late, had yet to arrive. Steadying her breathing, Veronica took her seat in the back right hand corner of the class and Delilah sat in the desk in front of her. Veronica was about to ask for more details about the new kid when Mr. Draper swooped into the room.
“Heeello class!” He squealed placing his morning Starbucks on his desk. He perched himself right next to the coffee and began his morning ritual. First he took off his gloves, pulling each long, bony finger out one by one. Then he would remove his coat, meticulously unbuttoning each brown button that reminded Veronica of little dollops of feces. Finally, with a dramatic sweep of his lanky arms, he’d remove his scarf, which was always some heinous color like mustard yellow. The whole time, he’d be rambling aimlessly about his weekend, or the traffic he had faced that morning. Today, he was talking about one of his precious pet pussy-cats. “I had to take Miss Muffet to the vet this morning. She has distemper. Very sad, very sad indeed. She just won’t eat and her behavior is affecting the other cats. Why just yesterday, Harold received a very harsh scolding because he decided to do his business in the corner of the living room instead of in the litter box. But enough about my problems, lets talk about literature!”
The whole class moaned in unison. “Oh come, come students, there is nothing more refreshing than diving into a good book. Escaping reality for a few hours, entering a whole new world, becoming someone else. Sounds like a grand adventure!” The way he swayed to and fro, Veronica half expected him to break out into a pirouette.
“Sounds like someone forgot to take his meds.” Delilah muttered over her shoulder.
“So last Friday we were talking about different forms of poetry and I had given everyone the assignment of writing a poem about themselves, using the freestyle form. Would anyone care to share their poem?” He looked eagerly around the room, seriously expecting a grumpy, half-awake teenager to willingly volunteer to stand in front of a room full of their classmates and probably make a complete fool of themselves. No one raised their hands. “Very well then.” He glanced down at his clipboard. “Holly Hadley? Would you share your poem with the rest of the class?”
Holly stood up, her silky blonde hair braided into two pigtails and she was wearing a scandalously tight green top. There was way too much cleavage showing for a fifteen year old. She cleared her throat nervously, her hands shaking as she raised her poem to read it. “This is me. Cheerleader, daughter, friend. Popular, spirited, fun. Pretty, trend-setter, adventurous. Hip hop, pop, I love music. Talented, good at encouraging, unique. This is me.”
The class politely clapped and Holly beamed as she gave a slight curtsy. “Ok who’s next?” Mr. Draper surveyed the classroom. He had just picked up the clipboard to call on someone else when there was a knock and the principal poked his head in the door.
“Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Draper, I just wanted to introduce a new student. This is Keith Seidel.” He gestured at the student standing next to him.
Delilah turned around in her seat. “I told you!” She whispered.
But Veronica hardly heard her she was so entranced. Cherie hadn’t been kidding when she said he was cute. He had a thick head of black hair, piercing gray eyes, and a strong jaw line. Veronica caught herself staring at his sensual mouth and tried to suppress the warm, tingly feeling rising in her body. He was gorgeous.
“Welcome to South East.” Mr. Draper greeted him. “Please take a seat.”
Veronica was shocked when she realized the only available desk was to the left of herself and that was exactly where Keith was headed. Her hands were suddenly sweaty, and her breathing became shallow. He had broad shoulders and a bad-ass attitude about himself. Veronica was magnetically drawn to him and yet she knew she didn’t stand a chance. The only male who gave her any sort of sexual attention was Nathan Sheehan.
To every other testosterone card-holding member Veronica Montgomery was just Victoria Montogomery’s little sister. A Nobody. Suddenly, Keith was sliding into the desk next to Veronica and he smiled warmly at her. “Hey.” His voice was like molten chocolate, tantalizing and smooth.
Veronica choked on her voice, rose blossoming on her cheeks. “Hi.” It came out as a squeak. Delilah threw a look at Veronica and stifled a giggle.
The rest of the class passed by in a blur, all Veronica could focus on was the proximity she was to Keith. He wore a musky cologne that made Veronica feel hot and she squirmed in her seat. Why was she reacting this way to someone she hardly knew? He didn’t even know her name. The bell rang, jerking Veronica abruptly back into reality.
Clumsily, she scrabbled for her belongings, knocking a binder off the desk. Papers scattered all over the floor. Delilah grumbled under her breath and began helping her friend collect her things. Veronica was surprised when Keith crouched down alongside her and handed her a stack of papers. “Thanks.” Veronica’s hand shook when she reclaimed her papers. Keith caught her eye and they smiled at each other.
“So you’re the new kid?” Delilah spoke up.
“Keith.” He stood up and extended his hand towards Delilah.
“Delilah.” She shook his hand firmly. “And this is my ever graceful friend, Veronica.”
“Veronica.” His eyes were so intense as he shook his hand. Veronica wasn’t sure, but she felt that he held her hand more than was necessary.
“Well, we’ve got to get to class.” Delilah grabbed Veronica’s arm. “See you later.” Veronica had a goofy smile fixated on her face as she was led, dazedly, into the hallway. “Would you get that stupid look off your face, you look high.” Delilah elbowed her roughly in the ribs.
I think you have written this really well, I didn't notice much but I will point out what I can!
