Little Green Men

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Little Green Men

It all started on my fourteenth birthday. I usually opened my eyes slowly, letting them adjust gradually to the light that shone brightly through my half-opened window. It was slightly bothersome, having to adjust to the light every morning. I knew I could cut out this simple part of my daily routine. I would just have to close the curtains all the way. If only I had closed them all the way.

I woke up in the usual manor as my alarm clock screamed into my ear. Carefully, carefully, I opened my eyes. I expected to see the usual light reflecting off of my shiny disco-ball and onto the ceiling. I expected to see it dance and swirl as it usually had. I expected anything that could be described by the simple word "ordinary".

This morning was different. Instead of seeing the intriguing light I had grown accustomed to, I was greeted by green. Green light shone all over the posters of my favorite bands and video games. It sneaked into every crevice, danced along every surface. This light was very peculiar. It caused my eyes no pain as the old light had done. It didn't raise my stress or anxiety levels. It wasn't really all that amazing. It was just different.

Since this light caused me no pain, I was able to open my eyes much more quickly than I had expected to. I searched the room, scanning every bit of it with my brown eyes. Nothing seemed different. Nothing strange, nothing weird. It was just my ordinary room and the green light. The light didn't appear to have a source even. Everywhere I looked, the light was just as vibrant as it had been in the last place. I wondered if I had even woken up yet.

No, something was different. I could feel it. At first glance, it appeared nothing was strange except the green light. Now that I was searching again, I did find something wrong with this picture. Directly left to me, covering my tinted-glass window were the curtains I was used to seeing. If they had belonged to someone else, they might not even have noticed. Unfortunately, these curtains didn't belong to anyone else, they belonged to me. I looked to where the light was supposed to come through, but this morning it didn't. Where the curtains usually didn't block my window, they now hung directly over it.

It was strange, I was sure I hadn't closed them all the way. I never did. Why were they closed now? The first thing I thought of was a burglar. It would make enough sense. With the curtains closed they could maneuver around my room without any risk of being seen. Even if I had woken in the middle of the night, they could easily avoid my eyes without the slightest of efforts. Sure, they would have been gone by now. Most likely, the adrenaline from the crime would cause them to forget that they had even been the ones to close my curtains.

Quickly, I stood up. I first went over to my shelves and searched for any sign that something had been tampered with. Finding no differences from the night before, I ran over to my bed. As I got down on my hands and knees, I was interrupted by a faint buzzing noise. This wasn't your average buzz that you would hear from a common house fly. It was common for sudden outbreaks of flies in our little Missouri town. No, this was a unique buzz that I had never heard before. What if it hadn't been a burglar at all? What if it had been a serial killer, coming to rid the world of one more young boy? I shuddered at the thought of this. It was eerie enough with just the strange green light. I didn't need to fill my head with pessimistic ideas.

While I stood, shocked at the strange buzzing sound, the light suddenly intensified. What used to be a soothing green light and a relaxing change from the ordinary sunlight, now turned into a shockingly bright orange light. The light started to dance, growing brighter as it did. I searched the room, panicked, looking for the source of all this so that I could end it. Squinting, I examined the entire room looking for the source of the light. Even if there was one, I wouldn't be able to find it while looking into something so bright. There had to be another way to find where it was coming from. The buzz! That had to be the solution.

Unfortunately, I could no longer hear the buzzing. Where had I originally heard it? The bed! I quickly went back over to my bed and bent down onto my hands and knees. Sure enough, the buzzing returned. I lowered my head and the buzzing intensified. I followed it, slowly at first, but as I grew closer to the source, my pace increased. I grew nearer and nearer. The buzzing got louder. I knew I was getting close. Within moments, I would have revealed the source of the annoying buzz and light.

I had to stop suddenly. It wasn't really my choice, but after I had, my head wished I had sooner. I realized that in the pure adrenaline of finally finding the source of this all, I had hit my closet door. A loud bang was emitted into the room. As I shook off the pain, I noticed that the buzzing had stopped. The light was receding and returning my room to its natural state. I followed the lights path until it vanished under my closet doors.

