misery

i have written this poem a very long time ago..i just dig this in my old notebook's pile and have decided to post.....




i love you above anyone do

i care for you like nobody ever does

you are the light in my darkest night

and serve as companion in this lonely life



you made me smile whenever i,m sad

your everything that i have

now that your happy

i have to stay away

and just hope that this misery

will fade away easily...

madel wrote:i have written this poem a very long time ago..i just dig this in my old notebook's pile and have decided to post.....




i love you above anyone do (did you mean "I do"?)

i care for you/ like nobody ever does

you are the light/ in my darkest night

and serve as companion in this lonely life



you made me smile whenever i,m sad (should be "I am", or "I'm".)

your everything that i have

now that your happy

i have to stay away

and just hope that this misery

will fade away easily...

that is really really good! oh, by the way, capitalize those I's!!!!! lower case I's will make your piece look sloppy and like you didn't put enough effort into it.
Was this supposed to be a rhyming poem? I caught a couple of rhymes here and there, but I didn't know if they were supposed to be there or not. So I put "/" at places where you can make it into another line and make it rhyme. But that's just me

I really loved this, though. Very talented girl

keep on keepin on
til then

XoXo~AsH

thank you break-my-heart...
dont worry i will check some of those lines..

thank you for apreciating my work...
you did well in your poems too
i like the way you construct them...............

Hi there Madel! June here!

So! You have a really cool poem written here, you know that? There are just a few errors that I'm going to correct for you

i love you above anyone do

• The pronoun "I" must always be capitalized . Keep an eye on that, dear.

• What do you mean by the end, "anyone do"? That sounds improper, please run over that and make sure it's what you meant .

and serve as companion in this lonely life

• This line is confusing, dear! I think you mean

And serve as my OR your companion in this lonely life

you made me smile whenever i,m sad

•The tenses in this scramble a bit, dear.
• Remember to keep your I's capitalized.

You make me smile whenever I'm sad

your everything that i have

• The proper contraction for you are is, "You're"

You're everything that I have

i have to stay away

• No! Why do you have to stay away?




* ** * * *


You have a really sweet play on words here, Madel. It's such an innocent love poem-- it's not full of guilt and whatever else the typical love poems are filled with. I enjoyed it alot, dear.

Keep it up!

June

I agree with all break-my-heart said...
If you arrange a few spelling mistakes and correct your few flaws it would bring the poem to a higher level
other than that it is quite good and promising
You are good with words...
The poem shows the love and passion in a few well chosen words.
Keep it up!!
MilaScribbler

thank you springrain and milaScribler...

I,m sorry about those few words

I'm really not good in grammar

maybe that's the reason why

I encounter problems in making my poems..

but I promise to do it better next time

thank you for apreciating my poem guys...

I like the end of this poem best. All the grammar and punctuation mistakes have been cited already, I belive. Anyway, I think that if you correct that, the flow of this poem will improve greatly. It sometimes gets tedious to read something if there's a lot of grammar mistakes. Anyway, I liked this because it was short and simple and over-all had a great effect regarding the whole making the reader feel the emotions in your work thing. Great job and keep writing.

thank you knightlyangel
i promise to make it better next time