A Heart that Hides

Let not my heart be opened
To the perils of the world,
To the treachery of Romance,
And to sweet, deceitful words.

Let my heart be safe within me,
Never venturing outside;
Never prey to any malice,
Or tempting, charming smiles.

Let my heart be guarded safely,
Against those that bring it pain;
Always wary of the danger
Of the feelings masks may feign.

Let not my heart be visible,
Stored where none can see;
Let it be locked securely,
And let none find the key.

This is really good to me! It sounds like a prayer, which makes that which you say fit with it even more! But the second stanza's rythm seemed very different tothe rest of the poem, I don't know it it's just me though. Otherwise, it's really beautiful, I liked the word choices and the way it is composed

Oh my! This overall was a very beautiful poem! I loved it so much! It's got rhythm and it flows beautifully! The rhyme scheme works fine, don't worry.

It gives the perfect feel of someone who has had their heart broken and won't love again because of it.

Beautiful job!

No comments. Perfectly set up.
Good word use and figurative language.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody

Hey there Angel! Mind if i call you that?
So, I absolutely loved this!
this is the beautiful! And amazingly done!
I would nto even change a word. My favorite part was the very last stanza. Great end. Unfortunately for you I have no more comments.
So, good job!
Keep it up!

*Kat*

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:Let not my heart be opened
To the perils of the world,
To the treachery of Romance no comma here
And to sweet, deceitful words. First stanza...all good.

Let my heart be safe within me,
Never venturing outside;
Never prey to any malice, again, no comma
Or tempting, charming smiles.

Let my heart be guarded safely,
Against those that bring it pain; great
Always wary of the danger
Of the feelings masks may feign.

Let not my heart be visible,
Stored where none can see;
Let it be locked securely,
And let none find the key. Although nice "string" between "securely" and "key", but these words just don't fit in the conception of your poem.

I don't know what to say but great. Well written, you have a great sense for rhythm and you did that without a rhyme...

Hello! I shall review your poem.

Rhythm ~ Absolutely amazing. Flawless. The flow was so smooth. Usually when reading poetry, my mind stutters trying to find the rhythm, but here, it was perfect. Great job.

Rhyme ~ In the first two stanzas, you used slant rhyme, but in the last two, you used natural rhyme. I think it'd be better if you stayed consistent.

Mood & Tone ~ I loved this. It seemed both childlike and grown-up at the same time, somehow. It had that soft magic that really good poetry has. Even though it makes you just a bit sad when reading it, you walk away feeling refreshed and happy.

Grammar ~ Flawless. I didn't find any mistakes.

Overall ~ Amazing. You have real talent. 50 bajillion gold stars.

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed.

Rhyme ~ In the first two stanzas, you used slant rhyme, but in the last two, you used natural rhyme. I think it'd be better if you stayed consistent.

I'm not learned on the particulars of rhyming. What's slant rhyme and what's natural rhyme?

Good work, KnightlyAngel! I'm dd9 and here is my sorry excuse for a review. I apologize, but it's hard to review a piece so touching without saying "AW!!!" every other secong. I am trying my best here.

Anwho, the review:

To the treachery of Romance,

Is there a reason "Romace" is capitalized? I think you might be trying to emphasize the emotion and give it the charateristics of a human, perhaps. If so, very cool. If not, cool anyway.

* The difference between the first two and second two parts, I'll explain. When I started writing poetry, I didn't even know how to spell! You are doing great, especially compared to that.

Let not my heart be opened

To the perils of the world,

To the treachery of Romance,

And to sweet, deceitful words.

Do you notice how this line has a different kind of rhyme than the following?

Let not my heart be visible,

Stored where none can see;

Let it be locked securely,

And let none find the key.

- - - - - -- - - - --- - -- - - - - -

If what I said perviously makes no sense, please ignore it. My tired brain was elsewhere.

So!

Overall, I really liked this poem. It had a great tone and a great message. The wording was great and I especially like the last section. I think it was probably the strongest part of your work. And that's good to end with a BAM! you know?

If you have any questions, just PM me. When I fully awake I might be more helpful. (Sorry!)

-dd9

Woah. Thanks dd9. Now, I understand the difference. That was a big help and an addition to my literary knowledge.

I really like this poem. Well worded and I absolutely loved the ending.
Keep on writing, you got talent!

Wow. That was a great poem. I could not find any fault with it. The rhyme went well and the tone and message conveyed was very clear and understandable. I like your word choice and the way the poem was composed.

I love it. I think it's your best work so far.

Keep up the good work, and keep writing! ^^

well, pretty good! to me, it sounds like some sort of mantra that one would chant aloud, or something of that sort. i'm not much of a one for particulars, so i won't go into grammar, punctuation, etc., because that just isn't my thing, but i will say that overall, it was a pretty decent poem. the second stanza didn't have the rhythm the rest of the poem did, especially that first line. but if you removed the "me", in the first line, i don't think any intent would be lost, and it would just flow better. either way, good job.
Pax,
zalarus.

Love it, love it, love it!! This actually reminds me of what my wishes were when I went to public school for the 1st time (I had been homeschooled until 9th grade) and I BEGGED for no one to take my heart because I knew it was just going to get crushed if they did. Nevertheless, they took it and eventually broke it anyway, but that's besides the point. Loved your poem, the rhyme, the fluidity, the emotion. All wonderful. Great job.

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:Let not my heart be opened
To the perils of the world,
To the treachery of Romance,
And to sweet, deceitful words.

Let my heart be safe within me,
Never venturing outside;
Never prey to any malice,
Or tempting, charming smiles.

Let my heart be guarded safely,
Against those that bring it pain;
Always wary of the danger
Of the feelings masks may feign.

Let not my heart be visible,
Stored where none can see;
Let it be locked securely,
And let none find the key.

Hey Angel ^^ Shina here I'll be your reviewer today due to the purps vs. blues.

The beginning and the ending lines of this poem are fabulous! I love it! The beginning is a lock, but you allow the readers in. The ending is the lock which seals the poem. That's what it seems like to me.

You don't need to capitalize the beginning of each line. You only capitalize for "I''s and the beginning of sentences. The rhyme scheme is sometimes there and sometimes it's not there. The beginning rhyme scheme is ruined because you cannot rhyme worlds with words. The second line doesn't have a rhyme scheme either. The third stanza has a rhyme scheme and so does the last, but that does't match up and it ruins the rhyme scheme.

That's all I have for you right now ^^ Keep writing.

PM or IM if yu need any help.

~Shina

BF! I just LOVE this!!! Common thought between us again - women falling for a man's trickery, being merely objects of fascinations they chase and hurt over and over again!

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:Let not my heart be opened
To the perils of the world,
To the treachery of Romance,
And to sweet, deceitful words.

I also love how it speaks of being on guard with your feelings. Definitely something i identify with! LOL!

Kudos! You've done it again!