Without a second thought, I forced the doors open. This was a very foolish idea. As I saw what was causing the glow and the buzz I almost wished it had been a serial killer. To my deepest surprise, I had stumbled upon the rarest of creatures. It was a small man, no more than half a foot tall. After this I immediately noticed his next unique trait. I'm not racist, but I noticed his strange skin color. He was completely green.

When the little man saw me, he took a scared step back. No, not scared, surprised. I gave him a twisted look which he must have thought was hostile. Out of the slimy skin on his hand, he made a gun materialize. Without hesitation, he fired it at me. At first, I felt nothing. It was only until a few seconds later that I started changing.

The first thing I noticed was my stomach. I thought maybe I was imagining things in the beginning, but after a few short seconds, I realized that it was growing. My button shirt stretched and then popped off of me. I then noticed my legs as they were getting thicker, pushing tightly against my jeans. I realized now what the gun had done. It was causing me to inflate!

After a few short, painful minutes, I was round. I caught a glance of myself in a mirror that hung on my wall and realized that I resembled a beach volleyball. I looked over to the green man who now held a different gun. He shot it at me and I instantly felt the effects. I was shrinking. I shrunk smaller and smaller. This wasn't painful but felt extremely strange. I was beginning to wonder how small I was actually going to shrink. I must have been in shock because it was only now that I felt truly afraid. Fortunately, I stopped shrinking at this time. I looked at my bed and realized that it towered over me. I looked back to the alien and he was now at least twice my size.

Without any warning, the alien formed a box in his hand. He opened it up to reveal rows of circles; circles exactly my size. I studied these while the alien came closer. Half of them had already been filled. It was then that I looked at the side of the strange box where I noticed a set of words. It took me a while before I realized what those words were and when it hit me, it was too late to do anything about it.

The words written on the box were, "Humancando".

Just as I cracked the secret behind what was going on, I was rolled into an empty hole in the box and the box was shut tightly around me. I could then hear the strange buzzing sound again. This must have been the part where I fainted. When I awoke, the only thing I saw was a sharp set of pointy green teeth. I realized what my fate was. This was the end of my tale.
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All comments are appreciated. This is a first draft. I will not be making any revisions as I would like to move on to new things.
Current Project: Otherworld (Novel) - 11,000 words so far
Latest Story: Overflowing Emotions.
Past stories: Burning Apart, The Beast, Binding Darkness - Ch. 1, What David Taught Me, The Banquette, Mirror of Memories, Leaving Humanity, Little Green Men, Six Days




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Well, I'm not sure if you want any nitpiks since you're not going to revise this, but I'm going to add them in just in case K?

Nitpicks:
There aren't that many that I could find and I had to struggle for the ones I did :D

One:

It all started on my fourteenth birthday. I usually opened my eyes slowly, letting them adjust gradually to the light that shone brightly through my half-opened window. It was slightly bothersome, having to adjust to the light every morning. I knew I could cut out this simple part of my daily routine. I would just have to close the curtains all the way. If only I had closed them all the way.

This paragraph didn't seem to flow to well to me, though I can't figure out exactly why. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the way you phrased your routine though. You repeated the same words a couple times, which is something I have problems with myself.

Two:

This morning was different. Instead of seeing the intriguing light I had grown accustomed to, I was greeted by green. Green light shone all over the posters of my favorite bands and video games. It sneaked into every crevice, danced along every surface. This light was very peculiar. It caused my eyes no pain as the old light had done. It didn't raise my stress or anxiety levels. It wasn't really all that amazing. It was just different.

The thing that caught my attention here was that you used the word "intriguing" when you described the light. It seemed like a bad word choice considering that you'd just spent the last paragraph complaining about it. May I suggest something more like "irritating"?
Also, the bolded sentence seemed a little awkward, but I'm not sure how you could fix it. I get its nessecity, but it still just seems off a bit. Maybe rephrasing it might help.

Three:

No, something was different.

Something along the lines of "No, this wasn't a dream." would fit better.

