Beyond Feeling Prologue

This was at the top of my head. Tell me what you think.
Should I continue?


"No one asked you to confirm my prescense, Kisha. It was your choice." I told her harshly.
"Shut up!!! I had to spread the rumor! You made out with the boys track team!!!" She screamed.
I laughed with controlled anger. "Who told you that?"
"D-Diane Guthrey." She stuttered.
"And I guess she told you I was a terrorist too? Or maybe even a nun in disguise?"
"Bitch!"
I was silent for a moment. "Kisha. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"I leave when I feel like it!!!" She hollered.
"Please lower your voice." I said calmly.
"No!!"
"I'll ask you again. Please leave."
"Make me, you-you-you asshole!!"
I turned around in my chair and started working on my essay. Soon after, the door slammed.


Living alone would never be so enjoyable.

Hey there Aubree, I'm Angel of Death but you can call me Angel and welcome to YWS.

Okay, I'm going to be really really honest. This needs a lot of help and it is way too short to be a prologue. Even though this came off the top of your head, I think you should take time and outline and plan what you want to be in the prologue before you post.

Living alone would never be so enjoyable.

This was the only thing I liked. And no I'm not saying that you shouldn't continue this because with a little spit and shine, this can be better. But this was the only line that let me get a sense of your MC. If you're going to have a prologue, make sure it is so good that people will continue to read, this doesn't display a really good writing technique and therefore, if I saw this prologue I would not continue to read this.

How to Fix a Dying Prologue

1.) Use imagery, make sure it is a good length, about a page or two long. Make sure the characters are real and are actually there. Don't just use dialog just for the sake of it because when I'm angry I don't scream, my face actually scrunches up in hatred or sadness or whatever and my thoughts are raging and...characters are human and should be treated like they are. Make them colorful and real or else, no one will read this.

OR

2.) Nix the prologue altogether and get right into the story.


I hope I wasn't too harsh, but this seriously needs a lot of work and it is okay because not all first drafts are extraordinary.

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Ta,

~Angel