Would You, Life, Revenge, apocalyps, Still not getting any

Would You?
Would you stand by my side
Would you hold my hand
Would you guide me through the darkness
Would you help me find the light
Would you catch me when I fall
Would you tell me it's alright
You know I'll always be here for you
I'll never leave you behind
No matter what happens
I'll always stay true
But for me...
Would you?

Life
It's a joke
It's a prank
A sick twisted game
It's misery
It's dead beat
It's the way to insanity
But if you look around
If you dig down deep
You can find the beauty
It lays beneath
So instead of dwelling in the past
Instead of wallowing in your pain
Go out and find the
Happiness
The sunshine
The joy!

Revenge
I'm not gonna be your victim
You've done us wrong
Now it's time to pay
Today youre gonna feel what we've been through-
Hated on
Laughed at
Talked about
Behind our backs
It's not gonna be pretty when I
Kick your ass
Till were drowning in our blood
Till I know youre good and dead
It's not who you are
But what you done
It's not about me
You hurt my friends
So now
I'm kicking your ass
Till I taste your blood in my mouth
Till I know youre good and DEAD!
So keep on hiding-
But it's not gonna be pretty when you get back!
When I kick your ass
When youre heart is in my hands
TILL I KNOW YOURE GOOD AND DEAD!

My Apocalypse
You snapped it
You crushed it
You skinned it alive
You stomped it
You stabbed it
You destroyed what was mine
My pain My Tears My Shallow screams
You took it away
I'm left only with
A sensless numb
A spreading darkness
and this bonechilling cold
You took my world and you
Frazzled it
Smashed it
Crashed it to bits
And all I have is this
Sensless numb
I can't feel you any more
You're fading away
Like the sun from the sky
It's falling apart-
It's My apocalypse

Still Not getting any...
I thought I could find it
One day somehow
That the wounds
would heal overtime
But no matter where I look
It's all the same
It never changes
Im Still not getting any

Hey!!! I saw that you haven't had any reviews. Maybe if you post this in poetry than more people will view it.

I'm about to go eat food right now, BUT I'll be back to review these for you. :]

Anywho, I hope I'll be able to help. Through skimming these poems seem good.

I'll be right back!

-dd9

Here is the compilation of my reviews for each poem:

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Would You?

* after every question, add a question mark. Every line that begins with "Would you" and doesn't continue after every line, should have a question mark at the end.

Example: Would you stand by my side (add the question mark)

But for me...

Would you?

* Consider replacing "..." with a comma.

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Life

* Again, consider adding some more punctuation. Punctuation is essential as it helps the reader know how you want the poem to by read. Spacing and punctuation tells the reader at what pace you want your poem to be read at and what parts do you want to be emphasized.

* I really like this poem. Life does suck sometimes, but there are times where there is such joy and happiness.

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Revenge

It's not gonna be pretty when I

Kick your ass

* this part I think should be made into a single line. "when I" seems lonely! I think having "kick your ass" next to it will help the flow.

Till were drowning in our blood

* "were" should be "we're"

Till I know youre good and dead

* "youre" should be "you're"

But what you done

* It should be you've.

* In general, I personally liked the beginning of this poem. As it harshened though, I didn't like it as much. It seemed a bit cruel. Revenge in general is a bad thing and I've learned that it usually comes back to bite you. And the whole killing part. Really? This seems too harsh. I was dissuaded by you the harsh words. From "kick your ass" onward, it takes a downward turn in my opinion. There is poetry and there is spite. This seems to be more a personal outlet of angry compared to poetry.

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Still not getting any

Still Not getting any...

* Lowercase Not.

* You should add some punctuation in this piece. I think it would strengthed it. I liked this piece though. It's short and compact. It eloquently states your opinions.. I think this is one of my favorites in this set.

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Overall, I really liked your poems. I think you've laid a good foundation for poems to come. Your writing style is distinct and personable. Your opinions are very straight forward and therefore, are easily understood.

Good Job!

If you have any questions, PM me. I'm always willing to help another writer in need.

-dd9