Four:

It was strange, I was sure I hadn't closed them all the way.

I'm horrible at grammar, but I'm pretty sure the comma should be a semi-colon here.

Five:

As I got down on my hands and knees, I was interrupted by a faint buzzing noise.

This part was a little confusing at first. It took me a seond to figure out you were checking under the bad, but then again, that could just be me being slow. My advice is that you rephrase it like "As I got down on my hands and knees to check under the bed, I was interrupted by a faint buzzing noise."

And thats that for the nitpicks. On to the overall :D

Overall:
I thought this was brilliant. I loved the way you described things and it was definatly original. When I first started reading this, I though the little green men would be gnomes or something, not killer aliens XD.
The only things I have to say or that I think you should build up your vocabulary. You repeated the words "light" and "usual" a lot throughout here, and doing as I advised would help fix that.
Otherwise, Great jjob! :D




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fading-dream wrote:Little Green Men

It all started on my fourteenth birthday. I usually opened my eyes slowly, letting them adjust gradually to the light that shone brightly through my half-opened window. It was slightly bothersome, having to adjust to the light every morning. I knew I could cut out this simple part of my daily routine. I would just have to close the curtains all the way. If only I had closed them all the way. Love this opening! You've got me interested!


Okay, so I didn't find anything to pick on, I often say that I'm not the best reviewer, so when I do find something I'm either on the top of my game or it's glaringly obvious. So... yeah! You did a great job of showing and not telling, and I want to see what happens next! Let me know when you post the next installment!

I really like the idea of a bunch of little green men going all around, this was really different and inventive, keep working on it!!


Stay classy,
Shannon
"The manatee has become the mento." -Tracy Jordan

"Live every week like it's shark week." -Tracy Jordan
^30 Rock is love




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I found this story very interesting, i liked it- it was original and the begginning drew me in :) I won't go over sentences that i think can be improved as you said you would not be editing this piece, a couple of general comments though:

As someone has already mentioned throughout the story there are some words which are repeated alot- light and buzz for instance. By looking through a thesaurus you can easily come up with alternatives. For light shine or glow might be good replacements and for buzz whir or hum. There's a thesaurus you can use online : http://thesaurus.reference.com/

I thought there was alot of description of what was going on at the begginning and although it was effective in showing the reader what was happening, to me i felt like it went on a bit too long and could be cut down a little. I was not the keen on the ending aswell, i don't really like 'this was the end of my tale'.

Overall though i really enjoyed reading your work, good story! :D




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This is a very interesting story, and I think you should write some more(if you haven't already). There was one think that I didn't understand.

[quote]No, something was different. I could feel it. At first glance, it appeared nothing was strange except the green light. Now that I was searching again, I did find something wrong with this picture. Directly left to me, covering my tinted-glass window were the curtains I was used to seeing. If they had belonged to someone else, they might not even have noticed. Unfortunately, these curtains didn't belong to anyone else, they belonged to me. I looked to where the light was supposed to come through, but this morning it didn't. Where the curtains usually didn't block my window, they now hung directly over it. [quote]

If you went into more detail with this paragraph, I think It would help. It seems sort of vague, like you're saying the same thing over and over again. It was also hard for me to read. This is a very good story, like I said, and I hope you keep writing!




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Thanks for all the comments people. I really am not too proud of this piece of work to be honest. I think I have written better. My writing style has improved a lot too, even though this was written less than a month ago. Here are my two most recent stories:
Six Days
Leaving Humanity
I am not trying to publicize, just to show my improvement. If I were to re-write this story, I think it could be better. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), I have too many ideas to stay improving one. Please continue to comment and show your support.
Current Project: Otherworld (Novel) - 11,000 words so far
Latest Story: Overflowing Emotions.
Past stories: Burning Apart, The Beast, Binding Darkness - Ch. 1, What David Taught Me, The Banquette, Mirror of Memories, Leaving Humanity, Little Green Men, Six Days



Sometimes even shooting stars find wishes that miss their marks.
— TryHardNinja