Lies

I started typing this song while repeatedly listening to the S&M version of One by Metallica opening. Then I turned to Cyanide(the song) for a chorus.

I'm tired of all these lies you tell me
All those fakes and terrible deeds
Tired of this
Lies and lies, truth worth nothing
You think not knowing would have some worth
But your wrong
I waited
Waited patiently, waited for long

Screw what they say!
Blow
the
liars
AWA-AY!

Suicide
You said no way
All the lies
You said today
This fire
burning long
Funeral pyre
Not too long

Screw what you say!
Blow
the
liars
AWA-AY!

Dreams of bliss
Tired of this
Lies in your nights kiss
The truth I miss

All the lies you say
After day after day
All getting worse
And getting hoarse


"Who are they?"
"Can I do this?"
"What are you doing?"
"Why is the door closed?
"What's the noise?"
"N-Nothing, dear..."

Cheats and frauds
Spite, haunt us
Locked up
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut UP!

Lies getting worse all the time
First lies, now crimes
Worst that you told me?
Worst you could say?
Worst you always do?
"I love you."

Screw what they say!
Blow
the
liars
AWA-AY!

"Yes... I do..."
"Really...?"
"...Yes."

Wow, I was expecting something not that great actually. Thanks for making my assumption totally and embarrassingly wrong! Awesome, I really like songs like this. Agression and aditude.... always great. I'm suprised that no one has offered a reply to this. -shrugs- I guess it just isn't their type of thing, huh? Well, I thought it was awesome. -thumbs up-

Wow. I was surprised too... I expected it to be really angsty and too quickly made, but this was pretty awesome! I'm not much of a poet, so I'll just fix a bit of your grammar here. ^^

But your wrong
I waited
Waited patiently, waited for long

your --> "you're"
waited for long --> "waited for so long"? It's okay as it is though, it's just not grammatically correct.

Screw what they say!
Blow
the
liars
AWA-AY!

The chorus here is a little awkward, because of the connotations of the word "blow". Although maybe that's just my mind being dirty xD

All the lies you say
After day after day
All getting worse
And getting hoarse

Say is a little too common a word to be connected with lying.

I loved the rest of it, though! Especially the parts with the dialogue <333
I'd love to hear this sung someday. ^^

Hey there, Gale! June here .

When I clicked this I wasn't really expecting anything like this. This is great .

I can really feel the tone that's set here; it's the type of song that has a feeling to it.

The chorus seemed a bit out of place in some ways, and I can't really suggest what to replace it with?

The ending on this is well done . There's not much I can say about this other than that it was good. Lyrics aren't exactly what I'm good at-- but this was great

Excellent!

Feel free to PM me if you'd like me to review anything else of yours!

June

Thanks for the feedback!

Yeah, I guess the chorus is kinda out of place. If I'm gonna base a chorus after one i was listening to, I probably should have the same rhythm. Since i wrote this with a sad beat, I should do something that makes sense.

Anyway, as for upcoming submissions... I'm gonna work on songs and poems for a bit, and maybe eventually submit a story. Not many ideas yet. As for upcoming songs, we've been talking about Chinese censorship in school, and I want to do something about that. But first I'm gonna make a song with an upbeat tone... suggestions wanted!