My Love For You!!

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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 11
I'd like to swim with you
In the waters of the blue

Like the swallows in the sky
And the flying apple pies

When the eart turns brown
I would really really frown

Because with out you
I am a shoe

With you a feel contented
Kind of like cemented

Please don't get afraid
It just can't be contained

My love for you


____________

I know this is very strange... And it really does have a melody. Its like a cross between the star wars theme song and a bit from a song the scare crow sang in The Wizard of Oz....




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Points 2926
Reviews 122
Okay...... Number one this should be in the poem section. Number two it was to short. Number three some of the rhyming was forced. Number 4 It is a pretty good start but it is only a start.
Blood is red
But Heaven is blue
The Devil will fined out
And take you




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 2
I think you should expand it. It seems like you're trying and I hate reading things like that. The words should flow naturally as if thier coming straight from your mouth or mind. It's a little stiff and short for my tastes. Sorry, keep trying.
I want to be sung to sleep.




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Points 890
Reviews 23
ROSE PLEASE TELL ME WHO THE HECK YOU LIKE!!!! :( :( I TELL YOU EVERYTHING AND YOU KNOW IT!!!! NAME ONE THING THAT I HAVEN"T TOLD YOU IN THE LAST MONTH AND I WILL GIVE IT UP! :( This is a really sweet and cute poem but i think you need to add on....and how are these lyrics deary? PLEASE TELL ME!!! :(
LOVE YOU DAHLING!
Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the colors high.
Heave ho, thieves and beggars,
never shall we die."
- Pirates of the Caribbean 3, At Worlds End




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 4
Ro! I love this song! It seems like a song that you would absentmindedly sing to your love, with the words not really flowing right, but makes sense.
Because with out you
I am a shoe
I love this part, because it really reminds me of you.Without you, everyone would be a shoe, too. life would be so boring, without rose.What type of shoe, though, thats what I'm wondering.....
ike the swallows in the sky
And the flying apple pies

this one reminds me of a picture from the book The Land Of Chewandswallow, ofr something like that.you should really read it......<3 <3 <3
KEEP WRITING SONGS/LYRICS, THOUGH ROIE. THIS IS REALLY NICE, AND HAPPY!
:wink: :smile:
Cas.




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 7
ChickenFeet wrote:I'd like to swim with you
In the waters of the blue

Like the swallows in the sky
And the flying apple pies

When the earth turns brown
I would really really frownsorry it sounds kind of.. childish

Because with out you
I am a shoeHaha. I like it cause its random but again... fairly childish

With you a feel contented
Kind of like cemented what in heck?

Please don't get afraid
It just can't be contained

My love for you


____________

I know this is very strange... And it really does have a melody. Its like a cross between the star wars theme song and a bit from a song the scare crow sang in The Wizard of Oz....


Your song is the most random thing I have ever heard! It made me laugh but not really in a good way. I'd like to hear this sung and maybe I might like it. But for now...
Hey, Im Kirsten
I love music. Im a good person/friend.
Give me constructive critiscm and I will love you for it.



it is quite something to wound someone and then pity their scars
— canopy