Metamorphosis

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I had some spare time on my hands so I figured I'd write something down. Let me know what you think :smt051 :smt035

Metamorphosis

A caterpillar, imprisoned by the wings she does not own
Jailed by the forest floor;
Separated from the world of which she dreams, alone;
Wishing for an escape, a fantasy of something more.

Silently, she moves through the thick debris
Unnoticed and unworthy to live,
Dreaming of a world where she could be free;
Where she has something to give.

Creeping onto a tiny branch up high,
She spins a shiny silk around,
Hiding herself from all staring eyes
Veiled from the world, she goes into a deep slumber.

She sleeps for what seems to be an eternity,
But there is something she does not know;
When she wakes, she won’t believe what her eyes will see;
An earthly angel that which she’ll grow.

The golden light warms her face
And she wriggles from the snug cocoon,
But now; her heart begins to race
As she feels her wings of maroon

Her slim black form is in place
Of her stolen chubby green mass
Wings purple, greens, pinks and blues add grace
To her curly antennas giving class

She cannot believe this gift, this change
A piece of Heaven, fallen from a place that is His;
Just like the stars or the sprinkling rain
All her life, she has prayed for this, Metamorphosis.
Last edited by tierra_rhys17 on Fri Jan 30, 2009 5:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Just can't ignore what's true
But all I can say
Is when I'm with you
Heaven ain't far away




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Well, this was quite a nice read. You used the metamorphosis of a butterfly as a subject and I think it really suited.

Just one thing: add punctuation. It makes the poem flow better.

That's all I can point out. Other than that, this was very uniquely and well done.

Keep up the good work, and keep writing!

:)
Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.




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Cool poem! When I started reading this I thought of other things you could of used instead of a butterfly. But well, not gonna annoy you with that. All what I wanted to point out was the same as Lil_Pau (add punctuation). So yeah, I liked it. I hope to see many more of your poems; keep writing!
---Luciano




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 15
Cool poem! When I started reading this I thought of other things you could of used instead of a butterfly. But well, not gonna annoy you with that. All what I wanted to point out was the same as Lil_Pau (add punctuation). So yeah, I liked it. I hope to see many more of your poems; keep writing!
---Luciano




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 15
Cool poem! When I started reading this I thought of other things you could of used instead of a butterfly. But well, not gonna annoy you with that. All what I wanted to point out was the same as Lil_Pau (add punctuation). So yeah, I liked it. I hope to see many more of your poems; keep writing!
---Luciano




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 4
thanks you guys, glad you enjoyed it!
Just can't ignore what's true
But all I can say
Is when I'm with you
Heaven ain't far away



Well, if I can't get this chapter to work....at least I will have exercised my fingers.
— Kaia