Huhh. Hi! ^_^ I'm Hannah!! After reading this over once, the main message slipped past me. ;C I don't know if there was supposed to be some kind of continuity in the tone or the point, but I couldn't really catch on to it. Is there more? Will there be more? ^_^ Anyways, there are some places you gotta clean up things like here:
I believe that when you wish upon a star you are wishing for something that you can’t possible achieve on your own.
I think you meant 'you can't possibly', right? Just go through and make sure to catch things like that! ^_^
We, in our Sunday-solemnise, didn’t reply.
>_< Okay, I have to admit, I didn't know what 'solemnise' meant, so I looked it up on dictionary.com! So, it means ceremony kind of thing? Then, I don't know if you'd say someone was 'in a ceremony' if it was active. I mean you can look back on a ceremony and say 'that person was in that ceremony', but if you're going through it in the present, it just seems awkward, at least in my opinion. I think this is a REALLY good sentence, so you have to keep it, but maybe just say you were adhering to the ceremony or something like that? ^_^
Other than those little things I wanted to point out...
I really didn't understand the description of the house lay out. Is it /truly/ necessary? Is it going to be significant at any point {if there is a continuation of this}?
Also, I loved the description of the house as run down and horrible -- the basking in dust part especially -- but I felt the way the narrator described the mother with words like 'grotesque' was kind of jarring. If you meant it to be this way, then you did exactly what you wanted! xD However, if you don't want to communicate that the narrator holds some kind of hatred or disgust against his/her mother, you might want to consider different words for the description.
^_^ It's nice and you've got a way with description of people. C:
"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it." — We Bought A Zoo
