If you did

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I stared at your window across the street and thought
Do you love me?
After a long time I came to a conclusion.
You wouldn't have forced all those tears down my cheeks
if you did.
---Luciano




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Short but powerful. It's too short really for a line-by-line, but my general comment is to expand this! It's such a deep theme that really could be explored in a poem of any length. Still, I really think this could be expanded.

A note on line lengths- Usually it's a good idea to keep lines about the same length for better flow. The only time a line could really stand to be short is if you wanted impact. That's what the last line does for me. It's a short punch.

If you have any questions, PM me.

~Rosey
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.




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SimplyMe wrote:I stared at your window across the street and thought,
Do you love me?
After a long time I came to a conclusion.
You wouldn't have forced all those tears down my cheeks,
if you did.


I agree with Rosey Unicorn. You should make this longer. It was wonderful!!!

I would put the commas there, but I guess that you don't have to. I thought that maybe it would flow better. Not that your flow wa off. I can just read things easier that way!

So, awesome. Short, sweet, to the point.

Ta Ta for now!
_Writing for love is a passion_

~Lexie~
No where to run...baby let's hide. Take her in your arms on a chilling winter's night. Watch the stars twinkle and glisten. Know that you've found the one person that will listen. ~*(ME)*~



You can not put the entire Bee Movie in the quote generator.
— alliyah