You'll Be the Death of Me

I dance, But you don't see me.
I sing, But you don't hear me.
I try so hard to be beautiful,
But your eyes pass right over me,
and fall on the girl who stands behind me.
I paint, and I'm painting for you.
And I try to blend the colors just perfectly,
But all you see is mixes of ugly hues.
I gave you the beauty of my body.
It wasn't enough for you.
I showed you my heart and soul,
But they weren't lovely enough for you.
What could I give, that you could love?
Nothing. Nothing.
So why do I keep standing here, trying to please?
Pleasing you.
There is nothing here for me.
I with that I could just move on.
Because every time I dance for you,
I see dissapointment in your eyes.
And I feel the dissapointment bite my soul.
It's like I try my best to be everything, beautiful.
But all I can be...is unbeautiful to you.
You can't see past the black and white pictures that you've painted of me.
You can't see all the good that I do.
So there's nothing. Nothing. Nothing here for me.
So yea, I keep telling myself;
But somehow, I just can't bring myself to leave.
I can't find the door that will open, that will tear my heart from you.
So you were right. I'm sorry, I accused you of wrongs. I was misled.
Because all the others...their agreeing with you.
What you see, is just a true picture of me.
What I am could never measure up, to be enough for you.
Danm you, because your the last man that will damn me to lonliness.
I won't sit here and watch my heart break, and keep fighting for you.
I'm done.
I'm done with love.
I'll take the side of hate.
Dissapointments and Failure is all that waits for me, In fairy tale endings.
And my hopes of ending, with less pain than I came with, are far over; Long gone.
Because, all loveing them; Loving you has ever done to me, Is make me blead.
I'm done. I quit. I'm done with them; Done with you.
I don't want to feel your pain anymore.
You left me lonely.
But I'll befriend the feelings of lonliness, because they blow that they deliever...isn't as sharp as you.

okay, the last 2 lines in particular i need help with. I need 2 know if i should take out the, "You left me lonely." And just write, "I dont' want to feel your pain anymore. I'll befriend the feelings of lonliness, because the blow that they deliver...isn't as sharp as you."
??? Well any help i would appriciate. All my poems come 2 me really quickly and I just sort of write them out, so i'm not very good about like creating things sometimes, cuz i write whatever comes in my mind. Thanks!

Ok...........
no it is not the last too lines you need help with... its the whole thing. Listen, "saying" something about how "hurt" you are or whatever... writing the word "disappointment" or "UNbeautiful" (could've at least used ugly) over and over again is not poetry.

How about you try this:
sit down with some paper and a pen and just pick a topic, for example: this boy not liking you.

Now, take your pen and quite literally write down WHATEVER comes into your head when you think about it. Even if the words "Penguin" and "Banana" come into your mind, WRITE THEM DOWN/.

As you think about your subject, try and remember the way it made you FEEL. Not what you or someone else said, or did- but how it FELT. If you can describe this, you're on your way.

You need to show people how it felt.

The nearer something approaches art the more it acquires a symbolic quality.



If you make any changes let me know and I'd be happy to review them.

Good luck, Ben.

Ok...........
no it is not the last too lines you need help with... its the whole thing. Listen, "saying" something about how "hurt" you are or whatever... writing the word "disappointment" or "UNbeautiful" (could've at least used ugly) over and over again is not poetry.

How about you try this:
sit down with some paper and a pen and just pick a topic, for example: this boy not liking you.

Now, take your pen and quite literally write down WHATEVER comes into your head when you think about it. Even if the words "Penguin" and "Banana" come into your mind, WRITE THEM DOWN/.

As you think about your subject, try and remember the way it made you FEEL. Not what you or someone else said, or did- but how it FELT. If you can describe this, you're on your way.

You need to show people how it felt.

The nearer something approaches art the more it acquires a symbolic quality.



If you make any changes let me know and I'd be happy to review them.

Good luck, Ben.

Hmm. I really like it=)
It's really deep.
And I likey your style.
I think that Ben is quite wrong because I really understood and felt what you wrote and I think it was beautiful.
Very poetic=]

Thank you. It's nice to have a good opinion as well as one thats harsh, but pushes me to make something better. Sometimes, when u only hear bad reveiws it makes u not want 2 write anymore.
Yes, I can see how a girl could understand and appriciate this a lot more than a guy. But Ben also had a valid point. I was lazy with this one and didn't really push myself to find beautiful metaphors, It was more like reading a diary or something. So thank you both for your reveiws, I appriciate it.