Moony,Padfoot,Wormtail,and Prongs:The Important stuff

'Guys,"Said Remus Lupin,"I have something to tell."
"What?" they asked.
"Well..." He hesitated for a moment before proceeding."I'm a werewolf."
"Knew it,"murmured Sirius,while James and Peter stared at me with awestruck eyes.
"H-how did you become one?" asked James.
"Er-bitten.Just like most every werewolf on the planet.Worst day of my life."I said sorrowfully.
"How so?" inquired Peter. Sirius nudged him with his elbow,but he and James were also staring at me curiously.
"Well," I started,"here's how it all began."
and he proceeded to tell his story
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"I was eight years old.Walking home from a long,exhausting day,I stopped to enjoy the landscape around me.About nine o'clock at night.Grassy pathway to home.Full moon.Just then,I heard a rustling in the bushes.Could it be a werewolf?I thought.Then a tall figure jumped out at me.Taller than a wolf,and more bloodthirsty.A werewolf.I stared at him,frozen with fear.He pounced at me,bit me,and just left me there.By morning,I trotted sadly back home,knowing what I had become.My parents shipped me away to a foster home-thank goodness they were wizards.And then I ended right here,after a while.
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"So that's the reason you are absent on full moon." said James quietly,"a werewolf.Wow."
Remus stared at hem sadly.
"Will you guys still be friends?" he asked "or will you run away fearfully?"
Sirius looked as if I was crazy.
"Ditch you?" he asked,"you're our friend.We'll find a way,dude,we'll find a way."

Good use of dialogue but for this part,

I heard a rustling in the bushes.Could it be a werewolf?

I found that a bit too prophetic, in terms of revealing too much. Also the length of the story was a bit short. I really got interested the main gist of the contents but it ended before any "action" was portrayed, however this can be easily fixed simply by chronicling a list of key events and expanding on the impacts of each one. For example, extending the scene where Remus was bitten after the werewolf pounced at him.

Sincerely
-Elitehusky

Hey as I was reading i noticed that you switched from first person to third person at some points. kinda confusing but can easly be fixed. This story has a lot of potential and is a great plot to write about. Good job and keep going!

Hello! Welcome to YWS! Hope you're enjoying it!

Onto this story. I've read Harry Potter so don't worry, I know what I'm talking about.
This seemed a bit too obvious. It needed description and possibly a more extensive use of words. I thought it did say what happened when James and rest discovered Lupin but it just seemed to say it so... frankly. If you wrote it more , shall I say, eloquently it would have sounded better. This seemed like perhaps a summary of what happened.

Otherwise this was a very good take on that story. I liked the idea a lot just I thought you could build more onto it using a stronger vocab, more details, and more character building.

And as someone else said above, the switching from 1st person to 3rd person does get confusing. But it was short so not that confusing.

And just a nitpick, perhaps you should give some space between your periods and the next word.

Example~

She went to the mall.She had fun.

Try this:

She went to the mall. She had fun.

It makes the story easier to read.

Again, Good job! Keep building on this idea and it could become a very great story.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody

I love Harry Potter!

Okay . . .

Yeah, put a space between the sentences and the periods.

But I don't think it's that confusing when you change to first person
There's the '------------' part.
But I do think you could change that from:
--

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"I was eight years old.Walking home from a long,exhausting day,I stopped to enjoy the landscape around me.About nine o'clock at night.Grassy pathway to home.Full moon.Just then,I heard a rustling in the bushes.Could it be a werewolf?I thought.Then a tall figure jumped out at me.Taller than a wolf,and more bloodthirsty.A werewolf.I stared at him,frozen with fear.He pounced at me,bit me,and just left me there.By morning,I trotted sadly back home,knowing what I had become.My parents shipped me away to a foster home-thank goodness they were wizards.And then I ended right here,after a while.
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To:

"I was eight years old, walking home from a long, exhausting day. I stopped to enjoy the landscape around me. It was at about nine o'clock at night. A grassy pathway to home. And a full moon. Just then, I heard rustling in the bushes. Could it be a werewolf? I thought.Then a tall figure jumped out at me. Taller than a wolf,and more bloodthirsty. A werewolf! I stared at him, frozen with fear. He pounced at me and bit me, just leaving me there. By morning, I trotted sadly back home, knowing what I had become.My parents shipped me away to a foster home. Thank goodness they were wizards. And that's how I ended right here."

The first bold kinda makes you think of a person, more than a werewolf.

The second is because, wouldn't he be a little more hurt if he'd gotten bitten.

Another thing, is to show more, instead of tell. (Don't worry, I have that problem)

While he's telling the story, add things in the middle such as, "He sighed" and such.

But I thought it was good, and you should continue it. PM me when you revise it.