Use Your Vocal Chords...SPEAK!

These suicidal twists in life

With all the tears, the screams, the knife

Is life only about how long you live?

How much you give?

Where is the caring and sharing?

The devoted, and unrequited love?

Why is everything so unbearable?

What’s with the divorces and all the fights?

Where is peace and love that used to be?

I want it to be okay!

I want to be able to skip

To run around and laugh

To open myself up and not be afraid of the repercussions

But if you are yourself everyone just squashes you down

Like a disgusting bug

Can I move back in time?

Can I bring some old people back?

No! I can’t!

But I can try my best

I can say what I think

I can change things

Maybe no one will listen

Or, maybe they will

How am I to know?

The future is not known to all

helloo!

First of all, I really liked the theme of this and all of your ideas. It is the 100% honest truth, and I greatly enjoyed it. You composed your feelings quite well also.

I did notice that some places could do with more punctuation, though.
Here:

"I want to be able to skip



To run around and laugh



To open myself up and not be afraid of the repercussions



But if you are yourself everyone just squashes you down



Like a disgusting bug"

And here:

"But I can try my best



I can say what I think



I can change things



Maybe no one will listen



Or, maybe they will



How am I to know?



The future is not known to all"

I just noticed that you went from punctuating every line to no punctuation at all. It's just a suggestion. I did really think that this was pretty good anyways.

Lastly, I want to say, when you said...
"Maybe no one will listen



Or, maybe they will"
you would be surprised by how many people actually listen.
Keep on writing!!!!
PS thank you mucho for the advice on "NOW"
=]]

Hey, Laura!

I really liked it, but the part about bringing old people back confused me. *shrugs* It was still mighty good though!

Hello there! I found a couple of punctuation errors in this, but I'm really bad at grammar, so I'm not too sure how to fix it...'Kayy, on with the actual review!

These suicidal twists in life

With all the tears, the screams, the knife

I don't like the idea of starting a poem with these...Try starting it with "such" maybe?

Is life only about how long you live?

How much you give?

I don't understand this. Shouldn't it be "Not how much you give?"

Where is the caring and sharing?

The devoted, and unrequited love?

No comma after devoted...

Why is everything so unbearable?

What’s with the divorces and all the fights?

Saying "What's with" makes it sound informal which doesn't fit. And, the "all the" before the fights seems a bit redundant...Maybe try "Why the divorces and fights?"

Where is peace and love that used to be?

I want it to be okay!

"I want it to be okay" sounds a bit childish. Maybe try, "I wish for those days again"?

I want to be able to skip

To run around and laugh

To open myself up and not be afraid of the repercussions

But if you are yourself everyone just squashes you down

Like a disgusting bug

I absolutely adore these five lines. They're PERFECT!!

Can I move back in time?

Can I bring some old people back?

Uhh, this might just be me, but I have absolutely no idea what these two lines mean. Clarify please?

No! I can’t!

But I can try my best

"No! I can't!" annoys me for some reason...I'm not too sure how to fix it...Play around with it...

I can say what I think

I can change things

Maybe no one will listen

Or, maybe they will

How am I to know?

Again, I love these five lines! Awesome!

The future is not known to all

The last line is weirdly phrased...Maybe try "After all the future is meant to be a mystery"?

Great job on this!! I'd love to read more of your poetry!
PM me if you want to talk about this!

fluteluvr77<3

I really like this piece. There was so much truth and depth behind all of it! It really expresses emotion and who people feel at times. It drew me in and held my attention until the end. Wonderful poem! Keep Writing! It has potential.