Stranded

This was a one-shot story I wrote in a single night. It was a writing activity where I was given, at random, a character, a setting, and a problem. I don't plan on expanding it or editing it, since as I said it was really just a oneshot type thing. But I am intrested in any feedback on what you did or didn't like. Thanks!

I liked this story, it was a nice caption of a moment and i enjoyed the way it unfolded. I think for something you did in one night with no editing its pretty good!

As you said it was just a one off and you not looking to edit it, i won't go into little nit-picks over sentences and things like that, just a couple of comments on the general story for if you ever did want to go on to do soemthing similar again:

Something that i think could have been improved on would have been the ending, i like the moral part to the story but a twist at the end like seeing a boat off shore and changing his mind back to ignoring his parents might have been good. That might just be my preference though as i'm not that keen on the idea of the man becoming a good guy so suddenly.

I think aswell there is a bit too much of the 'i'm a jerk' sort of thing (i'm hoping i make sense). Even though he's stranded he might be a bit more defensive of himself, at first perhaps coming up with excuses then dismissing them instead of confronting the truth so quickly.

I know you said you weren't planning on expanding the story but if you ever do i think it would be good, you're obviously a talented writer to be able to come up with this so quickly!

That's a cool story. I think that it was great if you could think that up in a night. Basically all that I wanted to say was what has already been said by Pippiedooda, but i did feel lost when you were describing the island. You need to show and not tell a little more, but what you had was good. I also think that you needed to put more feeling into your character when you were talking about his parents. I know its difficult, and I find it realy hard myself, but how about a teardrop forming in his eye as he thought about what a jerk he was, how about a pain in the gut as he realised that no-one loved him? but other than those small thjing that you could improve on, I thouight that the strory was really good, and you introduced your character well and at the end i had no dounbts about your writing! Keep up the good work!

I liked how you managed to explain so much in just those few paragraphs. I liked the whole thing with his parents and the flashback, and the frustration. But maybe you could describe how he got there a little more. Did he crash? How did he crash and where? Where abouts is he? I'd like a little more detail on the island itself, but otherwise I liked the style and I didn't see any obvious grammar mistakes.