Goodbye

Left as quickly as you came
Swept through like a tornado
Destroying everything in your path
Not giving a damn about
How it all will be righted again
Total pain and destruction
Shattered pieces, broken promises
Lies spoken, unfulfilled dreams
Now I’m left here.
A mere shadow of my former self.
Wondering, marveling
At my sheer stupidity
Waiting, Hoping
Maybe
Death will save me from this
Suffocating darkness
Praying
It will come stealthily
In the night
Then I won’t have to face the morning again
To see that sun shining
Again
Reminding me
That life goes on.

Over all I like it. You have good strong feelings in this poem, but as always there are a few things to add.

1) Punctuation. Cammas, periods, question marks, they all help a poem flow. You use some, especially at the end, but I feel you could use more. Flow would improve and it would make it easier to read.

2)Imagery. You have good imagery in the beginning using the tornado to compare how quickly something came. You could use more of that. I used to have the same problem and still have some trouble with it sometimes. Adding a bit of imagery to even the most emotional of poems can back it that much better.

That's about it as far as I can see. I like the feelings you put behind the poem and would very much like to read it when and or if you revise it. Let me know will ya. Thanks.

~Mr. Pie

wow,
this is cool. I liked it because at times, i can relate.
it's very depressing but interesting. I'm not really sure how you can improve it, other than what Mr. Pie said about the periods and stuff. Not that I'm no expert at grammer, i just think at least some more periods would be good.
good job!

awesome job!
Your emotion rolls off of this in waves, I love it.
You described yourself quite well, I shall say. So cheers to you!

_Writing for love is a passion_

~Lexie~